Like your mom

Juwanna Sweg? They call me Rico Suave. I run these streets. Not one piece of mothership gets through the USA without me knowing. I was invited to Scott Deppe's birthday party. I was the one who baptized Jake C's son. I invented the faberge egg. No one has more sweg than me. When I was 15, I bench pressed 500 pounds. My first car was a lamborghini. My mother is a perfect 10 virgin, I was birthed due to immaculate conception. I had Michelle Obama braid my hair. You see these eyebrows?!?! I have achieved ultimate symmetry. Have you ever seen a moustache so thin? Wait, let me answer that for you - you haven't. Goatee game strong, you can't keep up. My entire wardrobe is Versace. I have 10 karat diamond earrings. I have every color-way of gucci loafers ever made. People ask me if I have collagen in my lips, nah, they're just naturally voluptuous . Bitch, I'm fabulous. I had Drake play at my sweet 16 before he was even popular. Taylor Swift snapchats me naked pictures. I already have the iPhone 7, and its not even that cool. I've been in over 500 fist fights and won them all. Floyd Mayweather is my boxing coach. I beat him up too. Watch out if you're gonna talk shit, -blam!- boy. I've had sex with at least a thousand women. Most of them models. My biceps and forearms have roadmap vascularity. No one is sweg like me, for I am the SWEGLORD.

You are a meany.

What filth dared pass your unworthy lips, pitiful urchin? I will declare, am the heir of the Elders, I have led our people out of tragedy single-handed, and I have destroyed over 300 white demons. I am learned in the arts of the earth and sky, and none are more connected to the Great Spirit than I! You are but nothing to me, prey. I will have your head hollowed for a gourde, my word is sacred! Do you think your magic will allow you to continue to disrespect me like this? Think again, dog! Even as you stand, my brothers from across the land are circling your home and your sacred place is being hunted right now, so prepare for the onslaught, rat. The onslaught that will decimate your very way of life from your people's history. You are a breathing ghost, child. I can move as I please, night or day, and I can steal your breath in over seven hundred ways, without so much as a knife. Not only am I a warrior-king's son, but I have the loyalty of my entire tribe and I will rather laugh than hesitate at wiping your hide out of this world, little dog. If only you had known what torrents your gibberish would bring upon, you would have kept silent. But you could not, you did not, and now the price will be yours to pay, backwards fool. I will spread fury like droppings until it consumes you, and you drown in its depths. You are a memory, boy.