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5/25/2020 2:01:30 AM
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Great story, but the line "he felt air resistance as he tried to open the door" really irks me. The story as a whole reads lightheartedly, with the fire bit being the contrasted intensity, but this line has a totally different, sciency/official tone. I think there are many other ways you could describe this action that fit the tone of your story.
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  • I was trying to to structure the sentence and content to create a bit of unexpected, quizzical suspense. Something of a step-by-step reveal. -blam!- that sounds super analytical but I think you get what I’m tryna say.

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