Hitler, Hitler, I've been thinking What in the world have you been drinking? Smells like whiskey, tastes like wine Oh my gosh, it's iodine What is blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing with a plastic bag. What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor. Why did the dead baby cross the road? It was chained to a bumper. What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth. What is worse than finding 7 dead babies in a trash can? 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans. What is sicker than driving over a baby? Skidding. What is brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole. What is red and goes round and round? A baby in a garbage disposal. What is red and dances all around? A baby on a barbecue. What is harder than nailing a baby to a tree? Nailing it to a puppy. How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with a lawn mower. When in my lonely grave I sleep, And the willow over me weeps, Tis then dear friend and not before, That I will think of you no more. What do orphans get at Christmas? Lonely A friend of mine got the "orphan of the year" award. I told him: "Your parents must be proud." How do you make orphans hands bleed? Tell him to clap his hands until Daddy comes home. Any bag of M&M's is family size when you are an orphan. I like to fart when I am walking past homeless orphans on the street, so they get a chance to sniff what hot food smells like. Why do orphans regularly go to church? It is the only place they can call someone "Father." The bright side of the death of an orphan is that there is no one around to miss them. Why do orphan enjoy playing tennis so much? It it the only time they get love. What is the difference betwween Adolf Hitler and Michael Phelps? Phelps can finish a race. You can say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow around schools and playgrounds. What is white at the top and black at the bottom? Society. What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country. What is the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet. Is it all black people that have a problem with slavery? Or is it just mine? Why do Jews have big noses? Air is free. Why do black people not go on cruises? They are not falling for that one again. How do you starve a black man? Hide his food stamps under his work boots. How do fit four gays on a bar stool? Flip it over. A priest, pedophile, and rapist walks in a bar, he orders a drink. A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. "Have you any last requests?" Asked the chaplain. "Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?" What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear? White vans. Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner? He got the cold shoulder. What is the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine? Thomas made it through the tunnel. What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog. What does a cannibal have in his freezer? A pound of ground Chuck. What do you call 1000 Jews on a train? Whatever you want, they are not coming back. Roses are red, Violets are blue, There's gas in your shower, Because you're a Jew. Hitler was inspecting one of his camps when he meets a little girl. He asks the little girl how old she is and she says, "I'm turning 10 tomorrow." And Hitler says, "No, you're not." I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people. If the army dress in camouflage to blend in with woodland, does that mean police dress in black to blend in with criminals? How do you find a black man? Guilty. Christmas tree lights are like black people. They never work, they are all chained together, and we hang them from trees. Holocaust jokes are terrible. Anne Frankly I will not stand for it. I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof. Why is there no black character in the game "Clue?" Because then it would be called "Solved." How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy. How do you pick up chicks at Auschwitz? With a dustpan. Can we stop making fun of black people please? There are black people in my family tree, and they are still hanging there. Why do black people smell bad? So that blind people can hate them too. Why is there that little piece of cotton at the top of pill bottles? To remind black people that they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers. Why is a black man's eye always red after sex? From the mace. What do you call an Asian with one leg? Tie Won Shoo What is the point of Jewish football? To get the quarterback. Where do Jews with ADD go? Concentration camps. Why are Jews so good at math? They have the answers on their arms. What is black and dangerous to cut through? The line at KFC. What is the worst part about running 100 meters in under 10 seconds? Being black. Why don't you ask a Jew for their opinion? Because they would never share their two cents. What is long and black? An unemployment line. How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Cut the rope. Why don't black kids play in sand boxes? Because cats keep kicking sand on them. Why do Asians squint? Atomic bombs are bright. What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult. What is the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out. I was reading in the paper today about a midget who got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low? What do you get when you cross a black guy with an octopus? I don't know, but it sure could pick a lot of cotton. Why do black people have white palms? There is a little good in everyone. Why are asprins white? Because they work! Why shouldn't white people go swimming? Because crackers get soggy when wet. Why do white people own so many pets? Because they're not allowed to own people anymore. What do you call a bunch of black guys sitting on a bench? Court. People are like crayons, no one likes the white ones. What do you call a white guy with five black friends? Coach. What do you call it when a white man steals a colored man's land? Tradition. Most racist white joke? Capitalism. What's the difference between a ton of coal and a thousand Jews? Jews burn longer. Two Jewish children are sitting on top of a roof near a chimney. A passer-by asks, "what are you two doing up there?" The children reply, "Waiting for our parents." Why didn't Anne Frank finish her diary? She needed more concentration. How do you find all the Jews in your neighborhood? Roll a penny down the road. At least Hitler saved the History channel. How come there are no black people in the Jetsons? Edit: we're trending Edit: started putting floodian jokes in ProGAMERRAIDER- what's a Mexicans favorite game? Borderlands OddBallWolf-last time the bass dropped that hard, Japan surrendered Vinyl Scratch- what do you call a Mexican with a broken lawn mower? Unemployed TheKillJoy- why are there more black people during winter? They're easier to see