I have to disagree. It should be more than possible to use mayo, air, and a system of pumps to make an instrument that produces noises reliably enough to make music. Alternatively, you could drop glass jars of mayo onto a ceramic floor in a rhythmic pattern. As long as you don't mind hearing the sound that is a muffled breaking of glass with the plop that is dropping a large amount of mayo.

Damn...ok well...here's another: People ((Krabs)Yes that's on purpose) playing instruments with big meaty claws.

You just want to keep throwing spongebob references don't you? And while crab claws would probably be horrible for any kind of brass or woodwind instrument, you could probably manage on a percussion or string instrument.