Wut I do?

Yea man, I think this post is actually what I shoulda gone for with mine. I like the message it sends: Come off on a good foot, and accept the party for what it is. After all, it is a party with a family, and you should learn to get around and potentially make a few friends with the users on here. Also, I never knew you felt that way in the first paragraph... I hope I haven’t been contributing to that hate 0-0

No Cell, you never have contributed to that hate. The people that do, they know who they are and what I am talking about. They will either make no comment or try to tear me down for exposing them in an effort to keep their ego inflated. Yeah, I have felt this way for a long time & it is why I left and why I want to leave. I am not the Offtopic daddy, I am just a dude being who he is and that dude is tired of seeing people hate and start shit like it has no consequences. They feel safe behind their screens and not one of them has the stones to do that in public because they know the end result, even though they will act tough and say they aren't. Real people, they give a shit about others and they understand that everything has a consequence. When I am pushed to my limits, I know my anger will hurt others or make them laugh at me. In that moment, I could not care any less and I want it to hurt them. Afterwards though, I am saddened that I was pushed so far. I do not disengage like I should, I almost always hope to make the other see reason, but some folks, they just want to start shit and watch others lose their shit because they know that person can not touch them. All these people, who cry and scream foe a better world, but they do not see that their methods are the same evil as the ones they are against. It wears me out. It has left me feeling so very, very tired and wanting to get as far away from people as possible. In the end, all I can do is keep trying and hope that others can do better then me and maybe, just maybe, inspire others to be the change they want to see.

Damn, never knew you actually felt that way Hoss. I’ll be sure to keep that under my belt when the time arises. Usually those people I ignore, but there are times where it’s near impossible to ignore them. Sucks that many people start off on such a bad footing. Some of them may actually be really good people irl, but just asshats online.

Yeah, I have wanted to say it for a long time. With my pain levels increasing and the surgery looming, I have less patience and less -blam!-s to give about saying everything on my mind. I want to ignore those fools as well, but I always think, what if they are a good person? What if they just need even 1 person to see that? So I try. Same for the political crap and the religious nonsense. They want everyone to drink their Kool-Aid, but they do not want to consider how it is just like the otherside of their coin is doing the same thing, but hey, it is ok because it is what they want, right. I was taught to always play the devil's advocate, see every side of an issue before you make a judgement. Yet how many people here know this about me? How many people know if I am religious or not? How many know my political stand point? And if they do not know mine and make an assumption based on me playing devil's advocate, then you can bet they have not bothered to learn anyone else's and are just assuming. In the end, we are taught not to trust each other, not to have faith in our common man. Hate what you don't understand. Take what is yours. Your way is the right way. That hasn't worked and it is killing us and driving us apart, but we still follow it because at the end of the day, we can blame our actions on another and say, "They told me to do it that way." So then you get what you see here today, 1 guy so worn down that he doesn't see a point in hiding what he feels anymore, because he kept it silent so that those good people who would read it and feel like they were the problem would be spared that extra guilt they should never have to carry. I am tired of the silence and letting others think it is weakness to care, because it isn't. It takes far more strength and character to give a shit then it does to say -blam!- everyone, I am out for me.

[quote] It takes far more strength and character to give a shit then it does to say -blam!- everyone, I am out for me.[/quote] Well this right here alone speaks levels. Surprising that you’ve actually kept this silent for a long time, that’s quite a burden to carry. To just accept assumptions for what they are and move along. Like the fact that you like to look on the other side of the screen. Perhaps you probably need a break from this place as you have been thinking about. I don’t want you stressed out and seeing this as a burden. I want you to find this place enjoyable in the end, and if that means taking that break, go for it my guy. Perhaps you may be able to deal with this stuff after the surgery, which is already causing enough stress in and of itself. Personally, whenever I’m on a bad day and know damn well I’m gonna blow up if someone replies to me in a wrong way, I take a break for a week. It does help, but eventually you get a home sickness kinda thing going on. I dunno, it’s complicated. For me, I can never leave. But breaks do help, I can confirm that. I also hope that surgery goes well. It’s stressful stuff just thinking about it.

I have a few bright spots that make me smile here, but for the most part, this place is no longer a place to hang out and have fun & it hasn't been. Don't get me wrong, I have fun sometimes, like when Nil and CHL wrote that return story for me, it made me feel very happy and pushed me to be creative as a thank you for the wonderful story they wrote. Then there are those times when I have had an inspiration for a shit post, like the frickin pee laser beams. I wanted to share that and share the laughs I got out of the idea. In the end though, I am always real and true to me and now that the surgery has approval, I am hoping to hear that I will get the date in the next couple of days. Then I will be gone for quite a while, so my break will be then.