I once asked a mailman how he always managed to be funny, even if the joke was wicked cringey [spoiler]he said that it's all in the delivery[/spoiler]

two men walk into a bar and bartender says watch where your going

Jimmy and Tommy were camping in the forest. Tommy pulled out his phone. "What are you doing?" Asked Jimmy Hours later Jimmy is sitting in a fire and rescue helicopter. The firefighter asks Jimmy what happened. Jimmy sits with a blank face and burns and replies, [spoiler]he played his mixtape[/spoiler] I don't expect a good score for this

Its Thanksgiving and little Tommy is watching TV when he hears the word "Hoes". He asks his mother what is a hoe and she answers "Men". He then hears the word "bitch" and then proceeds to asks his dad what is meant which he answered "women". He is glad of this knowledge. He then hears "Pussy and dicks" he asks his parents what it meant and is told "Coats and Hats". Little Tommy for is still watching TV when he hears the word fu[b][/b]ck and asks what it is and gets the answer "Cooking" later that day he hears "blowjob" his mom tells him it means to bathe. A few hours later the guests arrive and he open the door and greets them with "Hello hoes and bitches my a take your pussies and dicks?" A guest replies with "Such foul language where id your parents young man" He then answers with "My dads -blam!-ing the Turkey and my mom is upstairs giving my brother a blowjob"

Right in front of my eyes the hypnotist had hypnotised three guys. I have never seen someone do something so amazing. The crowd was in awe. Suddenly, the hypnotist dropped the mike, and yelled "-blam!- ME!" What happened next will forever haunt me

God gave a black baby wings, the black baby asked God. "God am I an angel?", God laughed and replied, "naw n*gga you a bat.

Disclaimer: This is just a joke and not meant as an actual depiction of any demographic. Please do not ban me, this is only for entertainment purposes. What's long, hard and black on a black man's body?[spoiler]The police baton[/spoiler]

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this strait. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his thing. He's lookin' at the glass, man. He's thinkin' about the glass. He's thinkin' about the glass. Glass. He's thinkin' about the glass, glass. Thinkin' about his dick. Dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass. And then, foosh, he lets it rip. And he-he's pisses all over the place, man. He's pissin' on the bar. He pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He's pissing everywhere except the -blam!-ing glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he's laughing his -blam!-in' ass off. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Piss dripping off his face. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You -blam!-ing idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 -blam!-." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Bartender, 300." And the bartender's like, "What the -blam!- are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The guy says, "Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you'd be happy."

What do u call a bunch of dead black people in a barn [spoiler]out dated farm equipment[/spoiler] What's the hardest part of microwaving a vegetable [spoiler]getting the wheelchair through the door[/spoiler] What do u call a 6 year old with no friends [spoiler]a SandyHook survivor[/spoiler] What has more brains than a SandyHook elementary student [spoiler]the wall behind it[/spoiler] That joke was terrible [spoiler]i guess it was aimed for a younger audience[/spoiler] I wonder what the last thing to go through those kids minds was [spoiler]probably bullets[/spoiler]

What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? [spoiler]There's twenty of them.[/spoiler]

What's black on top and white on bottom [spoiler]r a p e[/spoiler]

A Canadian, American, and Mexican are all on top of a tall building and they must each throw something off of the building that they have too much of in their country. The Canadian goes first and says "We have too many maple leafs in my country" and throws a maple leaf off of the building. The Mexican goes second and says, "We have too many tacos in my country" and throws a taco off of the building. The American goes last and says, " we have too many Mexicans in our country" and throws the Mexican off of the building.

Chuck Norris once pissed in the gas tank of a semi truck. That semi is now known as Optimus prime.

My life

My life [spoiler]jk[/spoiler] [spoiler]did you hear about the car crash around the border? 200 hundred Mexicans died along with two jacked up mini vans[/spoiler]

[spoiler]A Wild Gringo has appeared[/spoiler] "Your generation is too reliant on technology," my grandfather said. "No your generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted wryly as I pulled the plug on his life support

Why did the cat fall down the well? [spoiler]Because it couldn't see that well[/spoiler] [spoiler]Heh[/spoiler]