1) I don't care what your light level is. If you can survive, I can teach you the raid. If you can't survive, your 400 means nothing. 2) It's not that you have a squeaky voice or that you're 12; it's that you won't shut the -blam- up. 3) No one wants to hang out and emote at each other while you get a pizza, load a bong, or watch a YouTube video "real quick." Be ready or GTFO. 4) I would rather teach someone how to run the sword than wait 20 minutes for your friend, the awesome swordbearer, to finish playing Trials. 5) If we wipe because someone made a simple mistake; it's not necessary to recap the entire strategy. It's super unnecessary to debate using a new strategy. If the player knows what they did wrong, just restart and try again. 6) My willingness to let players "try something" degrades over time. If we're blowing through, I want someone new to run relic/sword for experience. If we've been here for 2 hours, it's time to lock it up and get it done. 7) Do not strafe when everyone is firing rockets! Stand still! 8) I'm not going to call you out for using a stupid weapon. I used to run raids with the dumbest weapons I could think of, just because. But if someone else calls you out for using a shotgun to damage Warpriest, I won't feel sorry for you. 9) If the team needs to call Oracles, Servitors, Oryx slamming, etc. This is not story time. This is not time for you to serenade us or crank up the Weeknd so that we can all enjoy it. Shut up and listen for your cue. We can all jam out to your crappy music on the way to the tower. 10) All that cool Osiris gear is just going to make me extra disappointed in you for breaking the rules above. Edit: Thank you so much for all the responses. If only my novels could get this kind of response! Anyways, some of the players who replied seem to be getting their panties in a twist over this list of demands. I added "#funny" up top to help some of our slower members realize this is a HUMOROUS post. Also there seems to be a lot of concern over my low number of raid completions. Although no one has given me a specific requirement, I apparently haven't done enough raids. These erudite posters have forced me to make a very startling admission about myself that will undoubtedly shed light on my lack of completions: [spoiler]Destiny isn't the only thing in my life.[/spoiler] If you liked this post, please check out my articles on Planet Destiny. I have weapon reviews and my infamous "Rejected Grimoire Cards." Trigger Warning: If you're the type who feels like I don't have enough experience to write about Destiny, you're probably going to get pretty butt hurt over my audacity to review exotics, too.