When you’re that deep in clinical depression, the thoughts aren’t rational, they are barely even yours. It’s not so much a choice as it is a semi-delusional conviction that there are no other options. For some people, the thought “I want to die” is as common and out of the blue as “I want [x] to eat.” Some people avoid the fridge when they know they shouldn’t. Some people don’t. Everyone gives in to some impulse or another every day. We aren’t in as much control as we like to believe.