Okay. Figure I should pitch my two cents in here. One last time. Yesterday, Sep7agon, Anarchy forum. Somebody felt like taking potshots at you. Bio jumped in. And it sparked something in my head, whatever's left of it. Yesterday was a whole mess. And even more so, it's just one big wake up call to how much I'm falling apart. Long story short, I'm pushing everything out of my way K'tan. Even friends. I'm dissappearing and going through with this on my own because my friends, while being the only thing I can lean on right now for support, are toxic to me because they can never give the love and support I need. And I run the risk of blowing up on them or pulling them down with me. So we come to you. You, just you. I don't know you. I've heard everybody's complaining, and at best, seen some of the stuff you've pulled in the past. Everybody naturally would have doubts about the legitimacy of your claim. Me? I don't care. Know why? Because I honestly hope you're faking. I hope to crhist your faking. Because if it were me? I would take the backlash and the shame and the resentment of being known as a fake any day over what I'm going through right now. Any day, any time. So if you're faking? Then good for you. Because you can't even begin to understand what being in a state like this does to you. And if you're not? Then I am sorry. Legitimately sorry for you because even though the circumstances may be different, we face the same end result. I'm falling apart on the outside and the inside for different reasons. But no doubt, you'll start to fall down the same road I'm going right now. How could you not? So I say this to you. If you're feeling remorsful about the shit you've pulled. If you're suddenly hit upside the head with the weight of what you've done throughout your life, the garbage you've done to people, and you want to make up for it? Don't. Because it won't save you. It won't help you. And you made your choices in the past. You made your shitty choices in the past when you always had the option to change and turn around right there. And you never stopped, and looked, and decided, "Hey, maybe I should smarten my act up." So why am I telling you this? Because I'm your polar opposite generally. I've always tried to do my best around people. Never wanted to hurt anyone, or make people upset because that's a terrible feeling to know. People say "Oh it's just the internet" but they are rather blind. Words hold more ability than you think and in a space like the internet everybody shows their true colours, even if they wear masks. I tried to do the best I could, always. I made my mistakes too. I still do, even now. And in the end it got me nothing. The friends I lean on can't ever hope to provide the love and care I so desperately need and want to see for once in my life. My family is sitting here with me through all of this but they don't have to wake up every single day to a body that's rotting on the outside and a mind that decays on the inside from depression that I am consciously aware of yet still can't stop. The doc, a good man who's been doing his best to keep me going and trying to help me with everything he knows by optimizing what they're injecting into me, and taking care of the counter drugs they're giving me to fight everything I'm going through, is still unable to help all of it. So. There you go K'tan. Your choices led up to this. And for good or bad, no matter what you do, you'll be doing it alone. You can choose to do what you want from here. But it's only going to end the same -blam!-ing way. That's not to say that you can't try and enjoy what you have left. Even now I can still do that. Enjoy bits and pieces of whatever I have left. But know that ultimately your efforts to do anything regarding people will lead you to nothing but wasted time, twisted emotions wrapped around you like wires until they snap from the tension and rip you apart in the process, and pain for yourself and all your friends and loved ones around you. If you have somebody close to you, a significant other, then hang on to them because you'll need them. I can tell you that for sure because that's something I've always lacked. And I've been searching for one for a long time now. And because I don't have that shoulder to lean on, it's killing me alongside 5 or 6 other things at the same time. So you should understand this. Use you friends and family as long as you can to try and support yourself because you'll need them and only them. You can't depend on the kindness of strangers. But eventually, one way or another you'll have to do this by yourself and that's a reality you can't avoid. But don't let it leech into your friends and family and don't let it make your last moments with them painful. And that's it.