Chapter 1 139472 BCE Hello. I’m Alex Crowley. Also known as A.C. Not sure why I am writing this, but I was told by Satan to write down a record of my daily existence, in a Hell-wide order. So now all demons and undead are writing this down. He said that when we destroy Heaven and kill all the angels and he is the king of existence we can all reflect on how smart and powerful he was to achieve it. Weird. Anyway. I work as a DJ at the biggest club in Hell. Except since it’s Hell and all we get are demons and undead it’s not that fun. I would much rather be some where else shooting seraphim to pieces. Like last night I got this girl to come over and watch a movie. Except she smelled. Bad. Like can’t a demon ever put on deodorant? Cute though. But the cool thing is when she left I found a message on paper she dropped out of her pocket. Something about a meeting of the “big thirteen” tomorrow night. So I went to tell Redacted about it. He’s the local captain of The Forgotten. All big, bad and robotic. They are some kind of ancient robot army that one of the Council found on a vacation to the Lava Flats. So he went to Malaria, the manager of the local Forgotten Militia, he went to Grug, a General in the HellSpawn,(why can’t other demons ever choose normal names and not gibberish?!?!), and he went to Pestilence, the chairman of The Council. And now I work for the Government now. TTYL