Some of my favorites: Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story. Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle. When he crapped it out, it was 6 feet tall and a ninja. A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bay of Lays potato chips saying "betcha can't each just one!" Chuck Norris ate the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move. A ninja once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight. To make it fair, Chuck removed both his arms and one leg. After roundhouse kicking the ninja to death, Chuck sewed his limbs back on with a rusty tent spike and some bailing wire. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real first name was "Charles." Chuck Norris simply stared at the man until his head exploded.