[spoiler][quote]Gather 'round. Lend me your ears as I tell you a tale. Not just any tale. But a tale of love, hate, revenge, and lots of salt. Oh boy. [i]Lots[/i] of salt. It all started when Oboe came into our solar system with his giant rectangle. His rectangle was big. It was mighty. It looked a lot larger on the outside. But it was still a very dangerous rectangle. This rectangle was so dangerous, that the Queen herself, Queen Mayonnaise, had to stop it. Because [i][b][u]plot reasons.[/u][/b][/i] Queen Mayonnaise had to think. How could she stop the evil rectangle? She was under a lot of pressure. This was like her second cutscene in her entire career. She had an entire DLC centered around a fallen house that betrayed her, yet her pirate-secretary, Petroleum, was more important. But now was her time to shine. She and her awoken army fought the mighty rectangle until they realized they were outmatched. Really outmatched. But Queen Mayonnaise had one more trick up her jar. She would use.. [i]the things.[/i] The [i]things[/i] were humble and blue. She gathered around the other condiments and they all bowed their heads as they summoned.. [i]the things.[/i] The [i]things[/i] flew fast and far, straight into the evil rectangle where they did their job to their fullest potential. [i]Which was absolutely nothing.[/i] Queen Mayonnaise fainted immediately from the sheer feeling of being rekt, and soon, the evil rectangle blew everything up. And Queen Mayonnaise died. And everyone was sad. Because Queen Mayonnaise was attractive. By Destiny standards, that is. But still, poor thing. Her brother, Upchuck, landed on Mars where he plays golf with the cabal. But now, the problem was more prominent. The leader of the Hive, Scrota's daddy, came to see why his son wasn't responding to his Facebook messages. He had been informed that some hooligans named Guardians was screwing around with his connection so he came to fix it. But then he found out Scrota was dead and it took a grand total of six guardians to kill him. This made Oboe mad. Kinda. I mean, he wasn't visibly upset but he was at least irritated. So the irritated hive god Oboe started doing weird magic stuff where he would shove an annoying enemy into another dimension, yank it back out, and it would be [i]even more annoying.[/i] They were known as the Taken, and yes they have boyfriends. So the guardians fought the Taken, getting relentlessly turned down when they asked for dinner dates, until they came face to face with Oboe. The guardians killed Oboe, The Taken King, using the power of "I wanna be more than friends" and "Can we at least try?" And as usual, Eris was crying about her dead friends that no one cares about but her, but even that's debatable. After Oboe was dead, the guardians started celebrating Holidays. Like Festival of the "Holy shit, the tower looks badass" and "Let me equip TLW so I can finish this stupid quest" Racing League. And then Crimson FaZe. Where all of the kids without girlfriends migrated to Destiny in hopes of snagging them a grill to have awkward conversations with. There's nothing like showing love and appreciation like shooting your loved ones in the face. Then was the release of the "We need something to compete with Dark Souls 3" update where they introduced boxes that had coloful Creamcorn, that made our weapons have color. Except there were like two weapons that could have Creamcorn and the only way to get Creamcorn weapons was to play an activity that only one fire team likes to play. And now.. here we are. One year later, from the death of Oboe and Queen Mayo, ready to take on the spitters with Captain Salad and become iron whores -BraveCole[/quote][/spoiler]