MUST HAVE: - Balls that weigh 2.3 pounds or more (Each) - 7.4 million dollars worth of contact solution - Immunity to Poison Ivy - Broken up with at least 12 mistresses - Rock hard abs (5/6 must be actual rocks) - A Ph.D. from Harvard with a 5.1 GPA - The ability to teach college level AP neuroscience - Killed a Great White Shark with bear hands (I didn't mean bare hands. You first need to kill a bear) - 7 First Place Double, Backwards Iron Man Medals - The ability to speak Russian, Portuguese, and German at the same time backwards and upside-down - An autograph from a basketball player named Tom Brady - The ability to run a 4 minute mile in 3 minutes - Had sex with the Queen (her brother is also acceptable) - The ability to talk to animals in dog years - The ability to play jump rope with your slong - A Nobel Prize - A Ferrari - Won Tour De France while eating only Laxatives - Never in your life eaten Laxatives - Survived on an uninhabited island with people on it for 3 years - Watched Modern Family with our first president - Minimum 8 Kids, at least 9 of them boys - The ability to hold breath for 6 minutes. - Have flawless spelling and understanding of the English language WITHOUT autocorrect - The ability to sow hats in under and hour - Collectors edition of borderlands - Must have gotten every exotic in game from coming last place in crucible Failure to have EVERYTHING listed here will result in me reporting you for sexual harassment, even if you aren't answering my ad.