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Destiny

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Edited by RoseScythe: 1/22/2016 5:47:02 AM
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So.. Just raided with a squeaker.

Joined an LFG team for the Oryx CP. Nothing out of the ordinary upon joining the chat. Mature voices, everyone sounding pretty chilled. Always a good sign. Upon arriving in the arena, the host tells me we're just waiting for our relic runner, who went AFK right before I joined. He's a 311 Titan, but the host assured me he was a decent runner. We were running the 8 and 8 strat, and I was to take plate one. That's when I hear it. Distant, but still clearly audible. "[i]Mom! I'll do it after![/i]" The shrill, obnoxious voice grows in volume as the foul beast gets closer to its mic. "[i]No! I said I'll do it after![/i]". A loud scratching sound emanates through the chat as the squeaker's sticky fingers fumble with the headset. "[i]K guys, I'm back! My Mom said I gotta go soon! So we have to kill Owyx fast! K?[/i]". My hearts sinks, but I decide to stick it out. After clearing the initial adds, I notice our prepubescent 311 Titan browsing his inventory. Oryx slams the front left plate. "[i]K guys! I'm changing to the Twilight Gawwison! Just so I can get to the welic faster![/i]". I hear another fireteam member snicker. The squeaker and I leap to the first plate. "One's up". It jumps to the first interdimensional platform, activates the exotic chestpiece's evade, gets propelled clear over the boundary wall and falls screaming into the abyss.. *Guardian Down* "[i]OMG! What the hell! Someone got off their pwate![/i]" [b]RoseScythe has left the Fireteam[/b] Is edit: Just felt like sharing a tale with you fellow guardians. A tale of hard choices. Of paths taken. I hope you all enjoyed it. Cheers :) Knight is run.

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  • [quote]Joined an LFG team for the Oryx CP.[/quote] That was your first mistake. Your second was not hanging around to silently laugh at the kid with the other four guys.

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    • This was beautifully written, a good read, and very true of said squeakers. Bunch of slags those squeakers.

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    • Haha, I had this exact same thing happen to me 3-4 times when the raid got introduced! Everytime the relic runner missed his jump, "FFS, WHO THE EFF LEFT THEIR PLATFORM?! THE EFFING THINGS DISAPPEARED!" We alternated from platform duty to add control and everyone saw him jumping over platforms, blinking, jumping to the wrong platform. Hilarious that he kept blaming everyone else (even the guy on add control!!). He was in his 40's though, which made it much more acceptable than a teenager doing it. #satire (for the uninitiated)

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    • ^pedo

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      • Lol

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      • My kid is 9 and loves destiny. He totally kicks ass while doing crucible, way way better than I am. Outside of crucible tho he totally sucks. Doesnt understand the mechanics of pve at all.

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      • Edited by Baja Blast: 1/20/2016 8:39:41 PM
        We had a squeaker in our raid group last month. This poor, poor child.. He was 11 and was asking what to do about girls. My friend asks him about his problem and the kid said "A girl asked me out, I felt bad and said yes. But I don't like her at all." Now, we all had different words of wisdom for this kid. Some of us said to just break it off and my friend - the one who asked about the kids problem with girls-, decided to say "-blam!-, that bitch. Break it off and watch some Pr0n!" The party laughs and the kid breaks the silence with ".... What's Pr0n?" The party freaks out and we all yell at the kid to never search for it. Welp, the poor kid found out what Pr0n was. GG Destiny. *Edit: P-word for the younger viewers.

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        • This made me laugh. 👏

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        • Great read. 10/10

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        • Squeakers get me triggered

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        • Edited by Eclipse: 1/21/2016 5:56:38 AM
          I had a similar experience. My LFG post was "Oryx Hard, Please be experienced and know multiple roles." Somehow I got 3 kids in my fireteam. I was feeling in a good mood so I decided to keep them. Keep in mind it took about 10 minutes to get a group together. We start Oryx and I see one of the kids going through their menu. They die. Whatever, everyone grabs ammo and wipes. 2nd attempt. Kid is going through his menu again and then dies. He says, "I'm trying to find my Malice." Whatever. 3rd attempt. We're gonna tether the thrall now since someone has their super built up. Kid says, "I'll draw them to the center." He stands right next to a group of distant thrall and dies as they smack him to death. The kid says, "Sorry, I thought you were gonna tether them!" Then another squeaker joins the party chat and in a high pitch voice says, "Are you doing Hard raid?!? I'm so jealous!!!" Then the kid who's on our fireteam that keeps dying says, "Take my spot, I don't feel like doing this anymore." And he leaves. The fireteam disbands. Completely wasted 20 minutes of everyone's time, for what?? After that...I have decided that I will never party up with kids again. Ever. From now on every LFG post will include "NO KIDS". I encourage everyone else to do the same.

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          • Personally, I'm not a fan of bait, but your bait is just classic, thanks for the read and keep doing what you're doing!

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            • Great read bro!

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              • Squeaker=aggro

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              • Before reading this let me guess..... Oryx still lived.

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                • I'm dead lol😂

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                • Please tell me this is stereotypical...

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                  • Edited by fancykarlmarx: 1/21/2016 4:48:00 AM
                    Lol you called him "it"

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                    • I raid with a few friends. One of them lets his son who is 11 play and he is probably the coolest 11 year old I've met. He is pretty decent at both PvE and PvP

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                    • May god have mercy on your soul

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                    • was this individual related to/ is DPJ?

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                      • I've seen non squeakers who suck and squeakers that are good. Also the other way around.

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                        • Bump

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                        • Lmao!!! This was [i]-blam!-ing[/i] awesomeness loll lol!!!!!!! Haha!!!

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                        • I'm all for helping a squeaker. Until they scream in my god damn ear. Or attempt at childish humour that no one finds funny then they repeat it and giggle. Other than that. I'll take a squeaker who can do what needs to be done vs many of the mature players. Some are so dumb it's hilarious.

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                        • Twilight Garrison for the platforms?

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