Try the netduma. It is built especially to combat lag by providing your with the ability to set the range of who can join your network. Just type in netduma gaming router and you'll find more info. It cost me $200 but it's worth it

Tp-link puts out some routers - archer series - that are pretty good right out of the box. They aren't as good as some gaming routers, but they're pretty good, and are known for ease of setup. You can either configure them to your heart's content, or just use the out-of-box configuration. uPNP is already enabled. The SPI firewall may not be the most secure thing in the world, but neither is putting your console in what these consumer routers like to pretend is a DMZ. Still, it works well without any extra configuration. The wireless auto configuration is pretty spot on. The latest firmware is stable. I have an Archer C9 (v1), and although I like to tweak and tune all of the advanced settings, it isn't necessary. I'm just a network geek. I actually wiped the configuration last night and played Destiny for about an hour (wirelessly, just for kicks). No noticeable difference.

No such thing as already set up, dude :) There are high end routers that are marketed towards gaming, I use a 4 year old Netgear WNDR 3700, cost me £100. If I had to buy a new router it would be a netgear nighthawk (yes there are several). I am not recommending that you buy a new router (unless your current one has sparks coming out of it and is held together with duct tape) Probably your current router will be fine and has many features available to you, but it still requires the advanced features to be set up for your particular priority and devices

I'm using the 4500, it's dose everything you mentioned.