Me: "Hunny, if you keep messing with me I'm going to stab your butthole with a fork" Girlfriend: "Are you almost done playing? I'm getting tired" Me: "No, but don't worry, if you fall asleep I'll have sex with you anyway" Fireteam: "Bro, there's laws against that you know" Me: "I'm so tired of that stupid bitch today(Omnigul)" Girlfriend: "Who the -blam!- are you talking to like that about me?" Me: "Not you hunny" Girlfriend: "Whatever. God you're such an asshole" Fireteam: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Son: "Hey dad?" Me: "Yes, son?" Son: "Can I ask you something?" Me: "Of course" Son: "How come hair is growing on my balls?" Me: "Already? You're 7..." Fireteam: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Son: "Can I shave it?" Fireteam: "Smart kid." I get tired of talking to myself for minutes at a time before realizing the mic is muted so I stopped muting it. This shit happens all. the. time.