That gun is bullshit, and so is anyone that uses it. I'm playing a control, about to single handedly take B, when I round the corner and what do I see but a warlock wearing alchemists raiment (of course he is, glimmer hogging asshat, glimmer is OP) hard scoping my direction with his stupid questing beast.
How did he know I was coming? You guessed it. He was watching his radar (of course he was, screen cheating asshat, radar is OP). Did I screen cheat my radar to see if the coast was clear? Ooooh no. No sir EEE bob! I don't need crutches the way you knit hard sweaters do. So, I flew out in the open and hit him with five headshot bursts from my gnarly totally spec'd out 290 hawksaw! Right to his dome!
Actually, technically, I SHOT 5 times. I don't think all of those bullets hit him. A few hit his teammate on his left. A few others hit his teammate on his right. That's right folks, he was point camping with TWO TEAMMATES (of course he was, focus firing asshat, teammates are OP).
So, like I was saying, I flew out in the middle of the point, hawksaw blazing, tearing all three of them up, and I INSTA-DIED! Like, less than a half a second later I was dead. What killed me? The last word his right hand teammate was using? The clasp of matlock his left hand teammate was using? Nope. The OP questing beast. Said so right there on the screen. Killed by questing beast. That's bullshit he killed me so fast! I was supposed to go all CoD on their asses, rage on all three of them and secure the point! By myself! Like a ninja! But because of his crutchy ass QB, I died. Bungie, please nerf before QB ruins your game!
While we're at it, could you take all hunter supers out of the game? Every time I go all sith lord and get me a double kill using my totally awesome lightning PvP skills, some stupid noob hunter pops out to kill me with a golden BAZOOKA or arrows of UNOBTANIUM or knives made out of CHUCK NORRIS' BEARD!! So lame.
So, bungie, if you don't want me to quit, please nerf hunters! And the questing beast! And while we're at it, all heavy weapons! And sniper rifles (not shotguns, I'm cool with those)! And auto rifles! And guns! Please please please or I quit!!1!
tl;dr Nerf anything that kills me, so I can be ninja.
[b]EDIT:[/b] I feel I should address this. All a satire tag is is an attempt to explain a joke after telling. If you have to explain a joke after telling it, either it's not funny or your audience isn't very bright.
When I was in college, I would sometimes seek out establishments known to serve cheap drinks and attract loose ladies. While I enjoyed my ladies loose back in those days, I did not enjoy them dumb. So, somewhere in the open I would tell what I call a barometer joke. A couple of examples would be:
A photon walks into the airport. The TSA agent says, "Hello, sir! Will you be checking any bags today?" The photon respond, "No thanks. I'm traveling light."
What's the best thing about moving to Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag's a big plus.
Not the best jokes in the world, but if you laughed I knew we could converse without me feeling like I was masturbating with a cheese grater (slightly amused but mostly in pain).
This post has been quite the barometer! Now I know which guardians I want to take home and which ones I want to pat on the head and walk away from :D
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Photon joke is a bit geeky, Switzerland joke is good. Original post is excellent.
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Sign here to nerf Questing Beast
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Most posts a just filler while i hit the head, but I enjoyed reading this, thanks.
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8==========================D 8======================D 8================================D 8============D 8==============================D
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You've summoned me
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[quote]clasp of matlock[/quote]
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Love this.
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How dare people [i]shoot me with guns before I shoot them?![/i]
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You would really move to Switzerland just for the flag??????? What a jabroni -_-
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"Masturbating with a cheese grater" I died. Then my ghost revived me. Then I died again. #TitanMasterRace
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I love the satire but what's wrong with hawksaw?!
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A closely guarded secret at bungie was the bd knife creation. You who have spilled this secret among the unwashed masses must die..chuck rules bytches
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Edited by A Tigerstorm: 2/14/2016 10:57:31 PMMuted. Sick and tired of seeing these kinds of posts.
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Lol loved it.
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[quote]That gun is bullshit, and so is anyone that uses it. I'm playing a control, about to single handedly take B, when I round the corner and what do I see but a warlock wearing alchemists raiment (of course he is, glimmer hogging asshat, glimmer is OP) hard scoping my direction with his stupid questing beast. How did he know I was coming? You guessed it. He was watching his radar (of course he was, screen cheating asshat, radar is OP). Did I screen cheat my radar to see if the coast was clear? Ooooh no. No sir EEE bob! I don't need crutches the way you knit hard sweaters do. So, I flew out in the open and hit him with five headshot bursts from my gnarly totally spec'd out 290 hawksaw! Right to his dome! Actually, technically, I SHOT 5 times. I don't think all of those bullets hit him. A few hit his teammate on his left. A few others hit his teammate on his right. That's right folks, he was point camping with TWO TEAMMATES (of course he was, focus firing asshat, teammates are OP). So, like I was saying, I flew out in the middle of the point, hawksaw blazing, tearing all three of them up, and I INSTA-DIED! Like, less than a half a second later I was dead. What killed me? The last word his right hand teammate was using? The clasp of matlock his left hand teammate was using? Nope. The OP questing beast. Said so right there on the screen. Killed by questing beast. That's bullshit he killed me so fast! I was supposed to go all CoD on their asses, rage on all three of them and secure the point! By myself! Like a ninja! But because of his crutchy ass QB, I died. Bungie, please nerf before QB ruins your game! While we're at it, could you take all hunter supers out of the game? Every time I go all sith lord and get me a double kill using my totally awesome lightning PvP skills, some stupid noob hunter pops out to kill me with a golden BAZOOKA or arrows of UNOBTANIUM or knives made out of CHUCK NORRIS' BEARD!![/quote]
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I'll go 7/8. GJ N8.
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Pretty funny
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Wah. You got team shot, bullet gang bang
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Edited by Golden: 2/14/2016 9:47:45 PMReally. Nerf an auto rifle, again? Well lets do this, Shirley, Replace all weapons with multi-colored Dildos, but Surely XD you would cry for a nerf cause the dildo hit you too hard, or you didn't get the Certain perk that when you throw it, it staggers people?
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I read the title got a little mad, read the entire post and lost it at Chuck Norris's beard
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Best b8 I've seen all day 8/8
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Best post pricking cheaters.
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Solid 5/7
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Bump. I cant believe, actually I can, how many people do not get this. Good job.
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Lol awesome
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Thanks for the laugh!!!