British squeakers are the worst. And our teeth are messed up.#getthelondonlook

Oi, I'm German and I I find this offensive

>fly to the UK for a road trip with some friends >only airline food available is lukewarm lager, cold tea and stale crumpets >attempt to ask for better food, flight attendant threatens to smack me in the gobber >no in-flight movie available, forced to watch 6-hour Top Gear marathon instead >headphones not working, flight staff decide to play the audio through loudspeaker >6 hours of Jeremy Clarkson yelling about muslims >order some reading material to distract myself from all the subliminal messages telling me that england prevails >all they have is daily mail >frontpage headline: "PARLIAMENT VOTES TO BE ANNEXED BY SAUDI ARABIA, PRINCE CHARLES IS AN ALIEN" >subliminal messages from Top Gear finally take effect >British passengers fly into a frenzy, gang up on the one guy wearing a turban >turban man tries to explain that he is a Sikh >they don't listen, beat him to a bloody pulp >scottish passenger screams "ALBA GU BRACHT!" at the top of his lungs, rips the Sikh gentleman's chest cavity open and uses his blood to paint a gaelic tribal tartan on his face >some of the blood accidentally splashes on my forehead >order a towel to wipe it off >suddenly: "OI! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!" >passengers start to attack me >i make a run for the washroom >scramble inside, lock door behind me >passengers have gone into all-out celtic/saxon multicultural berserker rage >they pound on the door with all their strength >fish around in my pockets for anything to hold them off >find spare toothbrush >slide it under the door >they take one look and disperse, fleeing back to their seats to watch more top gear >hide in the bathroom until landing >arrive at london airport around 11AM >everyone starts disembarking >i wait until they're gone, then quickly make my way off the plane >see friend holding up a sign with my name on it >last name has a lower case t in it >police arrive >charge friend a 500 pound fine for offensive belittling of religious symbol >suddenly they see his nametag >has a lower case c in it >police think it's a crescent moon >mace my friend, drag him off to prison for islamophobia >have to take the bus to reach my hotel >bus is full of chavs skipping school >they all blast various sex pistols tracks from their iphones >insist on singing out loud in thick cockney accents >pull a knife on me when i ask them to stop >move up to the front of the bus >bus driver is drinking gin straight from the bottle >"umm excuse me sir...isn't it dangerous to drive under the influence?" >"U WOT M8?" >bus driver downs gin on one swig, breaks the empty bottle against the dashboard and attempts to stab me >nothing but a plastic water bottle to defend myself with >wave it out in front of me >bus driver becomes terrified, flees by jumping out one of the windows >bus swerves wildly >small indian man in a business suit jumps forward to catch the wheel >we narrowly avoid hitting a lamp post >chavs enjoy the ride, begin singing "anarchy in the UK" in unison >one chav begins to hold hands with his pregnant 15-year-old girlfriend >muslim at the back of the bus sees them, becomes outraged >pulls out a scimitar, beheads the brave indian fellow >takes off his jacket to reveal a huge bomb strapped to his chest >"I WILL SEND ALL YOU SINNERS TO ALLAH!" >suddenly, scottish guy from the plane appears from the back of the bus >kicks muslim in the balls so hard he breaks his toe >bus swerves wildly >I ask if anyone knows how to drive >no one even has a license >bus crashes into a post office >i am the only survivor >crawl out of the wreckage >police arrive >see that I have red hair, assume that I'm with the IRA >spend the night in jail >go to court the next day >judge is drinking gin from the bottle, jury is full of teenage chavs >judge slurs "thish irish man was-" >jury immediately votes guilty >judge passes out >sentenced to 20 years in prison >apply for parole >they ask if I'm sorry for what I've done >I say yes >they shorten my sentence by 17 years >give me a cell to myself >pristine white hot tub, cable TV and internet access >try to watch some porn to pass the time >knife shoots out of the computer screen >castrates me >I writhe on the floor in pain >coppers take me to the emergency room >spend 2 weeks on waiting list >they cauterize my wound with boiling whisky >ask me if I'd like to drink the leftovers >I politely decline >suddenly they realize I'm not Irish >receive royal pardon >get to fly home in first class >police drive me to the airport >suddenly, alien mothership appears over london >viewscreen lowers >it's prince charles >he orders that all life on earth be exterminated >[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg8M-8BqTGs]hear some weird noises[/url] UK, never again.

FREEDOM NEVER SLEEPS!

WTF are Jaffa cakes?!

Isn't Britain the place that put drinks in bags? Weirdos!

How about we join forces against the common enemy [spoiler]North korea[/spoiler]

Provider of independence days in fifty-nine different countries. Also, you sit on your ass all day while the rest of the world invents things needed. Maybe you had some British inventors, but dey didnt do it in Britain.

Africar Other words ending in r.

Freedom never sleeps *rides away on an eagle monster truck to McDonalds shooting chain guns*

Anyone just watch the United Villa game?