'Twas the night before dawning, so I'll enter stage right,
To spread Christmas cheer, and bring joy for the night.
With presents to open, and some new things to find,
Will it all contain fun, or just more pointless grind?
The dawning is coming, and it's more of the same,
Pointless quest markers, and masks that are lame.
With lackluster vision, and idea's long since spent,
You can count yourself lucky, if this game you did rent.
There'll be snow at the tower, the farm, just the same,
But no-one's been there, since the finished campaign.
Snowballs and hockey, will make us all feel much better,
And dawning themed garbage, will be the new meta.
There's a new winter milestone, now won't that be grand?
Grind same boring strikes, for themed armour, so bland.
I'm sure there'll be reskins, and they'll sound so sincere,
When they give you your old stuff, and call it new gear.
Without sparrows to race, at this time of goodwill,
You can save lamentations, for a league of no skill.
There'll be no horn from Santa, that dream is dismantled,
'Cause bungie don't like fun, so racing's been cancelled.
The store is all prepped, and we know you're all keen,
So spend your bright dust, or throw money, at screen.
You can grind all you like, to earn all the best stuff,
Well really, you can't, 'cause we gave dupes a buff.
Just purchase more silver, right here at the store,
It will fund your free content, we've told you before.
But that new big expansion, you await with breath baited,
It will cost forty dollars, not free, as we'd stated.
The Vex make their plans, and our light they may smother,
With our dawning emotes, we just dance with each other.
Showing all our sweet moves, Vex retreat in confusion,
They don't know that our gear, is no more than illusion.
In emperors new clothes, we parade through the tower,
Cosmetic and shallow, they offer zero more power.
Show off to your friends, with your brand new old gun,
Shame when I squeeze the trigger, it don't fire no fun.
Let's kick off this quest, and visit Master Rahool,
We can run back and forth, like a blind and dumb fool.
From here we'll be asked, to go and talk to Cayde six,
And Bungie, once more, are using all their old tricks.
Backward and forward, swapping this thing for that,
Beam down to each planet, with cosmetic transmat.
They'll send you to Sloane, and then back to Banshee,
Traveling here back to there, counts as content you see.
Come covet new stock, Tess now has in her store,
For silver, for silver, you can have so much more.
Grind more of those engrams, In the hope of one drop,
But don't grind too hard, 'cause your xp they'll crop.
The dawning is here, but just please make it stop,
We don't want to spend, at your Eververse shop.
A more engaging event, is what we all hope to see,
With more story, more challenge, and all of it free.
Now it's time to depart, for my bad verse is ending,
I might see you all later, perhaps, if I'm trending.
Eyes up all you guardians, take heed of my warning,
It's one more cash grab, the event, called The Dawning.
English
#destiny2
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1 ReplyDuring the dawning can you dismantle mines, yeos?
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Ok, but can you do one that’s actually good? I’d prefer less salt this X-Mas cheer. Now piss off cry babies.
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7 RepliesIt's been three months. I don't get how you guys aren't tired of complaining yet.
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Brilliant! Wish the commentator from Pyre read this to me. 👌
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This is perfect
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1 ReplyNot this bollocks again.
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3 RepliesCouldn't help but notice your status. Are you the liaison between hell (bungee) or hell (forum)
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1 ReplyWell done
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3 RepliesI have to say that upon reading a few of your sick rhymes, you, my friend, have a masterful wit and a keen eye on the problems plaguing this once great game. I have also read the comments below and pity those fools who don't recognize satire when they see it. They truly must live sad humorless lives indeed. Don't let their negativity discourage you from spreading your talent and joy on this salt-encrusted forum. Btw, have you considered making a YouTube vid with you reading your rhymes from a book in front of a fireplace like those TV Christmas specials? That'd be extremely awesome!
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Perfect.
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2 RepliesEdited by ramthesocket: 12/18/2017 10:45:06 PMWhen doesn't a game company try to sell their product around Christmas? It's called business. At least the engrams are able to be earned at a good rate; games like overwatch want you to play 1.5 hours to 2 just to win a loot box which doesn't even give you a desirable item - you can earn 3 a week through arcade but then you earn hardly any XP. [spoiler]wasnt there one of these for Curse of Osiris?[/spoiler] Edit: I don't dislike these poems, they're pretty good.
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Only downside is that since you've already told us what all will be wrong with the Dawning (and I fear you're probably right), any sequel will be repetitive.
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1 ReplyI penned a couple more verses because I appreciate the work that you do! [quote]Twas the night before Dawning and no fu@ks were given, because we used them all up on the lies they were livin. We threw money at our screens for the last time in Fall, in the hopes that this franchise would somehow not stall. Eff you Luke Smith, and your little dog too (DeeJ). I hope that your stockings are chock full of poo. If you should find yourselves jobless in twenty eighteen, for that I would gladly throw money at my screen.[/quote] =D The End.
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3 RepliesPretend for a second i've never played a Destiny game around Christmas .... it's not a hard thing to pretend because i've never played a Destiny game around Christmas. What is a Dawning when it's trying to fleece my bank account?
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2 RepliesThis is like the third poem he has posted and this one is the best in my opinion
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2 RepliesI like that you do this.
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2 RepliesAnother masterpiece from the man himself. Well done.
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That was good
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1 Reply‘‘Twas the night before the Dawning, and no-one gave 2 fücks The End
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1 ReplyHey Bud, I had a real shitty day at work and this made me laugh. Happy Holidays bro. 😎👍
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2 RepliesWould have expected a mention to 3oC and no Faction Rally or Iron Banner. But still great.
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2 RepliesI hate these. :-| ...or do I!? :-D
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F the dawning How bout they fix the game
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1 ReplyAll true unfortunately... i DO believe that if a vast majority took a stand, not just in this game but gaming in general these days, and just stopped feeding the greedy bastards at the top then we could see a change in the gaming industry! None of this has to be so expensive and constantly bleed consumers dry. There are a huge amount of people at the top of games companies and publishers taking home sick amounts of money.. If everyone stopped buying things would change. Priblem is that will NEVER happen. Believe it.
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3 RepliesIt’s sad when a random guy on the forums has more creativity than the lead writer at bungie. Great poem by the way!
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A worthwhile concern... I hope you're wrong, but I don't think you are. I can only hope that most of the players are savvy enough not to throw real money at the screen. The stupid ones who are willing to do so are ruining gaming.