"NO THIS IS PATRICK!" "Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it, and we freeze it." "Jenkins morgue, you stab e'm, we slab e'm, this is eight ball speaking."

This world is screwed, cant we change the law to smack kids? I swear there are times some people want to smack kids like that till they cant feel pain anymore for a while

Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, "Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you." Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel! And there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of man! Talos is the true god of man! Ascended from flesh, to rule the realm of spirit! The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth! Today, they take away your faith. But what of tomorrow? Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives? And what does the Empire do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor! Against its own people! So rise up! Rise up, children of the Empire! Rise up, Stormcloaks! Embrace the word of mighty Talos, he who is both man and Divine! For we are the children of man! And we shall inherit both the heavens and the earth! And we, not the Elves or their toadies, will rule Skyrim! Forever! Terrible and powerful Talos! We, your unworthy servants, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment! And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Talos, not as god, but as man! Trust in me, Whiterun! Trust in the words of Heimskr! For I am the chosen of Talos! I alone have been anointed by the Ninth to spread his holy word!

Break out the AAAARRRRNNNOOOOOLLLLD sound boards man; Nothing like callin a pizza place only to hear; "Who is your daddy an what does he do?" in govinators voice followed by; "GET THE F**** DOOOUUUUWWWWN" or sumthin like that

Hm. I always wondered, do you know if there is any way for me to ask them to make my pizza crunchier?

"Call domino" employee picks up. Employee: hi this is domino how may i help you? Me: i wanna make a order!! Employee: yes sir what would you like? Me: i want everything on the menu Employee: sir "ha" umm.. you sure thats it? Me: i got the money in my hand right now im throwing it at the screen. Employee: sir this is a joke right? Me: no.. i want everything!! Employee: ok sir let me get my manager for this order. Me; seriously.. wtf i ask for one easy order now this. Manager: sir let me get this correct you want everything on the menu. Me: yes i got a party going wait do you deliver? Manager: -_- yes sir we do. Me: how long will that take can i talk to the employee. Manager: sure hey you.. come here Employee: yes sir Me: you got the order right? Employee: yes sir we do where do you live. Me: where do i live... close in your area. Employee: haha what? Me: yea right behind that auto parts store to your right. Employee: ok sir will have it deliver in a 1 hour and 10 minutes. Me: ok " hangs up" 1 hour 10 minutes later Me: call domino phone picks up. Employee: hello? Me hey where my delivery? Employee: sir we have it being delivered. Me: ok. Employee: sir we got a call from our delivery we seem to have gotten the wrong house. You sure thats your? Me: of course it is Employee: you sure? Me: yes Employee: sir where you from? Me: ohio you? Employee: OHIO!! SIR YOU LIVE IN OHIO. ME: YES YES I DO employee: shake his head ooooh my god why. Sir i think you called the wrong place. Me: wait really hold up are you that guy with that hat and lives on my road. Employee: sir uuuh no im not. Me: well.. shit!! Um im sorry tell you what read me the total and ill send the money by mail. Employee: ..... sir goodbye Me: wait wait "phone hangs up" worth it :)

You're a god

I used to work at Little Caesars back when they delivered and we would get blazed out of our minds and go deliver the pizza's. Usually would have some crazy calls from customers by the time we got back. No one ever called the popo on us though.

Bump

Oh man if this is true , 8/8 m80 m8