Yo mama so fat!! when she visits the Tower, she spawns in the hangar.

Babies are the only thing that come out of a person that people are excited about holding

So there's three guys, Shutup, Manners, and Poop. They were walking when Poop fell down. Manners tried to help him and Shutup went to get help. He found a cop who asked him "What's you name?" "Shutup!" he replied. The cop asked him "Where are your Manners!?" Shutup replied, "Down the road, picking up Poop!"

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Why do Jewish men get circumcised? [spoiler]because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 30% off[/spoiler]

I decrypted your mother. Turns out she was common

An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy." The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common."

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?" "Honesty." "I don't think honesty is a weakness." "I don't give a f*ck what you think."

You know what's really funny [spoiler]my life [/spoiler]

Teacher: "Do you want to share that with the class?" Me: "No that's why I whispered it."

So a blind man walked into a bar... a table, and a chair.

What's Helen Keller's favorite color? [spoiler]velcro[/spoiler]

Hey

I give up. It's 1am and I'm going to bed.

This post

Men have two emotions, hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? [spoiler]if you were forced to have it as a child, you won't like it as an adult[/spoiler]

[b][u] The dying king and the beautiful princess. [/u][/b] There once was a king on his dying bed who had only one daughter and no sons. He wanted his daughter to get married to a great man so he can become a great king. Unfortunately for the king he had the most beautiful and sluttiest daughter the world had ever seen. She was so beautiful and slutty in fact that he knew, and so did all of the people in the village, it was inherently impossible to spend one night with her and not have sex with her. The king didn't want just some random horny fukc to become the next king so he devised a plan. He made it a challenge that if anybody can make it one night sleeping with his daughter without having sex then that person can become the next king. But the catch is if you failed the King would cut off your head. Initially nobody tried because everybody knew. So the king made posters and distributed them all across the land. A couple of days later three men showed up to take the challenge. The King knew that if he were in there hovering over them, or had somebody hovering over them, while they slept that they probably wouldn't do anything. So he came up with the idea to gently place some razor blades inside his daughters vagina. The first guy went and spent the night with her. The next morning the king went into the room pulled down the man's pants and saw that his junk was all cut up so the king said " off with his head!". The second man went and spent the night with her. The next morning the king went into the room pulled down the mans pants and saw that his junk was all cut up so he said " off with his head!". The third man went and spent the night with her. The next morning the king went into the room pulled down the mans pants and shockingly his junk is perfectly fine. The king in utter disbelief and joy says to the man "Congratulations, you have the right to marry my daughter and become the next king!" and the man replies " dank yew vawy mush"

What does a black woman name her 5 sons [spoiler]Da'quan[/spoiler] Wanna know how she tells them apart [spoiler]Their last name.[/spoiler]

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a drive-by.