so NERV wants 3rd impact to cure the human disease and my lame ass dad is trying to revive his bullshit dream and i'm caught in the middle with a penguin and redhead and a milf that drinks too much and i think i'd rather be dead but before i depart, let me impart some knowledge because i've seen all this shit and i ain't even hit college if you want to live a quiet life and hold onto your balls the only thing you have to do is never answer when your dad calls ever since then, i've been too -blam!-ed up to think i got so many problems and i'm not even old enough to drink but no one understands the kind of shit that i go through like jacking off to comatose girls in hospital rooms oh yeah, and there's also this thing i have to do on wednesdays where i save the earth from crazy -blam!-ing angels from outer space and redeem humankind and let everyone decide what they want to be and all i get is "congratulations"? are you -blam!-ing kidding me? i'm so sick of everyone talkin to me like i'm a kid i lost my mom when i was 2 and turned out better than asuka did even so my life just keeps tumbling down and tumbling down and i seem to be the only one that can pilot this eva now oh and i just found out this -blam!-ing robot is my mother and i'm the only one that can drive it because of the link we have with each other and it's all so -blam!-ed up i just wanted to jet out of this place and i would have except i became a god of time and space and my dad just died trying to bring my mom back i've got a happy family after all, how sweet is that? but i'd still like to say a few words i've written down to this -blam!-head who obviously doesn't want me around let me compose myself here at the end of the world surrounded by tang, rei's giant head, and this -blam!-ing turd that i just tried to strangle because like i said, i'm -blam!-ed up but she's -blam!-ed up too, so i guess that's good enough all i ever wanted for myself was a normal life just fallin asleep alone with my headphones in every night i never asked to be pulled into this shit, you had to -blam!- with me and call me out of nowhere and tell me to be what i didn't want to be and then when i was hesitant you had to be a prick and tell me to go home, you didn't need me, you -blam!-in dick but i got in that -blam!-in robot and i rolled over your plan look at me now dad, your little pussy's grown into a man not only that, i got a -blam!-in harem of my own even if one of them's 30, one's a bitch, and one's a clone and they all choose my dick over 3rd impact, your plan bombed guess you should have been a better dad and not sacrificed mom you should have seen how this would end when that first angel fell you deserved to lose, i hope kaworu butt-blam!-s you in hell but don't fret, i'll be chillin in a sea of orange sizzurp with this hot ass bitch and a vacation much deserved