TRIGGER WARNING: MEAN WORDS [spoiler]I only did a brief overview of these images so if any of them contain gore, nudity, etc. let me know, this isn't worth a ban[/spoiler]

>I was only 9 years old >I loved Bungie so much, I had all the merchandise and movies >I pray to the CoC every night before bed, thanking it for the life I've been given >"Bungie is love" I say; "Bungie is life" >My dad hears me and calls me a -blam!- >I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Bungie >I called him a -blam!- >He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep >I'm crying now, and my face hurts >I lay in bed and it's really cold >Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me >It's a ninja >I am so happy He whispers into my ear "This is my forum." >He grabs me with his stealthy ninja hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees >I'm ready >I spread my ass-cheeks for the ninja >He penetrates my butt-hole >It hurts so much but I do it for Bungie's CoC >I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water >I push against his force >I want to please Bungie >He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love >My dad walks in >The ninja looks him straight in the eyes and says "We're gonna play nice now." >The ninja leaves through my window >Bungie is love. Bungie is life.

> be me > is walking dog because choirs > weebs/furries/fnafags come up to me >act like they know me >confusedlook.jpeg >walk away >4 minutes later >dog shits > pick it up in thin plastic bag > walking back home >get confronted by tumors again >they start spouting sjw bs > is pissed > starts swinging bag of shit around my head >duckandcover.gif >bag o warm shit hits middle one >explodes onto others > triplekill.mp4 > buy dog best dog treats at petco > never see tumors again

>work at GameStop >mother comes in >asks for a game called COD >says it's for his sons birthday >says "there is no game we have called COD, but I'll see any related games". >suggests Pro Bass fishing tournament. >she buys it >1 week later >the mother comes back and asks for a refund >her son meant Call of duty >trades Pro bass fishing tournament in with Call Of Duty: Medieval Warfare 4. >never got reported

>first day being dealer >giggles.jpeg >man asks for coke >is Pepsi alright? >gets stabbed

>be me >be 17 >went to the store >bought half gallon pickle jar >-blam!-ing love me some pickles >ate some pickles as soon as I got home >tastesgoodman.pdf >so good I decided to eat more of them >head over to computer >start playing vidya >urge is not sated >go back to life-giving pickles several more times >start eating more pickles >start eating several pickles at a time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain >initiate usain bolt sprint to bathroom >barely get my ass on the toilet as a -blam!-ing waterfall emerges from my asshole >never in my life has relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that shit >clean up and go back to playing wargame: red dragon >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, and repeat >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more -blam!-ing times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's difference this time >i KNOW there's nothing in there >shit out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" >all at once the burning of a thousand young suns sets upon my anal sphincter >I had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >crawl in shower, turn cold water on full black, and lie prone while gently sobbing In retrospect, completely worth it I Love me some pickles

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>be me > > > >8/10 > > > >spaghetti > > >.jpg > >dinosaur > > >tfw

>Be me >Just joined b.net >Regret everything instantly

>be me >it's summer >love burgers >family goes to the usual place >get me a double boiger with Swiss cheese, bacon and caramelized onions and fries with Cajun spice >FoodGloriousFood.mp3 >we eat >we leave >I sleep >wake up an hour later >asshole is about to explode >sprint to the bathroom >my pants are off and my ass on the shitter >diarrhea shoots out from my anus for about five minutes >my tumtum is still gurgling but I got back to sleep >Round 2 >once again I run to the shitter >diarrhea explodes from my asshole >shit water touches my ass cheeks >after a long battle, I slowly walk to my room >SurpriseMotherf*cker.gif >I feel something go up my esophagus >I run so fast, I teleport to the toilet >I vomit my guts out >I'MAFIRINGMALAZER.jpg >I am done >go back to bed >rinse and repeat 6 more times >5:45 A.M. >I am broken >the bathroom is now my bedroom >I start to gag >my asshole is about to burst >I've given up >my puke and shit is on the floor >I am wallowing in my own filth >by this point I'm shitting and puking water >mfw burgers betray me

>wake up at 3PM and roll out of my racecar bed >piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie >waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey >lights off, nobody there >there is a note on the refrigerator >"Pumpkin, Dytravius and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicky tendies just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungy for num-nums. Love you, Mom" >-blam!-ing -blam!- has let my tendies get cold and mushy >and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave >she will -blam!-ing learn today >change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable and hit the road >spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo >arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo >brace myself and enter the lobby >let loose my battle cry >RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE >"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE" >pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random >staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery >entire venue is being evacuated >navigate my way to White Holes Black Poles 8 in the adult section >mummy and new daddy are in the front row >covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand >mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror >walk slowly towards her while chanting "..tendies...tendies...tendies..." >our eyes are locked >as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha -blam!- this -blam!--" >cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head >bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers >her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo >say very slowly and clearly >"Don't you ever -blam!- with my chicken tenders again." And the best part is that she was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points >go into micky d's for some mid-afternoon tendies >order my chicky-chicky tendy-wendies and ask for just a water cup because "i'm trying to shrink this tubby tummy" with a wink at the cashier >walk over to the soda fountain, pour out the icewater, and fill it up with my super secret soda formula (it's coke, dr pepper, and just a smidge of hawaiian punch teehee) >prance out while cackling maniacally before the normies can call the cops on me for soda theft >go home and enjoy the spoils of war

>Brit reads this (I'm British :p) >U WOT M8

>be British >see this post >feels hurt >crys in corner

>be me >just updated IOS app >woooaaah >looks for forums >sees they're tucked away in a back corner >rages

>Be me >Canadian >Read OP's post >Trying to fight stereotypical nature >Tells the British people sorry on behalf of OP >Politely leaves but holds the door for the next person coming into the thread