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2/5/2017 8:34:54 PM
22
WARNING OLD JOKE
What if everything you ever wanted...
WAS TO KICK SHIT IN THE FACE!? FOREVER!
THEN YOU NEED PEREGRINE GREAVES!!!
PUT THESE SWEET-ASS LEGS ON YOUR TITAN AND YOU WILL F***ING DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL KNEES. THEY AREGEMS. YOU WILL LOOKGLAMOROUS LIKE A STYLISH LADY WHILE YOU KNEE SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO FLYING OUT OF THEIR ASSHOLE! YOUR LEGS AREBEDAZZLED! BEDAZZLED WITH THE STRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS IF KODIAK BEARS GAVE ZERO F***S ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO SWEET JUMPKICKS!
YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE AND THAT CHILD WILL F***ING EXPLODE BECAUSEYOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH! YOUR SON WILL DIE!YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY!
YOU WILL TAKE PEREGRINE GREAVES INTO THE CRUCIBLE AND YOU WILLMASSACRE PEOPLE! YOU WILL F*** THEM UP!
YOU WILL KNEE BLADEDANCERS! DENIED! GET THAT BUTTERKNIFE THE F*** OUT OF HERE!
YOU WILL KNEE RADIANT WARLOCKS AND CAUSE THEM TO WEEP RADIANT TEARS!
YOU WILL KNEE GOLDEN GUNSLINGERS...CAREFULLY....
YOU WILL KNEE OTHER TITANS IN THEIR BUBBLES, DIVING INTO THEIR NEON DISCO DANCE PARTIES BLIND AS SHIT AND MURDERINGTHEM WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS! IT IS YOUR BUBBLE NOW SO FU*** THAT GU---wait, shit...THE BUBBLE IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU GODDAMMIT WHY THE F*** DID YOU DO THAT!?
YOU WILL RUIN YOUR K/DLIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE SWEET, SWEET SOUND OFINSTANT AIRBORNE DEATH! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANYSHOTGUN BLASTS TO THE FACE AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU KNOCK A BLADEDANCER THE F*** OUTBEFORE HE CAN CHOP UP YOUR TEAM! EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATEDAS YOUR LEG COLLIDES WITH A FIERY WARLOCK'S FAGGYGOAT HAT SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED AND HIS FAMILYFIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS TO TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OFTEXAAAAAAS!
PEREGRINEGREEAAAAAAAAAAVES!!!
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1 ReplySo this is e post to go to and repost if your feeling lonely and want some notifications? Mmmmmmkkkay......I say let it go, but that's just my opinion. It was a 3 on a scale of 1-10 in funniness to begin with. But whatever floats your boat
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14 RepliesSWIGGITY ∧_∧ ( ･∀･) ⊂ ⊂ ) ( ( ( (_(＿) Swooty ∧_∧ ( ･∀･) ( Ｕ つ ) ) ) (＿)_) I'm ∧_∧ （ ･∀･) ⊂_へ つ (＿)｜ 彡 (＿) Coming ∧_∧ (･_･)っ (っ / Lﾉ┘ For that ∧___∧ ⊂(・＿・ ) ヽ ⊂二/ (⌒) / Booty! ／ ＼ | ● ● | ＼ _ (•_•) <) )╯ When you're ready / \ ( •_•) <( (> Come and get it / \ (•_•) ~( )~ NA NA NA NA / \" (•_•) <) )- if you dont like / \ (•_•) /( (> the jellyhorn / \ (•_•)/ <) ) then gtfo / \ \(•_•) ( . (> your leaving? / \ (•_•) <) . )/ well / \ \(•_•) ( . (> then / \ (•_•) <) . )> bye / \ \(•_•) ( . (> so I'm like / \ (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ FLIP THAT TABLE. ┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ) FLIP THIS TABLE. ┻━┻ ︵ ＼(`0`)/／ ︵ ┻━┻ FLIP ALL THE TABLES ಠ_ಠ Child. . . ಠ_ಠ Put. ಠ__ಠ The tables. ಠ___ಠ Back. (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NEVER (•_•) <) )╯because I'm / \ ⊂_ヽ ＼＼ ＿ ＼( •_•) F < ⌒ヽ A / へ＼ B / / ＼＼ U ﾚ ノ ヽ_つ L / / O / /| U ( (ヽ S | |、＼ | 丿 ＼ ⌒) | | ) / `ノ ) Lﾉ (_／/
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10 RepliesWe were doing Kings Fall Hard Mode. We, being level 310's, blew through the raid. We were in a time crunch. Only 2 hours to complete it and XxboyXxkillaXxx had wasted 45 minutes on the jumping puzzle. We blew through Warpriest and Gogoroth. 30 minutes. Once again XxboyXxkillaXxx refused to switch from blink and wasted 20 minutes on the second jumping puzzle. We destroy the sisters in 5 minutes, the 6 of us pumping into Oyrx's Daughters. We have 20 minutes to kill Oyrx. We wipe twice, both times because of XxboyXxkillaXxx refusing to kill the ogres, claiming he is a pacifist. 10 minutes left. We do considerable damage to Oyrx in the first 3 rounds considering XxboyXxkillaXxx jumped off the side in the beginning shouting random Bill Nye quotes. Fourth round. I grab the relic easily. One guy dies by jumping into the ship. Another from the Vessel. 3 people left. We stagger Oyrx, but they don't make it to the blights. It is just me. I do barely just enough damage to Oyrx to bring him to the front. I accidentally reload my ToM, and run out of bullets killing an Aycolyte. I don't have time to use a primary synth. I put my last 3 sniper shots into Oyrx but it isn't enough. I can't use my sword. I am doomed. Oyrx chuckles. Ready to end my life. BUT WHAT IS THIS?! IN THE BOTTOM CORNER OF THE SCREEN! *Shesmynerd has joined the fireteam*. I see him rise above Oyrx. Cast in a veil of light. "Feel my wrath! For my name is Shesmyne... HE SHOT ME THROUGH A WALL!" *Guardian Down" Crap. Oyrx chuckles again. Tbaggs Shesmynerd and messages him, "Git gud skrub". BUT WHAT IS THIS! HOPE! *Smoggypluto has joined the fireteam* I hear the thud of a Sunbreaker super being used. He appears in a silhouette of light. The light slowly dies away and I see him. Smoggypluto. "I am not worthy", I cry. He looks at Oyrx. He opens his mouth but Morgan Freeman's voice comes out. "This is my swamp". He lifts up his Y10 Gjallihorn and kills Oyrx in one shot, while simultaneously Tbagging Shesmynerd's ghost. We all get our rewards. All 330 Light, except for XxboyXxkillaXxx, he gets shards. I didn't see mine. I sniffle and ask Smoggy what I got. "Check you're inventory." I completely missed Smoggy's misspelling of "your". I inspect myself and ghasp. Primary equiped: Y2 Thorn. Pre nerf. Chestpiece: Twilight Garrison. Secondary: Better Than Yours, exotic sniper. Heavy. I choke back tears. I must be strong for Smoggy. His Y10 Gjallahorn. Signed by Bill Nye, the Science guy. "Smoggy is love. Smoggy is life." I stammer. He hops on Xylar, The Timeless. "Black Ops 3 is going to kill Destiny", XxboyXxkillaXxx remarks. "Shut up Meg", Smoggy says. He winks at me and flies away to help others in need. "Smoggy is love. Smoggy is life." I repeat. The sound of Shesmynerd crying faintly in the background.
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Unoriginal Joke, -10 interwebs good sir!
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I read this whole thing hearing myself screaming.
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Why can't I read the 2 first sentences without hearing myself screaming the second one?
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I chuckle every time I see this
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[quote] YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE AND THAT CHILD WILL F***ING EXPLODE BECAUSEYOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH![/quote] This part makes me chuckle every time
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Omfg I laughed so hard
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DESTINY GAME JA
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1 ReplyI saw this coming a mile away XD
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8 RepliesGOD SAMNIT I CANT ESCAPE THIS
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1 ReplyHmm wonder what Xur will bring this Friday
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2 RepliesLol whats sad is that you have never played crucible on your titan.
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I remember reading this a long time ago, memories
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Swiggity ∧_∧ ( ･∀･) ⊂ ⊂ ) ( ( ( (_(＿) Swooty ∧_∧ ( ･∀･) ( Ｕ つ ) ) ) (＿)_) I'm ∧_∧ （ ･∀･) ⊂_へ つ (＿)｜ 彡 (＿) Coming ∧_∧ (･_･)っ (っ / Lﾉ┘ For that ∧___∧ ⊂(・＿・ ) ヽ ⊂二/ (⌒) / Booty! ／ ＼ | ● ● | ＼ _ (•_•) <) )╯ When you're ready / \ ( •_•) <( (> Come and get it / \ (•_•) ~( )~ NA NA NA NA / \" (•_•) <) )- if you dont like / \ (•_•) /( (> the jellyhorn / \ (•_•)/ <) ) then gtfo / \ \(•_•) ( . (> your leaving? / \ (•_•) <) . )/ well / \ \(•_•) ( . (> then / \ (•_•) <) . )> bye / \ \(•_•) ( . (> so I'm like / \ (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ FLIP THAT TABLE. ┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ) FLIP THIS TABLE. ┻━┻ ︵ ＼(`0`)/／ ︵ ┻━┻ FLIP ALL THE TABLES ಠ_ಠ Child. . . ಠ_ಠ Put. ಠ__ಠ The tables. ಠ___ಠ Back. (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NEVER (•_•) <) )╯because I'm / \ ⊂_ヽ ＼＼ ＿ ＼( •_•) F < ⌒ヽ A / へ＼ B / / ＼＼ U ﾚ ノ ヽ_つ L / / O / /| U ( (ヽ S | |、＼ | 丿 ＼ ⌒) | | ) / `ノ ) Lﾉ (_／/
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I refuse to necrobump anything, even a post of this caliber.
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YYYEEEEEESSSSSS !!!!!!!
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This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read
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1 ReplyKanye Kardashian is that you?
