[spoiler]this is way too long and I'm sorry I advance. I wanted to write somewhere and this was all I could think of where it would just be ignored and I could still get it out of my system. I'm sorry[/spoiler] I don't know what to do. Not with my life, just as in how to deal with feeling depressed all the time. My situation seems hopeless, and I don't have anywhere/anyone to go to. No I'm not suicidal. I'm literally just...depressed. I just don't know anymore. I'm unemployed, I don't have a car, I'm trying to go back to school and find a job within walking distance. I walked two miles the other day just begging for a job but no one was hiring. I want to be independent and not rely on my boyfriend. Our relationships probably falling apart, I don't know and I don't really care anymore, i don't care about anything anymore. Whatever happens happens. I'm literally alone aside from my Xbox friends, they are all I have and I really hate to admit that even to them. I get so upset for no reason just because I'm so stressed out and worried. I've abused drugs as a way of coping and feeling something. I'm only 19 but I've been through more than I'm willing to say or maybe just accept. I have no one to tell this to, so sorry for whoevers reading this if you even made it this far. This is how I really feel. I don't know myself. I just exist. I'm really good for nothing. I just want to feel things. I can't cry, but I'm really good at pretending to laugh. I feel like I'm slowly slipping further away from reality and I don't know how to recover. Will it ever be the same? Will I ever know what happiness is? Or how it feels to love someone who you know loves you back, just as much as you love them? I want to be successful and show everyone that I'm a somebody. I'm stuck, I'm forgetting what love is and what friendship is and what it means to care. The only thing that takes my mind off of all of this is when I play Destiny. For some reason I can just throw myself into the game for 10+ hours at a time and in that time I forget what my life really is. Destiny is my escape, when I win something I feel a small sense of accomplishment and pride, and that's what I Iive for right now- those little triumphs. But I just want to care about me for once, on my own, but no ones ever taught me how. I want a purpose. I want to live. I want to live well. [spoiler]i apologize again for the long post and the irrelevance and the Destiny talk but like I said I just needed to write down how I feel. I can't do this to myself and I'm trying to help myself as much as I can. I'm sorry for posting here, I'll delete everything if I need to. Thanks for reading if you made it here, sorry...again. [/spoiler] Edit: thanks again everyone for your help, I'm feeling much better this morning.