Hitler: "Who are you?" Me: "I? I am a monument to all of your sins." *pulls trigger*

There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." Now... I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a mother-blam!-er before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Hitler. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

"Never come back to Gotham" Plus 1 to anybody who gets this reference

I'm from the future and after decades of anti-German propaganda coming from our largely Jewish-run media, most of the world is convinced that you are the most evil man ever to have existed. We have these great movies depicting Germans as evil, like Schindler's List, Indiana Jones, Band of Brothers, etc. I know you aren't familiar with them but they're all directed by a guy named SpielBERG. Sorry... You know those rumors spread about the bars of soap and human corpse factories from the Great War? Yeah... They say you did that to the Jews as well as making them into lampshades and people actually believe it. And you know all of those old Jewish newspaper articles about six million Jews being persecuted in various 'holocausts'? Repeating it like a mantra? Yeah, they say it once again and it sticks this time. [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dda-0Q_XUhk[/url] A lot of Jews do end up dying in your camps but when the allies cut off your supply routes, typhus and starvation is inevitable. The European Red Cross estimates under 300,000 dead, but they manage to convince the world that you had a plan to rid the planet of the Jews - even though there's no documentation confirming this. Even though you were offering them free transportation to a new homeland in Palestine well before the war. Actually, the European census states that from the mid thirties till after the war, Europe's Jewish population goes from 8 to 9 million. It doesn't decrease six million but no one ever bothers to research this. In fact, it's illegal in most countries to do so. And you know how the international Jewry declared war on Germany publicly in 1933, and crippled your economy further with boycotts? Yeah... No one ever learns about that. They don't learn about the Dresden bombing where almost a million innocent Germans are killed needlessly, or the hundreds of thousands of German women who are -blam!- by Russian soldiers at the orders of Russia's Jewish propaganda minister, or of America's own camps in Germany where at least a million Germans die. You know how the Bolsheviks over the last few years have murdered upwards of fifty million ethnic Russians through the Red Terror, Gulags, and the Holodomor? Yeah... They never learn about that. And you know how the Bolsheviks were pretty much a tribal, Jewish political party, consisting of around 80% Jews? Yeah... People actually believe that is a hoax in the future even though Trotsky, Marx, Lenin partially, Bela Kun, and other big names were all Jews. Sorry man, history is written by the victor and because of this overwhelmingly Jewish future media bias, I have been sent here to kill you. Hitler: "Ich verstehe nicht . Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"

I'm saving you. Chuck Norris is Jewish

"With this sacrament of blood we journey into the divine beyond."

Me: Hey hitler.. *hitler turns around* *flicks booger in his eye* *hitler falls to the floor, writhing in pain* *pulls out 45. Walks menacing towards him* *whips open the cylinder and removes 5 rounds* *spins cinder like a god damned cowboy* Me: Now I'm gonna ask you one time. WHAT ARE THE ACCESS CODES Hitler: *speaks german* Me: GOD DAMN YOU! *shoots in knee* Hitler: AAAAAAAAAH!!! I speak English!! The codes are 6-2-6.. *sheds single tear* Me: BULLSHIT!! That's Stitch you son of a bitch! If you gonna lie to me, I'll end RIGHF NOW! YOU HERE ME!? Hitler: yes! Yes I hear you! I understand. Fine! You've beaten me. *hangs head in shame* 3-4-5-8 that's it. ~in a defeated voice~ you can't kill me, you know. Me: what the fúck are you saying? SPEAK UP!! Hitler: You can't kill what's already dead. ~sly smile~ *pulls pin on a hand grenade* now drop your weapon. Me: *drops pistol* you've beaten me, Adolf. Hitler: no I haven't. What are you planning? I know you won't give up that easy. Me: I've got no aces in these sleeves, my old... friend. Hitler: ~flashbacks to childhood friendships with me~ you were never one to cheat, old pal. Me: why don't we make this interesting? I put down my weapon, now put down yours. Hitler: if you want to drag out your agony.. *throws grenade* ~BOOM!~ no skin off my ass. Me: *takes wicked awesome karate pose* saddle up partner. Hitler: wait. *takes out a hidden boot knife* I want this to be fair. *tosses knife aside* now.. *takes Krav Maga stance* LETS END THIS! Me: ah.. Jew karate. That's cool. I kind of got a catholic thing going on. A fist of God type situation. *assumes stance* Hitler: wait! JEW!! DID YOU JUST SAY JEW KARATE!!?? Me: yea.. It's an Israeli martial art.. The birthplace of the Jews.. Hitler: I've been studying Krav Maga all my life.. And all this time I've hated the Jews.. Me: maybe they're not that bad after all, eh pal? Hitler: you know what? You're right. I'm tired of this war. I'm gonna undo what I've done. Me: and I'm gonna be right there with you. Hitler: *looks up* ~smiles~ I guess you will.. Old friend *begins to cry* Me: *starts tearing up* get up you old fart. We have some Jews to save. *extends arm* Hitler: *brother love clasp* yea. How bout it?..... Brother? *me and hitler walk away together laughing and joking about the old times*

And so, you must be silenced

Got milk?