That was pritty good especially for the first one. [spoiler]I would recommend you add the tag off topic, stuff like this gets buried in anything else, trust me I know.[/spoiler] there are two things a would recommend, the main character glides around. Just a added action to indicate that he is moving as well you be nice (don't over emphasis it, i just noticed that one he told them to fall back he was at the top of the wall and then was with them with no indication that he had left the wall) Lastly, eos was referred to as a him in one sentence, I'm assuming she is a she.