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2/10/2018 9:08:02 AM
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Deadly Diseases Commonly Found in Destiny 2 Players
[b]UUI - Upper Uriel's Infection[/b]
this is a Fatal Disease, resulting in instant death from HCR (high Caliber rounds). HCR is not commonly found in the Destiny 2 Universe, but one is to avoid all contact with HCR, as it affects the Face, and general head area resulting in Death. Once you have HCR it instantly leads to UUI which causes Death. common Symptoms of UUI is Death. common causes is Death. commonly found in and around Death.
instantly....
[b]CIV - Colonial Invasive Virus[/b]
This Virus is contracted by coming into Direct or indirect contact with other Guardian's Colony. it is commonly found around Heavy Ammo Drops and you should be on the lookout for Team mates popcorning on the Horizon. common Symptons of CIV - is Severe Misdirection, absurd jumping and uncoordinated team running in every direction.
[b]CPSNS - or better known as Corner Peaking Sword Ninja Syndrome.[/b]
CPSNS kills more Guardians in PVP than a "eeuw gross" kills boners at an orgy. this fatal syndrome, affects the wielder of the Sword, in such a way, where once Heavy ammo is picked up, fits of rage ensue and it ultimately leads to the death of the other teams members. common Symptoms are the severe desire, to crouch and stand against a wall while peaking into the horizon, slowly moving backward and forward with excitement as you see the opponent approaching, and making "hoo haa, ahahaha" noises with your mouth as you rage on killing people. the only way to Kill CPSNS is by Cutting off the oxygen supply to the Wielder, by using HCR, resulting in UUI, resulting in Death.
[b]MMB - also known as Mida Multitool Bitchingitus[/b]
its a disease that kills in 5 short hits or less, and is extremely airborne. it can travel vast distances in an instant and can kill instantly. common symptoms are memory loss and loss of speech, our studies have shown the most common memory loss /speech loss is triggered by a hit from MMB, and it normally is identified by the following Verbal response "who the...what the? wait a mi....." then death.
[b]CBD or Sinsinitus (cluster bomb Death)[/b]
Sinsinitus a lethal strand you get from contracting Raidies. Raidies affects a vast amount of people, 6 at a time, that puts them in n comatose state for a couple of hours and results in loss of sleep, appetite, income, jobs... etc. Sinsinitus however, is a strand found in Raidies, that Kills more Guardians in one Go then a Fireteam on crack with a Colony full of CIV.
it does a lethal amount of damage to the skin and bruises the ego and KD in all cases. resulting in multiple Deaths per fireteam, common symptoms are -Popcorning Guardians, followed by a Thundering sound and a Light show that will give you arc eyes. once you see a guardian with Raidies, the chances of you getting Sinsinitus is more than likely. 4 out of every 4 people in control, are affected by Sinsinitus. the only way to kill Sinsinitus is with HCR which results in UUI which Results in Death.
English
#destiny2
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Edited by Konrad: 2/13/2018 6:58:00 PMGP - Gjallarhorn Phobia Description: recipients suffer extreme fear of the concept of the reintroduction of the Gjallarhorn, throwing toxic fits claiming it will disrupt the stale meta and dethrone the false rocket launcher king known as Wardcliff. There are only two cures for such a mental illness. Using a Gjallerhorn yourself or "git gud".
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7 RepliesBIS - boredom induced psychosis Description: A severe mental disorder in which thoughts and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality. Area of effect: Prolific in all content drought stricken areas and in higher concentrations in stagnant loot pools found in the said areas. Symptoms: 1)frequent shoulder charging or rocketing loot chest off cliffs before claiming rewards. 2)desire to end public events before heroic status can be triggered. Guardians may persist even through severe face punching from unaffected guardians. 3) Futile efforts to end content drought through the mass application of salt to content creators. Known cure: Experts are theorizing that BIS could be eradicated with combined injections of high quality content and loot. Small injections on a regular schedule could end this disease forever, for just dollars a day. In several efforts to date, Injections of recycled content and re-skinned loot have proven to be completely ineffective. A company named eververse claimedthat it could end BIS with injections of cosmetic loot only for just a few silver a day. Early trials (know as the dawning) amongst non silver-Savvy guardians ( or whales) where ineffective on the general population, which was induced into a rage. Eververse is currently under investigation for questionable trade practices resulting in more acute BIS across the general population.
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Edited by BL00DBEARD GR1M: 2/13/2018 9:50:27 AM[u][b]PVEncephalitis[/b][/u] [b]VTD - Vexually Teleported Disease.[/b] this Disease leads to severe outbreaks of Rage and Anger, and is dangerous to all guardians, and surrounding players / normal people in the vicinity of the guardian (in game or real world). the Severe fits of rage are caused by Intermitted exposure to any vex that randomly teleports anywhere (mostly behind you or out of your FOV), anytime and as soon as the initial trigger is pulled firing your last Rocket. Common symptoms are - bite marks on controller remotes, broken furniture, and [anonymous]_USER posts on Bungie forums, telling every how crap the CoO Expansion is. [b]FHT - Fookinhivethrallilitus[/b] That fatal yet brief virus leads to death almost instantly. incidents relating to death are normally accompanied by CBD or Sinsinitus being in direct or close proximity of FHT, with or without protection of a rift, dodge, or Barrier. explosive and unfavorable yet somewhat hilarious results are often questioned by doctors / guardians / team mates alike. the odd "hahaha -WTF" and the "FK Seriously" are the most common questions asked when expose to the deadly combination of FHT and CBD. Commonly found in holes, on titan and Savathuns Song, its best to keep your distance from this deadly virus. [b]RTVandalitus - Randalthevandalitus[/b] this Bacteria is found on the EDZ, and Found in close to out of bounds Water. the Bacteria can be easily identified by the crowd of guardians / team mates standing around it, watching one team mate trying to sample the bacteria with his bare hands. handling this bacteria with your bare hands often results in death, and should not be attempted. [b]FTHEUbolalitus - FK this Heroic Upbolalitus[/b] this parasite takes over a random guardians mind, and logical thoughts, and makes the host function on the most basic of instincts while inducing severe laughter in the host, and the need to consume copious amounts of Mountain dew and Doritos. this Parasite leads to more Heroic Event Deaths a year then Deaths by Heroic events. it can be commonly identified in Public events, shooting blights, killing Glimmer Captains, not shooting the Ship, trying to melee crystals on Mercury. there has been no cure found, and the death toll of Heroic Public events are increasing drastically. The Most Severe Ilness to date in the Destiny 2 Universe. i sadly have to address, [b]Ivedonetheraidamilliontimesalitus - or simply known as Bitchwhyyoulying disease.[/b] this is only found on LFG groups, that leads to ERAIDTILE Dysfunction, which leaves you frustrated, dispirited, frustrated, angry, frustrated, and constipated. BWYL Disease, commonly identifies itself in its host by convincing the host to start a party chat as follows - "yeah ive completed this on my warlock but not on my hunter, can you tell me what to do again here please", or "ive only done the callus checkpoint, never the (RAID ACTIVITY HERE)". these Guardians normally abandon the Game only to send you numerous messages apologizing. the only way to prevent this outbreak, is by sticking with people you know, once you are alone, and you have but 1 spot open, the chances of you getting a BWYL infected guardian is 99.9%. they normally swear at you, and have at least one testicle that hasn't dropped yet. around the ages of 12 - 15 and claims to have at least one uncle who works at bungie and they are best friends with Justin Bieber. on a first name basis. Beebs is my man.
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TGS is the worse... [spoiler]This Game Sucks[/spoiler]
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2 RepliesI know this is about D2 but just to throw in a D1 virus... Palinsyndrom (See also : Palindromism) A very sever case of mental dysphoria, were one actually thinks he can beat out this disease but these people are inevitably falling after one or two hits no matter how near or far you are to someone with Palindromism... Palindromism A disease that has claimed many lives in its short life span. Generally takes a day or two to set in then will cause the infected to have bursts of abnormally great strength, vision, and reflexes. Most people infected by Palindromism died in 2017 but some still linger around, from time to time you may run into these individuals.
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Edited by WulfPak666: 2/11/2018 5:40:43 PMAlso known in PvP as PAK: Power Ammo kleptomania. The immense desire to steal heavy ammo from any and all teammates regardless if said teammates need heavy for a basic PvP bounty. Thier entire existence in PvP is based souly on their ability to swoop in and nab heavy like their life depends on it. PAK sufferers will go out of their way to abandon thier teammates and all forms or engagement just to nab that heavy, usually for a Rocket launcher or Colony. A PAK sufferer will typically get little to no kills throughout the game and in fact 99% of their kills will come from heavy. Funny enough those who are infected with PAK also tend to have PBC. PBC or Peek-a-boo Camping is defined as such: the infected individual will show signs of gradschool mentality and hide from all forms of human interaction by hiding around corners, barriers and other forms of cover. They typically use scout rifles and only peek corners to tag others periodically so their KDR is buffed by assists. Sufferers of PBC also show signs of PAK and will typically set up a "safe zone" for their PBC, typically staying within 5-10 meters of the power ammo spawn
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[b]CADS[/b] or Chronic Antiope-D Dependency Syndrome. Symptoms include a unique habit of rolling on the ground, leaving the afflicted with a sense of invulnerability, often believing others can't see them, leading the afflicted to charge mindlessly into heaps enemy guardians. This disorder often results in habitual reloading and eye-twitches up and to the left, followed by compulsively crouching up and down between the tell-tale ground rolling symptom. [b]NADS[/b] or No Acrius Disability Syndrome. NADS sufferers often die repeatedly while crouching near power ammo locations, obsessively watching the timer and often violently attack teammates that approach their location. NADS sufferers also have a tendency to abandon a Crucible match if they do not obtain ammunition for the Legend of Acrius. This is especially common when the afflicted is playing the game poorly. If you think you may be suffering from NADS, the most common sign is a marked feeling of inadequacy without a loaded Acrius.
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1 Reply[b]TPG Syndrome[/b] or "Two Pulse Grenades Syndrome" Major Symptom: Once engaged in a gunfight, the infected will throw 2 grenades instead of engaging the enemy fairly.
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But did you use the Gjallarhorn? Make one for Destiny 1 players ;)
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Im very guilty of CPSNS, am I proud of it? No, but I like the hero moment when I get 3-4 consecutive kills with a sword.
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CPSNS is super contagious. I’ve caught it myself a few times. Most common side effects are out of character kill sprees and false confidence in crucible skill
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Well at least you tried, although I didn't laugh.
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You forgot the most fatal disease of them all: boredom
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None of these compares to what i have. That is all.
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Wheres last hope disease?
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What about BBSD (also known as Bungie Bullshit Disease)? This disease has infected the whole world of D2.
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A commonly accepted cure for all of the above is the prescription Activision, but due to high costs and a side-effects list that can cripple entire nations, alternate forms of treatment are recommended.
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IwillnevertouchaboobsoIwilltakemyangeroutonBungie-itis. Thank God they quarantine themselves here on the forums.
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8 RepliesI forgot.... a few honorable mentions. Diseases that ultimate leads to death, by Behavioral Changes. [b]KIAB (Karma-is-a-bitch-ingitus) or commonly known as Teabagifilus[/b] is the disease every guardian gets by surviving multiple encounters with HCR, UUI, CIV. this disease inflates the Ego, and results in a false sense of security, when this player kills an opponent his strand of KIAB takes over and he has the severe urge to teabag the defeated opponent. by slowly rubbing his scrotum over your dead corpse he will vulnerable to multiple onslaughts of HCR and UUI, resulting in mass confusion, and Death. [b]Brancer - or BDS (Brave Dancer Syndrome)[/b] is the life threatening disease that affects KD's around the world, this disease is the symptom of surviving UUI and MMB, and results in complete loss of fear for ones life, team mates, or statistics, and more often then not results in death by Multiple UUI. its common symptoms are - Running Towards bullets, missiles, danger, Swords, - the inability to distinguish friend from foe, thus running in for a handshake or greeting an opposite team member with a High five or a Dance. resulting in multiple UUI, followed by KIAB. [b]Scrubbellus - or CFD (Cannon Fodder Disease)[/b] this affects players who have the in game lifespan of a House a common house fly. this disease can be found in New Guardians, not returning Guardians, but guardians that were commonly in contact for long durations of time, with other games. such as TF2, COD etc. the common symptoms are - lack of eye hand coordination, inability to account for resources such as ammunition in a magazine during a firefight, and color blindness, - the inability to distinguish red from blue, and mentally linking the mission of the game to the gameplay mode. this disease leads to Death. always Death by any means. sometimes the death is self inflicted. in game, by your own gun.
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2 RepliesHere's another... PROMETHEAN FEVER - Causes the subject to run an acute and extremely severe fever. Exposure must be continuous to be effective, but if continuous exposure occurs, death rapidly follows. Body temperature spikes from 37*C to approximately 1700, resulting in death by spontaneous combustion. STATUS: Eradicated on 12-12-17 through aggressive application of N.E.R.F. vaccine.
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15 RepliesDDF - Deluded Destiny Fanboy The remaining people that still play this garbage. They log in every day to do the same boring activities and are still happy with the 2 Tokens and a Blue rewards. They still have high hopes for this game getting better, which stems from the frequent lies and promises contained in the weekly TWAB posts.
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4 Repliesyou left out one..... [b]SF or Scrubfluenza[/b] the inablity to take ones own lack of skiils into account when bitching about PvP. https://destinytracker.com/d2/profile/xbl/BL00DBEARD-GR1M ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Citation of existence.....
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BREAKING NEWS!!! News Reporter #1: “This is Eric Richman live from Tower News from our news station at the Dreadnaught, where we talk about political issues, problems within the city, and the daily lives of the guardians . Our inside reporters having noticed something very disturbing. We’ve received an alarming number of guardians leaving mid game in the crucible in utter embarrassment. Lord Shaxx, Overseer of the Crucible, is concerned over this. I’ll be switching over comms to our long time reporter, Matthew Richards, who’ll be discussing this newfound crisis. Matthew?” News Reporter #2: “Well thanks Eric. I’m right here watching a live match in the crucible with Lord Shaxx, here at Distant Shores. Luckily, I got here just in time after stopping by Louis’s Italian Pizza parlor for their Tour of Italy sampler ; A great place if you’re a sucker for Italian cuisine. Starving after an intense crucible match; wanna unwind and celebrate your triumph with your fireteam, come down to Louis! They’ve also got great sales through out the week. *Louis! Come get a taste of the Golden Age!*” “Ahh! It seems that the match has finally gotten underway. It looks likes like they’ll be playing Supremacy. Excuse me, Lord Shaxx. Could you give the media a scoop on what’s going on in the crucible?” Lord Shaxx: “I’ll be HAPPY to!!!! For years, ever since the walls of the city were built, I’ve had the Red jacks go out and secure locations to use as battle grounds for the guardians to test each other. The crucible is there for a reason and one reason only: TO TOUGHEN UP GUARDIANS TO EXPAND THE CITY OUTSIDE OF THESE WALLS ONE DAY!!!!!!! If they’re having disputes with each other; I gladly tell them to settle their meaningless skirmish in the crucible, with gun in hand. This past few months however have been quite ALARMING...... Mid game, guardians are dropping out within the first few minutes of the match. We can use the data tracked during matches to see guardians have a high death rate to certain weapons, in correlation to people quitting. This is certainly a problem; rather a disease. I dub this: WILLBREAKER’S DEMISE or WBD; when guardians are incapable of avoiding death; rather it be from UUI, CIV, or MMB, mixture of viruses in the atmosphere affect guardians from continuing the match. Common aliments such as LOMA’s fall (Lack Of Map Awareness). It burns my soul when an unsuspecting Titan is taken out by those Nightstalkers. Though I must admit, I admire there adaptability. But that’s not the POINT HERE!!!! HELL IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THESE WALLS; THE WALLS THAT HAVE KEPT US FROM EVER THINKING IF WE WERE TO DIE TOMORROW!!!!!!! This diseases has left our crucible matches wastelands; amateurs crippled, new guardians skeptical, all-star players fooled, they all need a driving motivator. I’ve pushed the Speaker to encourage guardians to come back to the crucible by rewarding meaningful loot. I want the guardians that strive to be the best and for those to become STRONGER; not just for the City, but for themselves! We need to establish a ranking system for the guardians to really get them going. It just Boils my blood to see a whole team drop out a match with 1-2 people left to fend for themselves against the hell they must endure. ITS A DAMN SHAME. If only I could motivate them personally (pulls out Raze Lighter), HOWEVER, it’s not in my power to jump in (laughs). It’s been so long since I’ve been in the fray. The Red War was only the start of it. I see, it appears the Mercy Protocol has been activated (Bravo Team-54 vs Alpha Team-25). Bravo Team did well; Alpha did the best they could, I suppose. I just wish that the crucible was in a better state like long ago.....” Matthew Richards: “It must be horrible to watch these games everyday; I believe that the virus is getting around much quicker than anticipated. It would be frightening if the people of the city could depend on humanities last defense.” Shaxx: “it would be a real shame. I’m sure Saladin would feel the same. The guardians have dealt with SIVA in the past, but this virus is MUCH different.” Matthew Richards: “Well hopefully in the future, there’s will be new reforms placed in the crucible to combat these pathogens that are making our guardians sick from the crucible. Thank you for your time Shaxx.” Lord Shaxxx: “It was my pleasure.” * 😔* Richards: “switching over to you Eric...” Eric Richman: “That’s one hell of a sickness there Matthew! I don’t think the humanity has ever seen anything like this before. This issue lies in the crucible affecting the morality of our guardians; sickening their minds and robbing them if there life. Is the gift from the light a gift or curse. Some believe it to be a second chance to start over and adapt. Guardians that have watched friends and loved ones die in front of them, long to be with them in the unmarked territory of death itself. We at Towers News can give guardians like you some tips to make sure you stay healthy in the crucible:” Use reasonable gun loadouts that cover most ranges on preferred maps Be on the lookout for highlight weapons of the crucible. Be willing to try different weapons, you never know what suits you best- you might even excel..... Don’t depend on one weapon for every engagement When death engulfs you, let your ghost revive you, and review what you just learned. Don’t be deterred by UUI, play around it. As the bullets fly past you, think of a plan in that split second to destroy your opponent. “That’s all the time we have for today. And thank you Matthew for assisting with the news coverage.” Matthew: “What can I say? It’s my job! And you’re welcome!” Eric Richman: “Tune in tomorrow at 7:30pm as we get to talk to Jarvis Portman, one Zavala’s lieutenants, who’ll give an interview in why fireteams completion of strikes declining.” “Until then, this is Eric Richman for the Tower News, your local coverage for the people of the city and our guardian’s concerns and achievements. A good night to all and may humanity live on!!!!”
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You sir, you win the internet for today!
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We playing plague inc now? I once named my Neurax Worm virus Donald Trump and gave it Transcendence.
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OMG! You made my day hahahahahahaha 😁😁😁😂😂😂😂
