John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everasting life.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through christ who strengthens me"

Canon Jesus is so much cooler then headcannon Jesus

She lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. Ezekiel 23:20 I cri everytim

Bush: 9:11 "I did it"

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive you your sins Matthew 6:14-15

Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Hey.... What happens to people who commit adultery in the bible?

[i]"And then Jesus 360 quick no-scoped to the floor"[/i] John 4:20

I don't remember the verse number, but it went something like this: Adam heard movement nearby and looked up to see Eve stride into the clearing, smooth and naked. Her breasts were globes of perfection, her vagina a slice of heaven. She had a playful smile on her beautiful face. Crossing and uncrossing her glorious slender, muscular legs and swaying her round hips to and fro, she whispered in a melodious, tantalizing voice, "I'm feeling frisky, Adam..." She flicked her long, silky hair back, fully exposing her breasts and her perfectly shaped nipples, which were as hard as bullets. She began to touch herself suggestively and Adam squatted there, staring wide eyed in disbelief at what he was seeing. Getting to his feet slowly, his cock swinging merrily between his legs, his mouth moving like a fish out of water, he managed to get a sentence out: "How the fūck did you escape from the kitchen, you stupid, filthy bastard!?" Lunging forward as fast as a Jaguar, he tackled her to the ground. He grabbed her left nipple and squeezed it so savagely milk and blood squirted out, twisting it simultaneously, while with his other hand he began to choke her. She struggled helplessly beneath him, but he had her pinned down using his knees. From her cocksucking mouth she made pathetic gasping and gurgling noises. Releasing his hold on the nipple cripple, Adam began to slap her face ruthlessly in an alternating forehand-backhand combination. He rammed his knee upwards into her diaphragm and bore his weight down on his choking hand. Eve let out one last tortured gasp, then fell silent as her face and neck turned first red, then purple, then blue. Her vision blurred, turned grey, and then she blacked out. Adam got off her, panting slightly. He was still flaccid. From behind him, God appeared and started the countdown. "10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1..." He then triumphantly raised Adam's right arm skyward and they both let out a "Whoop!" of excitement. Pulling out the WWE 500BC championship belt from nowhere, he handed it to Adam. "You earned it, son. It's yours." Adam proudly fastened the gold and leather trophy around his waist and then approached Eve's unconscious body. She was starting to come to. A sudden cold breeze chilled his spine and his bladder relaxed; he began pissing on Eve. He looked over his shoulder to see the breeze had been caused by God, come to join him. They stood there in the forest clearing, standing over Eve's abused body, pissing on her. And they all lived happily ever after.

Christian people are the most asshole type of people of I've met in my days.. sure they love jesus and wanna serve him but some of these people need to stay after class

2 Kings 2:23-24 It's one where god has two bears maul 42 children because a few of them called a guy bald. [spoiler]Oh wait, that's actually terrible.[/spoiler]

The part where it says we should own slaves.

Is everyone In offtopic an atheist?