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11/23/2021 4:48:56 AM
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Weapons Test - Variable Annihilator Cannon

Chaos, Weapons Testing Site The surveillance room hummed to life at the flip of a switch. The testing team immediately got to work making sure everything was running properly. On a few of the display screens, several Zystul units can be seen moving and positioning several other Hardy units, outside the gravity of Chaos but within range of the weapon. Soon after the Zystuls finish moving the Hardys, they quickly change form and zoom offscreen. "All drones have left the site, ma'am," reports Setsuko, a more dedicated member of the engineering team. "OK, check the cannon, make sure something hasn't gone wrong," Emily, Chief Engineer, instructs. "Chief, it was just set up. What could've gone wrong?" questions Marid, a relaxed member of the engineering team. "Check it! We don't want to blow off the surface of Chaos, do we?" Emily snapped. She’s usually more laid back, but this time was different. Marid sighs. "The VAC is showing no abnormalities. Same with the connected PMEs. Putting it on the main screen," Marid reports. The largest screen in the center of the room lights up with the image of a large cannon, several meters long. The Variable Annihilator Cannon, a transformable weapon capable of taking the form of both a mass driver and particle cannon. It would allow any unit that carried it to destroy any opponent in any situation. Theoretically while in particle cannon mode it was the first weapon capable of firing anti-particles in actual combat. The first antimatter weapon. Seeing as how the weapon itself was made of normal matter, if the containment field failed… Emily was reminded of when she got the plans for the weapon from Ghroth. "We're making this one a reality next. A variable cannon which will be standardized after it has been proven in combat." Ghroth talked as though it was unequivocally necessary. "This fires anti-particles!?" Emily nearly yelled. "Of course. Our enemy vastly outnumbers us, and we can't rely on our allies. We must be able to deal with any possible situation, that includes enemy weapons with superior defenses, they will not lag behind us forever once our presence is known. This weapon guarantees that any defense will fail, and we must have at least a few." "But if there's even a single significant error, the weapon… no the entire unit would turn into mankind's most powerful bomb." "Then let’s make sure no error that great ever occurs." It took a day or two to finish it. The largest combat frame weapon in their arsenal. She did her best to improve the design’s safety but they were all small tweaks at best. Ghroth wanted the weapon tested, any further upgrades could not be made until we knew how the VAC acted in practice. "Double check the equipment, cannon, and PMEs after every test. Antimatter mode will be the last test," Emily orders. Marid groans, but relents. "Fine, chief." He trusted Ghroth too much, it wasn't omniscient. "Okay, transformation stress testing. Transform the cannon at full speed for the next ten minutes." "Yes, ma'am! Powering the first PME," Setsuko says, diligently following orders. "PME 1 is functioning normally," Marid says, laying back in his chair. "Beginning transformation sequence." On the screen the cannon began to rapidly change form every few seconds. The barrel would recede into the turret, only for 4 panels in a diagonal pattern to take its place. The gun shield would widen and then narrow again. The turret would change shape and expose different parts. After ten minutes, Marid quickly checked each part. "As expected, no problems chief. All damage is superficial. PME 1 is running just fine." Marid remarks. "Test 2, then. Change to Mass Driver mode, and fire an AP round at Target 1." As the team got to work, the cannon began to move until it was aimed at its target. A large round was visibly loaded into the turret. A second later the camera shook and dust flew off the ground as the cannon was fired. As the dust settled the main screen switched over to Target 1's camera footage. The round easily ripped through the Hardy, the force alone warping the armor of its two remaining halves. The top half then violently exploded, likely due to a breach in it’s PME. "The barrel has taken no damage, everything seems to be fine." Marid states. "Data received. The dummy pilot was turned into a fine mist after being directly hit." Setsuko announces. "OK, load incendiary rounds and aim at Target 2." Target 2 was another Hardy. This time upon contact with the round, the Hardy was engulfed in flame. The ammunition in it’s head, gun, and around the waist exploded after a few seconds. After a minute the dummy pilot began to melt thanks to the extreme heat, and in ten minutes the Hardy exploded, as the fire likely burned into the PME. Scattershot rounds were the last Mass Driver test. Target 3’s exposed joints and less armored areas were wrecked, leaving it crippled, but the scattershot failed to pierce any armor and the pilot and the PME remained untouched. "Chief, I think the cannon will hold up, not a single problem has come up so far," spouted Marid, clearly annoyed. "Shut up and do your job Marid, you know how dangerous it is," replied Emily. "Now, let's switch to particle cannon mode." As the VAC began targeting #4, it transformed. This form was the one with panels and a wider gun shield to accommodate them. The panels when powered would create a circular electromagnetic "barrel" which accelerated the free particles released into it towards the cannon’s target. "Creating particle acceleration field... generating free particles… injection into acceleration field in 3… 2… 1…" The screen grew bright white as the particle cannon fired. The light was filtered out just before Target 4 was hit. The beam tore through it much like the AP round tore through Target 1, but this time the beam did not have much kinetic force and thus didn’t warp the Hardy’s armor, instead it set off Target 4’s PME near instantly which proceeded to disintegrate the entire unit and pilot. "Final target and test, chief. I’m not seeing anything wrong." Marid casually claimed despite barely looking at his screen. "Are you sure? If so, Anti-Particle Cannon mode. Aim at Target 13." "Yeah, I'm sure, chief." "Powering up PME 2 and 3…" Setsuko talks through each step. "Switching PME 1 to containment field generation… opening containment field fins… anti-particle generation successful, preparing to inject…" "Wait! PME 1 is showing abnormal readings!" yelled a worried Marid, who had just noticed. "It’s too late to stop the anti-particles from being released, let's hope it holds." Setsuko says, a little worry creeping into her voice. "I thought you just said it was fine!" Emily yelled back. "Brace yourselves!" On screen, small fins extend from both sides on each panel. Red sparks arc randomly across them, indicating the reaction between the containment field and the anti-electromagnetic acceleration field. Finally, a bright red light flies out of the cannon, and just as it passes it rips the panels apart, as though the beam had significant mass. It flies towards the final Hardy just under the speed of light. Upon contact the entire combat frame is engulfed in a bright light, and a picosecond later it explodes creating a new star in the sky for a quick few seconds. "It seems the containment field just barely held." Setsuko says, just after breathing a sigh of relief. "Marid! What the -blam!- did I tell you?!" Emily screams. "H-Hey! I-I'm sorry…" Marid sputters in reply. "We could've died! What the hell-" "That's enough!" Ghroth appears on screen silencing Emily. "I was receiving the data, and there was nothing wrong until that moment. Marid did his job. It appears that we'll need to strengthen all the PMEs, and we can now create a failsafe. Setsuko, what happened to the target?" "I'm not sure, that explosion destroyed the surveillance equipment before it could finish sending the data." "Then I will check for myself, though I believe the weapon worked as intended. Good work. Clean up the testing site, and by the time you're done we'll work on the new improvements." A few hours later and there was no evidence that a test ever took place, except the dust displaced by the cannon. [spoiler]Just a preview into my mecha world. It's meant to get you asking questions. I'm paranoid there's something wrong but I've tripled checked and couldn't find anything. I think I might have a problem with past and present tense, but I couldn't think of a way to fix it so I think it's fine, and my sister (-blam!- it first) didn't notice anything wrong. I had some difficulty writing the dialogue in order to make it less confusing without making it repetitive. Originally, this was going to be a full test of the Annihilator's capabilities but that got way too long and boring. There might be unexplained one-offs in there left over from then, if I didn't catch them. You can probably tell through context, but just in case the Zystul and Hardy are Mecha. What do you think?[/spoiler]
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  • When describing the team running the tests, you gave us a brief note about all of their personalities. This felt really awkward, and out of place. It's better to let the reader figure out their personalities on their own, just by seeing them over the course of the story. There were a lot of terms we seemed to just be expected to know. I still don't know what they were firing at, what a PMC is, where Chaos is, etc. Perhaps this one won't be as big of a problem within the actual story, but in a one-off piece, we could've used a few more descriptions. Speaking of descriptions, I don't think we got a good enough description of any of the cannon's forms. I think it'd be best to describe them in detail before each fires, rather than rapid fire descriptions for us to be expected to remember later on. I think there was a flashback when they were discussing the weapon's anti-matter properties? Maybe? It was hard to tell. You should do something to separate the flashback from the main piece. Putting a horizontal line between the base story, and the flashback might be nice, though, to be completely honest the flashback kinda unnaturally cuts into the story. The engineering team feels a little unprofessional. If this is intentional it's fine, but they didn't feel like the type of people who would be put in charge of testing a probably top-secret military weapon. It also seems weird that they didn't sound like they knew what they were testing until just then (the character yelling "It fires anti-matter particles!?"), which seems strange. Shouldn't they know what kind of weapon they're testing [i]before[/i] they're testing it? And that's everything that stood out to me. Good luck on your writing!

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    • I will possibly maybe analyze this tomorrow for things the others missed, but I may forget.

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    • BOOM.

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    • Edited by CommonBlueberry: 11/23/2021 11:38:10 PM
      [quote][b]The planet[/b] Chaos, Weapons Testing Site The surveillance room hummed to life at the flip of a switch. The testing team immediately got to work making sure everything was running properly. On a few of the display screens, several Zystul units [b]moved and positioned[/b] several other Hardy units, [b]just[/b] outside the gravity of Chaos but within range of the weapon. Soon after the Zystuls [b]finished[/b] moving the Hardys, they quickly changed form and [b]zoomed[/b] offscreen. "All drones have left the site, ma'am," reports Setsuko, a [b]dedicated[/b] member of the engineering team. "OK, check the cannon, make sure something hasn't gone wrong," Emily, [b]the[/b] Chief Engineer, instructs. [spoiler]or "Chief Engineer Emily" would work here "Chief, it was just set up. What could've gone wrong?" questions Marid, a relaxed member of the engineering team. "Check it! We don't want to blow off the surface of Chaos, do we?" Emily snapped. She’s usually more laid back, but this time was different. Marid sighs. "The VAC is showing no abnormalities. Same with the connected PMEs. Putting it on the main screen," Marid reports. The largest screen in the center of the room lights up with the image of a large cannon, several meters long. The Variable Annihilator Cannon, a transformable weapon capable of [b]becoming[/b] both a mass driver and particle cannon. It would allow any unit that carried it to destroy any opponent in any situation. Theoretically[b],[/b] while in particle cannon mode[b],[/b] it was the first weapon capable of firing anti-particles [b]in combat.[/b] The first antimatter weapon. Seeing as how the weapon itself was made of normal matter, if the containment field failed… Emily [b]remembered[/b] when she got the plans for the weapon from Ghroth. "We're making this one a reality next. A variable cannon which will be standardized after it has been proven in combat." Ghroth [b]said, talking[/b] as though it was unequivocally necessary. "This fires anti-particles!?" Emily nearly yelled. "Of course. Our enemy vastly outnumbers us, and we can't rely on our allies. We must be able to deal with any possible situation[b];[/b] that includes enemy weapons with superior defenses[b]. T[/b]hey will not lag behind us forever once our presence is known. This weapon guarantees that any defense will fail, and we must have at least a few." "But if there's even a single significant error, the weapon… no, the entire unit would turn into mankind's most powerful bomb[b]![/b]" "Then let’s make sure no error that great ever occurs." It took a day or two to finish it. The largest combat frame weapon in their arsenal. She did her best to improve the design’s safety[b],[/b] but they were all small tweaks at best. Ghroth wanted the weapon tested, [b]and[/b] any further upgrades could not be made until [b]they[/b] knew how the VAC acted in practice. "Double check the equipment, cannon, and PMEs after every test. Antimatter mode will be the last test," Emily orders. Marid groans, but relents. "Fine, chief." [b]Emily thought[/b] he trusted Ghroth too much, it wasn't omniscient. [spoiler]this one is a maybe, depending on how heavy you want to go on Emily's viewpoint[/spoiler] "Okay, transformation stress testing. Transform the cannon at full speed for the next ten minutes." "Yes, ma'am! Powering the first PME," Setsuko says, diligently following orders. "PME 1 is functioning normally," Marid says, [b]lazily[/b] laying back in his chair. "Beginning transformation sequence." On the screen[b],[/b] the cannon began to rapidly change form every few seconds. The barrel [b]receded[/b] into the turret, only for 4 panels in a diagonal pattern to take its place. The gun shield [b]widened[/b] and then [b]narrowed[/b] again. The turret [b]changed[/b] shape and [b]exposed[/b] different parts. After ten minutes, Marid quickly checked each part. "As expected, no problems chief. All damage is superficial. PME 1 is running just fine." Marid remarks. "Test 2, then. Change to Mass Driver mode, and fire an AP round at Target 1." As the team got to work, the cannon [b]moved[/b] until it was aimed at its target. A large round was visibly loaded into the turret. A second later the camera shook and dust flew off the ground as the cannon was fired. As the dust settled the main screen switched over to Target 1's camera footage. The round easily ripped through the Hardy, the force alone warping the armor of its two remaining halves. The top half then violently exploded, likely due to a breach in it’s PME. "The barrel has taken no damage, everything seems to be fine." Marid states. "Data received. The dummy pilot was turned into a fine mist after being directly hit." Setsuko announces. "OK, load incendiary rounds and aim at Target 2." Target 2 was another Hardy. This time upon contact with the round, the Hardy was engulfed in flame. The ammunition in [b]its[/b] head, gun, and around the waist exploded after a few seconds. [b]A minute later,[/b] the dummy pilot began to melt thanks to the extreme heat, and in ten minutes the Hardy exploded, as the fire likely burned into the PME. Scattershot rounds were the last Mass Driver test. Target 3’s exposed joints and [b]weaker[/b] areas were wrecked, leaving it crippled, but the scattershot failed to pierce any armor and the pilot and the PME remained untouched. "Chief, I think the cannon will hold up, not a single problem has come up so far," spouted Marid, clearly annoyed. "Shut up and do your job Marid, you know how dangerous it is," replied Emily. "Now, let's switch to particle cannon mode." As the VAC began targeting #4, it transformed. This form [b]had[/b] panels and a wider gun shield to accommodate them. The panels[b],[/b] when powered[b],[/b] would create a circular electromagnetic "barrel" which accelerated the free particles released into it towards the cannon’s target. "Creating particle acceleration field... generating free particles… injection into acceleration field in 3… 2… 1…" The screen grew bright white as the particle cannon fired. The light [b]filtered[/b] out just before Target 4 was hit. The beam tore through it much like the AP round tore through Target 1, but this time the beam did not have much kinetic force and thus didn’t warp the Hardy’s armor, instead it set off Target 4’s PME near instantly which proceeded to disintegrate the entire unit and pilot. "Final target and test, chief. I’m not seeing anything wrong." Marid casually claimed[b],[/b] despite barely looking at his screen. "Are you sure? If so, Anti-Particle Cannon mode. Aim at Target 13." "Yeah, I'm sure, chief." "Powering up PME 2 and 3…" Setsuko talks through each step. "Switching PME 1 to containment field generation… opening containment field fins… anti-particle generation successful, preparing to inject…" "Wait! PME 1 is showing abnormal readings!" yelled a worried Marid, who had just noticed. "It’s too late to stop the anti-particles from being released, let's hope it holds." Setsuko says, a little worry creeping into her voice. "I thought you just said it was fine!" Emily yelled back. "Brace yourselves!" On screen, small fins [b]extended[/b] from both sides on each panel. Red sparks [b]arced[/b] randomly across them, indicating the reaction between the containment field and the anti-electromagnetic acceleration field. Finally, a bright red light [b]flew[/b] out of the cannon, and[b],[/b] just as it [b]passed,[/b] it [b]ripped[/b] the panels apart, as though the beam had significant mass. It [b]flew[/b] towards the final Hardy just under the speed of light. Upon contact[b],[/b] the entire combat frame [b]was[/b] engulfed in a bright light, and a picosecond later it [b]exploded,[/b] creating a new star in the sky for a quick few seconds. "It seems the containment field just barely held." Setsuko says, just after breathing a sigh of relief. "Marid! What the -blam!- did I tell you?!" Emily screams. "H-Hey! I-I'm sorry…" Marid sputters in reply. "We could've died! What the hell-" "That's enough!" Ghroth appears on screen[b],[/b] silencing Emily. "I was receiving the data, and there was nothing wrong until that moment. Marid did his job. It appears that we'll need to strengthen all the PMEs, and we can now create a failsafe. Setsuko, what happened to the target?" "I'm not sure, that explosion destroyed the surveillance equipment before it could finish sending the data." "Then I will check for myself, though I believe the weapon worked as intended. Good work. Clean up the testing site, and by the time you're done we'll work on the new improvements." A few hours later and there was no evidence that a test ever took place, except the dust displaced by the cannon.

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      • I’m going to bed right now, but if you could shoot me a reminder I can give it a look tomorrow after work, and see if I can pick out any issues.

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        • Bump

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