I haven’t been able to sleep well at all these past few nights because I’m tired of being angry, sad, and lonely all the time. These emotions come and go but this time they hit me like a damn truck and I’m hurting. I constantly feel like I’m being left behind compared to everyone I grew up with. They’re all making families, getting good jobs, buying houses, getting married, and seem to be living good lives. Sure they might have problems I don’t know about but they’ve accomplished so much more than me when we’re the same age. It hurts more when it feels like I pissed away my prime years when I should have spent that time creating the foundations of the things aforementioned. I look in the mirror and I see nothing but my own worst enemy... me. In what time I could have spent figuring out this thing we call life I spent it doing nothing and here I am at 24 half ways to 25 still trying to figure out how to adult while everyone else seems to “get it” besides me. The loneliness is killing me and this pandemic we’re is making things worse. The girl I’ve been talking to for months now seems like she’s slowly starting to lose interest in me. Making it this far and having her go away would devastate me because this is the furthest I’ve been with any girl ever. It’s not like I can try to talk to other girls either because the ones I [i]did[/i] talk to, I seem to have the unlucky habit of driving them away. I can never figure out why and it frustrates the hell out of me. If I had a dollar every time I’ve heard “You’re a nice guy! Any girl would be lucky to have you” I’d be filthy stinking rich. I just want a relationship man. There’s a song by Metallica called The Unnamed Feeling. The song itself is nothing special or anything but there’s one line of lyrics that has always stood with me that perfectly describes me: “Found safety in this loneliness but I cannot stand it anymore.” Anyways yeah, I overthink way too much. I’m going to bed now to try to get some sleep.