Being a jerk....and setting ***boundaries*** in the face of a kid's inappropriate behavior are NOT the same thing. The OP is asking for us to NURTURE these kids and to see that they learn (in non-painful ways) from the experreince. Sorry, that's NOT my job. ...and sometimes PAIN (that is a natural consequence of our bad behavior) is the most effective teacher. Twenty-five years ago, one of my bosses dealt me some "tough love" when I showed up late for an activity that I was supposed to be doing. I had a legitimate reason to be late----another supervisor that I was answerable to pulled me aside and insisted I do something for him. He insisted despite my telling him that I was scheduled to be somewhere else, doing something else...and that he was going to make me late. I showed up 30 minutes late, expecting that my explanation of where I was and what I was doing after the fact would be sufficient. It wasnt'. He was so angry that he met me at the DOOR, and kicked me out. He said, "I dont' care what you were doing, or why you were doing it. THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE, YOU'D BETTER HAVE THE COURTESY TO CALL AND TELL ME." ...and he was right. In the haze of fatigue, sleep deprivation, and the stress of trying to juggle too many tasks, I hadn't thought to call him. Getting kicked out was painful. It was embarrassing. But he taught me a necessary lesson in PROFESSIONALISM. Taught it to me in a way that broke through my fog of fatigue and self-absorption and landed with a loud enough THUD so that I remember it 25 years later. Just because something HURTS, doesn't mean that it HARMS. He wasn't being a jerk to me. I had done something (inadvertently) that was unprofessional, and he called me on it...and his unwillingness to let me get away with it made me better. I saw that---even though the lesson was delivered in a way that didn't FEEL very good at the time. That is why so many of these kids behave the way that the do, and don't seem to recognize or honor any sorts of limits. They've been raised by people who assume that everything that hurts is harmful...so the kids fail to really learn that certain things are simply unacceptable ways to behaive....because there are no negative consequences (that matter to them) for doing them. So they don't stop them.

[quote]You share a good message, but it often doesn't run parallel to how the real world works.[/quote] Yes!☝

No, but outlining the issue (especially considreing this is a forum where people complain about how toxic the community is) is a great way to start the conversation, and to begin any change that might take place. I don't think we should coddle these kids. Nobody has to be a parent here. It's really just about telling adults who take on the responsibility of having kids in their fireteams that they should be behaving with some maturity where someone who doesn't know any better is involved. If you've seen SovietWomble's video in Arma 3 where a kid joins their game (like 7 or 8 I think) I think Soviet does an INCREDIBLY admirable job of telling the kid he should be playing somewhere else. It's a bit sad that the kid has no other friends, but Soviet handles it responsibly.