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Editado por A Spooky Reaper:
3/7/2017 7:08:09 PM
22
Need some relationship advice.
I can't believe I'm posting this here, but here it goes.
So there is this girl I worked with for two years. Over this last winter break we started talking more seriously. I have had a crush on her for a while and I found out she was also interested. We went on a two dates and then I made my first mistake. I asked her to be my girlfriend and she agreed.
We've gone on about 8 dates since and it's been about a month. We really hit it off and have a lot in common. We both decided we wanted to wait to have sex, because getting physical too early is a mistake we have both made in previous relationships. So all we have done is basic cuddling and kissing.
So here is the issue. I'm a hopeless romantic and I think I pushed too hard. We've been talking pretty much everyday and I may have pushed too hard for her to meet my folks, which she is uneasy about. I gave her flowers this last weekend when I visited her and she told me they were beautiful and she hugged me. Last night she called me and said,
"It was nice to see you! (I go to college an hour and half away from her) I just think maybe we rushed Into being bf, gf? I'm sorry, I like you I just don't know if I want to be a gf right now"
This hurt a lot but I told her that I just want her to be happy and I support her decision. I decided to end contact for a few days but she texts me this morning saying,
"I don't want you to think I'm pulling back because of your story or anything like that (I opened up to her about my past) it's not why I don't have a reason I just felt it and needed to".
I told her I understand and to have a good day. She just texted me again about a tornado watch in our area.
So I need advice. I'm so confused here. Usually when a girl says she isn't ready, she just means she isn't interested in you. But she keeps texting me and I don't know what to do. I really like her but I don't want to come across as needy like I may have been.
Please give me some advice guys. I'm 20 and she's 19 btw.
So an update: we spoke a bit yesterday, nothing serious. I haven't texted her today and I probably won't unless she does first. I want to reflect and give her time to realize that she has her space if she needs it.
English
#Offtopic
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Considering I've never been on a date, and I've only ever asked a single girl out (she happened to already have a guy back home), I'm not the most experienced in this realm of discussion. However, I will provide my thoughts regardless and allow you to interpret them as you see fit. It seems to me as though you're backing off father than she intended. She may not be currently interested in a romantic relationship, but it appears as though she still cares deeply for you as a platonic friend. She still seems interested in your life, and it's possible to be close platonic friends without being in a romantic relationship. In fact, I personally only see very subtle differences. Consider this: if she's good enough to be a girlfriend, then why wouldn't she be good enough to be a friend? I'd suggest you remain friendly with her, and that can include initiating conversations. However, when it comes to the concept of "dating," then I feel as though she's now responsible for restarting it when/if she feels ready.
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1 RespuestaThis would be easier if I knew the story you told her about your past But from what you have here, I'd say wait just play it normal. Talk to her like you would one of your friends. Let her know that you're there for her but you respect her decision.
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I have been summoned
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2 RespuestasEditado por Commander9067: 3/8/2017 2:49:43 AMI've been in your shoes several times, actually. I can't tell you exactly what you need to do, because every one is different. Mine always ended with "You're a really great guy and you're amazing and fun and blah blah blah, let's be friends blah blah" The "friendzone" as emotional teenagers call it. Which lead to awkward conversations and the sort. Then you start to think "this isn't so bad! Maybe i still have a chance with her!" [spoiler]you don't.[/spoiler] [spoiler]And you probably never will.[/spoiler] And of course we, as the Human race Naturally want what we can't have. Which will most likely drive you into an obsession with her. An unhealthy one, by the way. And then you'll see her on social media talking about other guys, talking pictures of and with other guys and the first thing you'll instantly think is "she's taking pictures with another guy..." then you try to rationalize your fear by constantly reassuring youself by thinking "oh it's just another one of her friends" Just like you were one of her friends. Right? So the time will pass and you'll think that, slowly but surely, you getting back into her heart. Then you'll go on that same social media page and you'll see she's updated her relationship status. And of course this is the worst of it. You'll fall into a state of despair, or depression whatever you'll call it. And you'll be that way for a while. And you'll be changed forever. All because you were chasing someone who didn't want to be chased by you. And then you'll end up like me, a hopless soul who'll never be loved again. Working for an organization. Who couldn't give two shits about you or who you are or were, that doesn't offically exist, or shouldn't exist. Or you could save yourself the trouble and accept that it's a lost cause, and move on to greater things. There's always more fish in the sea.
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SLOW DOWN That's where she is, so you have to meet it at her speed. Otherwise you're going to be going it alone.
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Its really simple. Next time you see her, take her by the shoulders, look her in the eye, and say this... [spoiler][b]IM THE CONDUCTOR OF THE [u]POOP[/u] TRAIN!!![/b][/spoiler]
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1 RespuestaSlap her meat
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7 RespuestasEditado por Neutrill: 3/6/2017 11:09:38 PMWell fella the one thing I can truly say is NEVER bring up the relationship word. Always let the girl do it. As long as you're making her time around you enjoyable she'll eventually bring it up. Don't do anything controversial to jeopardize this. Tell her this if you really want her: "Look, I really care for you and enjoyed our time together but I can't continue the communication anymore unless the circumstances change. I miss you but this just makes it worse. I wish you all the best" Then you'll have to move on and let her figure out what she's missing. You cannot text her after saying this though.
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You think we have answers?
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1 RespuestaEditado por U6757109: 3/7/2017 3:38:06 AMHonestly it really sounds like you have nothing to worry about. Maybe she isn't ready for a relationship. People usually need to have multiple relationships/experiences before they're ready to settle down and commit. Just take things nice and easy for awhile and she might change her mind. She still likes you, so I think she just wants to take things slow. Or maybe you spooked her by rushing things.
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1 RespuestaEditado por RokNBrokN: 3/7/2017 5:05:38 AMGive it time. Stay as you were minus the cuddling and kissing. Once she is ready to get back into a relationship get back together. [spoiler]quick side note do you happen to be the INFP personality type?[/spoiler]
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1 RespuestaReally this is the last place you should be asking, Good luck though
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3 RespuestasTornado watch!! Where you at??
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1 RespuestaToast/envelope
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2 RespuestasYou probably just spooked her. 8 dates in a month is like a date every 3 days. And meeting parents that quickly...I can see how it would be intimidating.
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4 RespuestasMake a plan. Don't make a normal or average plan. Don't make a step by step plan. But make a plan.
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Complicated relationship indeed
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I do not know what to tell you. Perhaps let some time pass and ask her how she feels?
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Awareness bump
