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9/2/2019 8:32:26 AM
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Have you ever just waited for someone to die? - Balance of the Universe.
I am losing someone Dear to me, my Gran.
She has had a long life, a hard life but long. It breaks my heart knowing that I cannot be there. She is in ICU with Emphysema and they said that there is nothing much they can do for her but make her comfortable. It is a waiting game now, and I do not know how I feel about this.
She was a big part of my life, as I would imagine every Gran is, the timing of this is just shit. Found out a week ago that they require me for a different project in a different country, and that I am flying out in a Months time. This is amazing news as my wife is moving from her project to the same country which means that we can actually live together and not see each other 36 days a year as we currently do. Then 2 days after that we found out about my Gran.
It feels like we are just waiting for the call, all I can pray for is just that she doesn't suffer. The worst is numbing yourself, so that when it hits you, you feel a lot less in the end. It would have been a lot less dreadful if she was taken immediately and we could have dealt with it right then and there, the waiting game is killing me.
Feels like a cruel balance, you get what you have been praying for only to lose someone you love. I do not know why I wrote this here. I just know I needed to write something.
Have you ever experienced this? how did you handle it? - I am not a regular Off Topic member, but this seemed to be the most appropriate place. I just found myself here writing, apologies to those whose time I am wasting, but thank you to all that is reading this.
English
#Offtopic
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Edited by Caggus: 9/3/2019 10:45:44 PMYes, about 4 times now. For every single one of my grandparents. They all lived till relatively decent ages. 71, 85, 77, 89. You can guess which couple was which judging by the ages lol. Anyways yeah it sucks. They were all on life support and were basically brain dead except for one. She died after suffering an aneurysm during the night. I handled it by giving myself time to process it and by the 4th time I was kind of just numb to the initial shock. Appreciate the time you have left and appreciate the time you spent with your granny before things got bad. Head as high as you can hold it dude.
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My dad died from cancer a few years ago. For the last few months of his life he was in palliative care - which means active treatment is stopped and all they do is just make him comfortable as possible waiting for the end. It was a very hard thing to go through. I’m not sure what advice to give, just spend as much time with your gran as possible. Make sure you have plenty of family and support around, not just for your Gran but for you as well. Often we focus all our attention on the loved one dying (rightly so) but neglect ourselves.
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4 Replies[quote]I am losing someone Dear to me, my Gran. She has had a long life, a hard life but long. It breaks my heart knowing that I cannot be there. She is in ICU with Emphysema and they said that there is nothing much they can do for her but make her comfortable. It is a waiting game now, and I do not know how I feel about this. She was a big part of my life, as I would imagine every Gran is, the timing of this is just shit. Found out a week ago that they require me for a different project in a different country, and that I am flying out in a Months time. This is amazing news as my wife is moving from her project to the same country which means that we can actually live together and not see each other 36 days a year as we currently do. Then 2 days after that we found out about my Gran. It feels like we are just waiting for the call, all I can pray for is just that she doesn't suffer. The worst is numbing yourself, so that when it hits you, you feel a lot less in the end. It would have been a lot less dreadful if she was taken immediately and we could have dealt with it right then and there, the waiting game is killing me. Feels like a cruel balance, you get what you have been praying for only to lose someone you love. I do not know why I wrote this here. I just know I needed to write something. Have you ever experienced this? how did you handle it? - I am not a regular Off Topic member, but this seemed to be the most appropriate place. I just found myself here writing, apologies to those whose time I am wasting, but thank you to all that is reading this.[/quote] RIP. Get over it. [spoiler]as soon as you’re born, you’re dying.[/spoiler]
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yes, my grandmother and grandfather. While waiting, try and do everything and anything not to think about it. Call and speak to them everyday (if possible), take it one day at a time. When it ends, its gonna feel surreal and hit you at the weirdest possible times and manifest itself in different ways, personally, when my grandmother passed, I completely relapsed over my ex. It was like we had just broken up all over again and I just found out she was cheating. it was so bad that it ruined my relationship at the time as well. To move on: I played a shit ton of paintball during this, gave me an outlet for my frustration. Im also a dj, so alot of mixing to vent emotions, sometimes hitting drops and chopping tracks completely blind cause of the tears in my eyes. Loose myself in music, another vent of my emotions. Play games like siege or destiny with friends or on a super high competitive level so all of my attention is focused in one place. Try not to be alone, unless I was facing my emotions. Spend alot of time with friends and family as well. Finally, just realized they aren't suffering any more (grandfather got cancer grandmother had awful heart condition and was constantly going into afib). I know its not much, but feel free to message me if you ever need someone to chat. Best of luck chief, its all gonna work out and all going to be alright in the end. Youre not broken or twisted or anything like that, you are just human.
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Edited by TheArtist: 9/2/2019 5:21:09 PMYes. My father. We had to withdraw care at the end of his life, and it took him about 18 hours to pass away. It’s hard, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The only solace is death is not personal (though it feels like it), it’s the nature of our existence. Also is the fact is that—if it is her time—she will be released from pain and physical suffering. Your pain is your most sincere testimony to how much she meant to you. When the end comes it always cuts deeply to lose a loved one...but it will get better if you take the time to grieve. The pain will eventually be replaced by gratitude. You had someone in your life who loved you. Not everyone is so fortunate. Godspeed.
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I'll pray man it sucks to learn of your loved ones dying
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Parents had something similar happen recently. Close friend of theirs was diagnosed with brain cancer a couple of months ago. Turns out it was highly aggressive and nothing could be done, so they were basically just helplessly watching him deteriorate and waiting for him to die. He finally passed away a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't really close to him personally (he and my dad had worked together for a long time, so I remember him being at parties and stuff when I was a kid, but I didn't really see him much going into adulthood) but it clearly had an effect on my folks. It may sound like a horrible thought to have but sometimes you just end up hoping they just die so their suffering can be over. [spoiler]I've heard stories of people in states where they can't give consent for the doctors to cease treatment who also have guardians who are just unwilling to let their loved one go so they try and keep them alive for as long as possible, and they end up being much worse off for it. Sometimes you just need to recognise it's their time to go and let them pass on with dignity. [/spoiler]
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1 ReplyI’m in a similar situation. My grandpa has days (at best) to live. He has zero short term memory and is clearly suffering, so every night I’m just hoping he passes peacefully in his sleep.
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1 ReplySorry that you are having to go through this unpleasant situation of losing someone close to you. It does suck, but don't remember her for this time. I'm sure that's the last thing she'd want. Remember her for the things that made her special to you.
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This isn’t balance, it’s a cycle.
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Best of luck
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1 Reply[quote]Have you ever just waited for someone to die?[/quote] Yes- 50% of all living creatures. [spoiler]But that’s rough, I’ve never had to just wait for a loved one to die. I can only give you my condolences.[/spoiler]
