[DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MEANT TO BE HUMOROUS]
*Knocks on a door*
*Quietly sits down*
Chubbyninja: Uhhhhh....Mr. Tig-
Me: SIT THE -blam!- DOWN AND LISTEN UP MUPPET REJECTS! IVE HAD A FEW -blam!-ERS START TO QUESTION MY TEACHING CAPABILITIES!
I AM MORE THAN QUALIFIED TO TEACH YOU HOW TO -blam!- UP ALIENS AND POTENTIALLY IMPREGNATE A WALRUS!!!
Err.....never mind.
Anyhoo, onto today’s lesson! The Vex!
[b]Backstory:[/b]
Funny thing about the Vex. They’re like the Joker, with no real backstory and the ones we got are dogshit. Time traveling robots with no backstory? Mortal enemies of the Hive? Personal sex slaves that throw out too much Vex Milk? Not sure.
What we do know is that their motive, is to be “one with the universe” or some hippie shit like that. Actually I think they want to be the Universe, like one of those Edgy Teens that overpopulate shitty Horror movies. And what happens to those teens you may ask?
THEY GET A -blam!-IN MACHETE THROUGH THE GUT!!!
*Clears throat* Sorry.
[b]Vex Biology[/b]
Now, the only thing I can tell you about the Vex is that they aren’t purely robots. They’re like cyborgs. I’m talking the Comic version, not the shitty movie version.
Their juice boxes are filled with what the Locks like to call “Radioloria”. I call it “Space Jizz”. Sounds nicer. And it doesn’t hurt when you get it on you. Just don’t eat it, Kabr tried that and turned into one of these sex slave robots.
For a Titan, he was a dumbass. But also a badass.
[b]Vex Ranks [/b]
Now, the Vex ain’t like your generic fallen -blam!--Sock. They don’t have ranks, they got specific minds for different shit. Like builder or Archivist, like that one Vex Mind that we accept in these Lore School. I ain’t saying he is gonna attack us, buuuuuutttt.......
Anyhoo, here’s the ranks A-ARon.
-Goblin: Default sex space
-Hobgoblin: The one who likes to fight back and are sniper sons of bitches.
-Minotaur: Teleporting sons of -blam!-s that seriously need to just teleport into oblivion
-Harpy: Floating Herpes. Nothing more nothing less.
-Hydras: Big Heavy Armor bois. Seriously -blam!- em.
And then you got the special -blam!-ing Vex. Ohhh so special because they get to do some fun shit! -blam!- YOU PANOPTES AND -blam!- YOU ATHEON!!! YOU BASTARDS TOOK TEN YEARS OFF MY -blam!-IN LIFE YA -blam!-IN BASTARDS!!! IF I COULD I WOULD SHOVE YOUR ASSES OFF THE -blam!-IN CLIFFS AGAIN!
Whew....sorry about that. Prescription drugs wore off!
Now, onto the part where I cuss out the Vex.
Aaron: Mr. Tiger, why do you spend so much cussing out
WHAT PART OF SIT THE -blam!- DOWN DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YOU TINY LITTLE FAILED -blam!- STICK?! TOO HAPPY BECAUSE YOU GOT UOUR FIRST EXOTIC?! GUESS WHAT BITCH!!
WE ALL HAVE EM!!!
SO SIT DOWN AND TALK AGAIN WHEN IT’S NOT YOUR TURN AND I’LL HAVE LOUIS OVER THERE HAVE SOME BEDTIME FUN WITH A CAT!!!!!!!
Louis: But I don’t have a cat.
SHUT THE -blam!- UP LOUIS!! Now onto a storytime.
[b]Story-time[/b]
Once upon who the -blam!- knows-
*Opens a beer bottle and drinks the whole bottom in a few seconds*
-Some random -blam!-er decided to go in a garden, he got a cut from a Thorn on his hand and decided “oh no I’m not special like my Traveler daddy told me, this garden is evil! I don’t want to be back here.” This was Punjabi or Punjaru or whatever the -blam!- his name was and saw the Black Garden.
Let me tell you this.
HE PROBABLY WAS HIGH FROM GETTING RAILED BY THE AMOUNT OF TIMES HE DIED!!! THE GARDEN DOESN’T HAVE THORNS!!! THE CRUCIBLE DOES!! AND IM SICK AND -blam!-IN TIRED OF IT!!!
*Throws the bottle at the wall and walks out*
*Minutes if silence pass*
Tommy: Who the -blam!- hired this guy?
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*quietly sips his coffee in the back of the room*
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I think we can all agree: -blam!- Hobgoblins.
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Editado por KingGidorah: 2/5/2019 8:26:18 PMHow does one impregnate a walrus? I am quite curious
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can you give us your views on some of the larger stories or people found in destiny?
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A-Aron... This brought back memories. Im assuming you taught inner city youth?
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Editado por RingLeader77: 2/6/2019 5:52:05 AM*Fingers bills* You due for a raise? How much ya want, pal?
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This is the FBI and you’re not qualified to teach so you’re under arrest! Oh hey you got beer? Never mind, you’re absolutely qualified then.
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[quote] like that one Vex Mind that we accept in these Lore School [/quote] I would be surprised if anyone did not know who this was talking about lol.
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Lol I just imagined a large very bipolar titan, and It was great.
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[quote]Tommy: Who the -blam!- hired this guy?[/quote] Tiger heard that and tommy was never seen again.
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Good work in response: A rogue Warlocks perspective on Titans, "We'll be in the middle of a fire fight, I'll be strategizing with my fireteam but it never fails. Our Titan is obsessed with one thing and one thing alone, Punching things. As me and the Hunter are working out the plan you can always hear in background the Titan asking us repeatedly "can I punch them yet." We turn away for a moment and hear his arc energy charge up and I look back to see him with a goofy grin and a thumbs up as he hurls himself fist first into the enemies, kills a few and gets shot to hell till he dies. We clear the remaining enemies out then he resurrects and says to us, "did yah see that I can do a super hero landing." So the next day our hunter gets bored and she decides to show boat for the Titan, she starts punching and dodging continuously, never firing a single shot for the rest of the day, impressed the Titan starts getting jealous and pouting because hes not the one punching every thing."
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[quote]*Knocks on a door* *Quietly sits down* Chubbyninja: Uhhhhh....Mr. Tig- Me: SIT THE -blam!- DOWN AND LISTEN UP MUPPET REJECTS! IVE HAD A FEW -blam!-ERS START TO QUESTION MY TEACHING CAPABILITIES! I AM MORE THAN QUALIFIED TO TEACH YOU HOW TO -blam!- UP ALIENS AND POTENTIALLY IMPREGNATE A WALRUS!!![/quote] ……Oh, Traveler, what have I done……
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They say the Vex are smarter than Titans. Maybe... Maybe. I have yet to meet a Vex smarter than a bullet.
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[spoiler]Rick Sanchez is the teacher. I could just imagine it.[/spoiler]
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Good Fan Fiction.
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...just stop. Not funny and not accurate, just another lame fanfic.
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[quote]THE GARDEN DOESN’T HAVE THORNS!!! THE CRUCIBLE DOES!! AND IM SICK AND -blam!-IN TIRED OF IT!!![/quote] Icon
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This is accurate
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I don't know how much they are paying you but it's not enough... *pulls out a bottle of scotch, takes a bug chug, starts shedding manly tears* That's the best goddamn teacher a Titan could have.. Well, apart from Shaxx obviously..
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You*crys manly tears* are the best teacher*cries again* EVER!!!
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It's funny because people wouldn't usaly say things like "impregnate a walrus". Ha [spoiler]😧[/spoiler]
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The vex are the 2nd most annoying race in the game. No wonder your cussing them out.