I came up with this today when I was raking leaves. Imagine Heath Ledger's Joker, locked in a cell, being interviewed, and you'll get what I was aiming that. Just be a little careful: this monologue's pretty long, in all honesty.
[spoiler]You may not know it, but I am an avid book reader. I read a lot in my spare time. Arkham's surprisingly lenient with their books, so most of the day, I just . . . [i]read[/i]. My favorite stories, the ones I always come back to, are the ones where the tables are turned, when things are . . . [i]mixed[/i] up a little. I like it when the roles are switched, those age-old ideas of "good" and "evil".
But one of my favorite books is the Big Book itself. It's got a lot of stories, a lot of . . . [i]inspiration[/i]. But can you guess why I like it so much? Well, it's because it's so ironic. They set up the big good in such a way that you . . . actually [i]believe[/i] that he's the good guy. But after reading it again and again, I noticed a few things. He's supposed to be the hero and all, but after some counting, I realized that . . . he killed a [b]lot[/b] of people throughout the story. [i]Millions[/i] to be exact. And the villain? Oh, I could count on my fingers how many people he killed. The so-called "hero", the person you're supposed to root for . . . he does a lot more harm than good. But even by the end of the book, he's still portrayed as the good guy.
I always thought that funny, but it got me thinking. I said to myself, "This book is really good." And since all the best stories are metaphors for life, I began to wonder, "who's the [i]villain[/i] in all this? Who's the [i]good guy?[/i]"
And then . . . it [b]hit[/b] me. Whose the one person that's looked up to as a [i]hero?[/i] Whose the one person in Gotham who does more harm than good? Whose the one person who's so self-righteous, he would do anything to prove himself? And obviously, the answer was Batman.
Batman's the hero of this story. And I? I'm the villain. But as it turns out, he's a lot worse than even me. He claims to be good, he claims to be a protector of the city, but only a few people realize that it's all his fault really. If Batman was in any other city, Gotham would be different. It'd be normal, it'd be average, it'd be . . . boring.
But Batman makes it fun! He truly does! Heck, if he was in . . . Metropolis . . . I'd be there, doing the exact same thing I'm doing here, because Batman is the life of the party. He makes crime fun, he gives it meaning. So, in all honestly, you only have one person to blame for Gotham's troubles. And I'll give you a hint. He dresses in black, wears a cowl, and is all too fun to be around. Can you guess who it is? Tell me.
. . .
But I digress. After all, the author of life has a pretty deep imagination. I'm sure he'll cross that bridge at some point. Maybe he already has; he just hasn't done it yet. Who knows? The man could be writing a series for all we know.
But if there is one thing I want to know, anything at all, it's gotta be how Junior turns water to wine. Sure, he comes back from the dead, but people are doing it all the time these days. No, I want to know how he turns water to [i]wine[/i]. That's just . . . crazy. If I could have any superpower, it'd be just that. Especially if it's good wine.
Say, could you get a bottle by chance, sweetheart? I'd really like a sip or two.[/spoiler]