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9/24/2014 8:10:59 PM
8
The citizens of the Last City sit frozen in fear in their homes as waves of Fallen, Cabal, Hive and Vex crash upon the walls of the city. Even the children know the Darkness is gathering it's strength to slaughter them all. But there is hope...up in the Tower, the Guardians train and strategize. They prepare to protect these people and so they feel a glimmer of hope. Meanwhile a Guardian in the tower spends his precious time humping a purple ball. Other guardians partake in a circle jerk dance party while others blast each other off the roof of the post office with an industrial fan. The Vanguard leaders contemplate suicide. Cayde-6 looks into the distance and thinks to himself, "That guardian is dancing on the edge of a pencil thin radio antennae..." As the Speaker watches a Guardian sacrifice his life to jump off the balcony in pursuit of a soccer ball, he looks off into the city and sighs, wondering if he should do the same instead of be alive to witness the Traveller wake up and implode from pure shock at the waste of it's light
English
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[quote]The citizens of the Last City sit frozen in fear in their homes as waves of Fallen, Cabal, Hive and Vex crash upon the walls of the city. Even the children know the Darkness is gathering it's strength to slaughter them all. But there is hope...up in the Tower, the Guardians train and strategize. They prepare to protect these people and so they feel a glimmer of hope. Meanwhile a Guardian in the tower spends his precious time humping a purple ball. Other guardians partake in a circle jerk dance party while others blast each other off the roof of the post office with an industrial fan. The Vanguard leaders contemplate suicide. Cayde-6 looks into the distance and thinks to himself, "That guardian is dancing on the edge of a pencil thin radio antennae..." As the Speaker watches a Guardian sacrifice his life to jump off the balcony in pursuit of a soccer ball, he looks off into the city and sighs, wondering if he should do the same instead of be alive to witness the Traveller wake up and implode from pure shock at the waste of it's light[/quote] Quote
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We are glad to announce that the guardian known as 2coool4skul696959 who tragically crashed his sparrow into a pool of acid after trying to "jump that big ass blue glowey crack that looks like your moms crotch", has settled into a serene life of ball kicking and high jumping on the post mans booth after suffering severe brain injury in the crash. Many guardians felt he should be banished to the wastes outside the city, or used as fodder in the Crucible, but voices of compassion led by Clothier, Eva Levante, won out and 2cooo4skul696959 was allowed to loiter in the cool patch of grass under the ancient tree in Tower courtyard. Many smell a conspiracy as Levante has been seen dressing the recovered guardian in some of her more outlandish, and some say, insensitively names "shaders" like "Jester Apogee", "Cicero", and "Sparklepony". Those crying conspiracy are also pointing to the Cryptarch who they say is using 2cooo4skul696959 to mule embezzled exotic items to Xur and the Queens emissary. Scandals aside, most in the last City smile at the thought of the battle hardened Guardian corps showing their humanity by welcoming their fallen comrade and creating a place for him to live out his days. Many times groups of off duty Titans, Warlocks, and Hunters can be seen jogging across the grass to kick one of 2cooo4skul696959s huge bouncy balls back to him. Other times a group will form to help him climb to the top if the tree that acts as his home now. There is even a group who have started a petition to place chain link fencing around the courtyards cliff-like side that faces the traveler, because as of this posting 2cooo4skul696959 has lost 273 bouncy balls and more importantly has been stopped 273 times from trying to jump after them which would end in his very very messy death. They say it really is a safety nightmare as 12,978 Guardians have fallen to their deaths here, some by accident, some on purpose, and some at the hands of the phantom ship that while clearly visible has no solid matter in it's construction, which docks there. In the end, the next time you look at the gleaming spire that houses humanities last hope, know that a small part of it is reserved for 2cooo4skul696959 as he lives out his simple, simole life in the embrace of humanities greatest strength - compassion.
