*lots of Guardians sat in a chapel, wearing their best armour (can't be looking scruffy in Church now!)*
*me, a pasty white guy in Priest robes appears, but has the voice of a black man*
ahem.
good morning, my brothers and sisters, to this sermon. I'll keep it short as I know many of you have to do the work of our lord and saviour RNGsus, so today I will recite with you the Ten Commandments bestowed upon us by the lord. please turn to page 1337 in your RNBible.
*everyone turns pages*
1. Thou shalt not cry nerf.
2. Thou shalt not Teabag without consent.
3. Thou shalt not proclaim one class as above the others; we are all equal in the eyes of our lord and saviour RNGsus.
4. Thou shalt show respect to new Guardians, for their roads are long and weary, just like ours was.
5. Thou shalt not worship the Devil that is Master Rahool, and shall deny him if he asks you unto temptation.
6. Thou shalt not claim Xur as a false god. he is still one of RNGsus' flock, nothing more, but blessed he is among us.
7. Thou shalt strike back against the Darkness that haunts our worlds, and is the work of the Cryptarch.
8. Thou shalt not claim they earned their blessings through work alone; it is the will of RNGsus that blesses us all.
9. thou Shalt not grief other Guardians, less they be in the Crucible, or acting like an imbecile
10. all shall have fun in the name of RNGsus, for that is his wish.
Amen.
can I get a HAAALELUUUJAH!?
*everyone HAALELLUJAHS*
that concludes today's service. please don't be afraid to leave a Strange Coin in the collection Plate, we need a new roof after the Cryptarch-devil struck it with lightning.
"shoot straight and true, for he who sprays and prays is a scrublord"
- RNGsus quote, verse 13:37
Church Edit: 20 of you have shown true faith in RNGsus! HALLELUUJAH
Church Edit 2: TRENDING! HAAAALELUUUJAH!
Another Church Edit: one of our flock, ArchNinja64, would like us to remember the prayer to our lord and saviour, and so I will place it here:
RNGsus, hallowed be thy name. Thy digits come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in the Tower. Give us this day our daily shards. And forgive us our dismantles, as we forgive those who have dismantled before us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the Cryptarch. For thine is the loot table, the engrams, and the luck, forever and ever.
Amen.
Church edit again: over 200 likes! thankyou, my brothers and sisters! haven't been able to do the lords work due to terrible internet connection, so this has really cheered me up! GJALLARLUJAH! and may everyone be blessed by the Lord!
Final Church Edit: 300 likes oh mah lawd!! RNGsus smiles upon each and every one of you, may you all be blessed with the Exotic you desire! this priest is off to sleep, I will respond to further comments tomorrow. I must be up early tomorrow. been trending for ages! GJALLALUJAHH!
English
#Destiny
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Greatest thing I've ever read on the forums 👏👏👏
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RNGesus my faith remains, for you have rewarded me with the raid boots, the last piece of armor to get me to 32. AMEN
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1 ResponderIN RNGESUS' NAME WE PRAY AMEN
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No1 is op, please nerf. lol Entertaining post actually, nice work.
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2 RespostasIm sorry pastor, but your sermon left out an impotant teaching: The Golden Rule of Destiny from the Book of Morningstar. Do unto others with that which RNGeezus blesses you with. Kill all that stands in your way.
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Editado por Xernos Edge: 1/16/2015 10:41:42 PMGjallaluyahhh
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Haha good shit man
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1 ResponderMay you pray that I get Red Death, the only exotic I really want
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1 ResponderForgive me father for I may have sinned. I think commandment one should be Thou haven't "earned" anything.
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2 RespostasPreist Torque I have created a clan on destiny. We shall be known as the RNGESUS Worshipers.
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4 RespostasEditado por Naualli: 1/16/2015 3:40:59 PM[i]Priest Torgue[/i] could You please indicate if the confessional is available? I believe I might have fallen from the grace of [b]RNGesus[/b], I know I should be grateful for our daily, weekly, nightfall and raids rewards blessings even if they are for another class, but I really need some help and to be in [b]RNGesus[/b] grace again.
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2 RespostasAfter #3, snickering can be heard from random Hunters across the room.
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GJALLARLUJAH! and may everyone be blessed by the Lord!
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Ha. That was a good laugh
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Gesus does nawt fiind dis fun knee.
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Who's scruffy-looking?
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Thank you The Sacred, I got my raid boots today. I humbly pray for thy helmet or the mantle of the warlock class amen
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RNGesus and his followers, please help me find friends on the almighty PS3 console so that thy shall not have to be alone on a journey in the name of the Lord Traveler to conquer Crota and the Glass Bloke.
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4 RespostasThy shall not covet thy neighbours exotic lol
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#WARLOCKMASTERCLASS
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7 RespostasBrothers and sisters, i ask that you remember my titan in your prayers. She is in need of a new chest piece. her old one is too outdated to keep up any more. i thank ya!
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Lol But it would have been even better if the numbers were out of order (1, 8, 2, 6, etc)
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Editado por DamUstr8BabyGurl: 1/16/2015 7:22:29 PMI renounce RNGesus my lord and savior is lootcifer all hail the mighty lootcifer
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BRILLIANT!
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31 RespostasThis entire thread is stupid! (I have a Christianic religion so don't be offended, this kinda stuff just makes me mad.)