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Destiny

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Edited by Analytical Ghost: 8/22/2016 2:17:39 AM
8

The Road To Dawn Book One: Chapter Two "Fall From Heaven"

[b]The Road To Dawn Book One: Morning Crimson Chapter Two: Fall From Heaven[/b] “Hey, over here! You’re Phantom right?” Walking out from the distance, a lone hunter stood shouting my name. He waved his hands up in the air, trying to get my attention. “Yup! That’s me!” I cuffed my hands so he could hear me. The hunter ran over, holding a red auto rifle in his hands. His approach met its end once, the sprint he started halting in my wake. “Hey, I’m Jack. I’ll be taking you back to the tower. What happened to your ship?” Jack’s chest moved up and down, he’s out of breath. Could this hunter be mere fresh blood? “I was attacked by...something...when I tried to go past Mars. Probably those cranky awoken.” I said in reply. “Most likely. I’ll transmat us to the ship now.” He pulled out his ghost, beginning to talk to it. “Hey Ghost, please transmat me and my friend here to the ship.” “Of course.” Said the ghost, the transmat sequence taking me aboard his ship. The sleek light gray and black color style screamed a new guardian to me. “Say, how long have you been a Guardian?” I asked. “Two and a half months. Barely getting the hang of it.” The response confirmed my suspicion. He was just an underling carrying out his first few menial tasks. He began to ask me a question in return. “How long have you been a Guardian yourself?” “Three years.” I said. “Wow, that’s so long. You must be an expert!” “You could say something like that.” I pulled out my knife and started flipping it in my hand. He jumped into the cockpit, pushing us back towards the earth with extreme speed. The ship jumped into hyperspace, it won’t be long until we arrive. Jack spun around his chair in the cockpit, looking back at me. “We’ll be there in a jiffy. I’m sure you can find a new ship.” He said. “Yeah, there is one i’ve been watching for some time. Might cash in my glimmer stash and buy it. It has a cool blue and white design, and its so sleek….” My sentence was interrupted by the ship pulling out of hyperspace. Jack turned with shock on his face to the window of the ship. “What the heck!? Why are we stopped? Ghost what is this?” He said, pulling out his ghost to look at the controls. It scanned them, staring out the window and then turning towards Jack. “We’re being jammed by something! Our hyperspeed has been stopped by an outside interference, but the engines are still going.” After the ghost said this is when the empty space around us sparked chaos. A single glowing green orb bent the space around it while it sat in the middle of the ship. I instantly knew what it was. “Jack! Get down!” I threw my helmet against a wall, taking the knife I had in my hand and tossing it at the orb. It exploded, disappearing into space. “These green orbs are oracles. That means the Vex tracked us and are trying to tap into our power.” “Wait what? Those machines are trying to strand us? How did they even…” Jack said in reply. I ran over to my helmet, picking my knife up from the ground and holding it in my hand. “I know why. Cause stupid me decided to take some vex tech to fix my comms.” I dug into my helmet, skimming the whole comm pack from the side of it. More oracles appeared. One inside the ship, 3 others surrounding our ship as we slowly descend towards the picture of earth. “This is bad, so bad! What are we gonna do?!” Jack had his hands on his head, confused in the whole situation. I made quick work of the oracle in the ship with my knife again. Omicron blinked out in front of me. “Phantom, Jack, I have an idea. Do we have enough power to crash on the moon?” Omicron said. “I don’t know! Ghost, do we?” He said, looking at his ghost. “I think so actually, smart thinking Omicron. But we have to act quickly or we are all doomed.” Said the ghost. “Shade, all we have to do is aim at the moon and eject at the last minute. We will be fine.” Said Omicron. “Wait, your name is Shade, Ghost?” Said Jack in even more confusion. “Yeah, you never asked.” Shade began scanning the console once again. The lights in the ship went out. “Sorry, but we only have enough power to crash.” The small image of the moon became a giant smudge of gray that covered the dark cockpit window. I grabbed my helmet, putting it on as a precaution. The scene disappeared, I am now standing on the moon. I watched as the ship fell from the heavens, crashing into a fiery blaze on the dusty, gray surface of the Moon. “The vex won’t dare mess with us here.” Said Omicron. “Yeah, maybe so. But I still hate dust.” I kicked at the ground, throwing dust in my wake. The single thread that connected me to the heavens snapped before my eyes. The greedy sinners of the vex climbed with me, and left me to fall to the dust. My what a good day today is. ~~~~~~~~ Want to read more? Click here for the [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/211432898]Chapter Directory[/url] Next Chapter: Yet to be released

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  • [quote]Most likely. I’ll transmat us to the ship now.”[/quote] Definitely work on dialogue. (I realize this is only second chapter) But you could make it seem a bit more interesting, and make it transition better. The minor things really make a difference. "Most likely. So, yeah, I'll take us up to the ship now..."

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