I would strap 45lb plates to my ball sack and swim up the Amazon river with Rosie O'Donnell's queef as my air supply to prove my value to you. I would lick gravy from the crevices of Ralphie May's thighs to have a conversation with you over a syphilis ridden cell phone with bad reception. I would belly flop into a pool of Aids infested needles just to put my name in a hat with 1 million other names for a chance to caress your beautiful legs while wearing gloves. I would let 100 black anaconda'd men run a train on me, call me Chauncie, bukkaki in a 10 gallon jug in which i will consume over a course of 2 hours just so i can get a taste of the poop of the guy who have had touched the receipt that she handed to him during her shift at hooters. I would strangle a moose with a 3 foot long piece of dental floss, gut it with my teeth and use the hide as a coat, then climb Mt. Everest barefoot while listening to Justin Bieber and cannibalizing on my climbing partner to survive with 10,000 volt shock-clamps attached to my nipples just to have a 1% chance to be able to eat a crusty piece of dried vaginal secretion from a pair of your 6-year-old panties that had never been washed.

OP is horny.

This help you any?