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10/21/2013 6:42:57 PM
26
New Study Finds Human Beings Were Never Meant To Wake Up From Sleep
[quote]BOSTON—According to a new study published in The New England Journal Of Medicine this week, human beings were never meant to wake up after falling asleep, but were rather supposed to remain in a deep, peaceful slumber until eventually expiring. “Our research team of evolutionary biologists conducted an extensive and thorough examination of human physiology, past and present, and determined that human beings were, in their ideal state, supposed to be born, spend a solid 12 hours awake as an infant, and then lie down for a tranquil, dream-filled sleep from which they would then not awaken,” lead researcher Dennis Zeveloff said of the findings, which also suggest that life for early man was not supposed to last longer than one day. “Eventually, after spending three or four weeks lying comfortably in bed, humans were meant to just slide directly into death. In fact, the truly optimal state toward which human evolution aspired was for all individuals to succumb to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome almost instantly after exiting the womb.” The study concluded that, based on these findings, coma patients should be considered among the most highly evolved humans on the planet.
- The Onion[/quote]
English
#Offtopic
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Editado por Ad Hoc: 10/22/2013 7:43:48 PMMan, I'm glad that was posted by the Onion. I was scared because a group of scientists was saying something that made absolutely no sense.
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1 Respuesta[quote]- The Onion[/quote] Probably the most important part to read. I can easily sleep for 12 straight hours.
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This is why I read the bottom first.
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5 RespuestasThat's... yeah. No.
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19 RespuestasMaking fun of SIDS is a bit pathetic really.
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lol, the onion.
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Props to the onion.
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[quote]Man, I'm glad that was posted by the Onion. I was scared because a group of scientists was saying something that made absolutely no sense.[/quote]
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Editado por ThankGod4Words: 10/22/2013 7:37:53 PM[quote]- The Onion[/quote] 10/10, thought it was real until then.
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top lel
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Damn, nature has cheated me!
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Scrolling down on the mobile app, it totally had me until I saw -The Onion
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I heard someone on my bus talk about it this morning, lololol.
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Looks like the people in comas are doing it right.
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1 RespuestaSo, what does that make those really fat people who can hardly move? I bet they can sleep a lot too.
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1 RespuestaThe Onion? They're the only news agency that reports facts these days.
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[quote]-The Onion[/quote] I smell bullshit!
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1 RespuestaGood thing that's from the Onion or I would have lost my shit.
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Ultimate kek
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It's a lie. We are in the matrix.
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Top most kek. So... When animals go to sleep... They shouldn't wake up either? Or are we special? And if this were the case, none of us should exist as our ancestors would have all died right? Haha must be a troll post.
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Soo why ar-... Holy shit. My entire life is a lie and i've been asleep all this time.
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Looks like I have to text and drive while high and drunk crash into a teenage girl and go into a comma... Logic
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I can't wait for people to think this is serious.
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The onion is top lel
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1 Respuestainb4butthurt
