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Edited by dazarobbo:
1/2/2015 5:19:53 AM
458
tell me a joke
Seriously tell me a joke.
Edit: this is making my day at work go by much faster! Keep them coming!
Edit:trending! Keep your jokes coming! Share them with the world!
English
#Offtopic
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Revival!
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Auto rifles I dont even consider them guns they suck so bad
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6 Replies[b][i][u]Pulse Rifles[/u][/i][/b] That's the joke.
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Edited by CriminalGamer77: 2/18/2015 7:19:55 PMThree mobsters get killed in a bar and are standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter says to them for the crimes you committed in your life in order to let you pass into heaven you need to tell me about the holiest of holidays Easter. Tony goes first: "Dats when all the kids dress up and knock on yur door and say gimme some candy you freaking mook!" St. Peter says wrong and sends him to hell. Next Vito says: "that is where you get the box of chocolates to the woman and you say I love yose!" St. Peter says wrong and sends him to hell. He then looks at "dirty" Luca "dirty" Luca says "that's where they put the Christ on the cross" St. Peter says "and?" Luca continues "then they take him down and put him in the tomb" St. Peter says "you are so close you almost got it. Then what?" Luca says "and if he comes out and sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter"
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2 RepliesA little old lady walks in an ice cream shop.... Little old Lady: Excuse me Sir, can I have a triple scoop of chocolate ice cream Store-keep: Sorry, but we are out of chocolate ice cream Little old Lady: Ok, then just a double scoop of chocolate ice cream please. Store-keep: Uh...maybe I wasn't clear, but we are all out of chocolate ice cream. Little old Lady: Oh, ok, then just a single scoop of chocolate ice cream. Store-keep: Ok lady, spell the word "VAN" in the word vanilla. Little old Lady: Uhhh, V-A-N Store-keep: Good! Now spell the word "STRAW" in the word strawberry. Little old Lady: Uhhh, S-T-R-A-W Store-keep: That's great! Now spell the word "F*&#" in the word chocolate. Little old Lady: Uhhhh, there aint no f*&# in chocolate. Store-keep: THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOUR DUMB ASS THIS WHOLE TIME!
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1 ReplyWhat do you get when you cross an owl with a bungie cord? My ass! Nyaha, nyaha, nyaha, ENOUGH!!
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A really dumb redneck won the lottery and wanted to send his son to college because no one in their family had ever been. His sons first class was a class on reason. He asked the teacher what reason was and she said do you have a weedeater? He said yes. She said then I can reason that you have a yard. He said yes I do. She said then I can reason that you have a house. He said yes. She said then I can reason that you might have a family. He said yes. She said then I can reason that you have a wife. He said yes. She said then I can reason that you aren't gay. He said no I'm not gay. She said that is what reason is. He said ok I get it. Later on at the bar one of the rednecks buddies ask him what classes he was taking. He told him one was called reason. The rednecks buddy asked him what reason was and the redneck said do you have a weedeater? His buddy said no. The redneck said then you're gay.
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28 RepliesWhy doesn't Destiny have an "easy" mode? [spoiler]Because "Warlock" sounded cooler...[/spoiler]
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10 RepliesThis one's long, but worth it. So there's this kid. He's in high school. And, as there always is, there's a girl. This guy likes this girl a lot, but he's too nervous to ask her out. But one day, he hears that the Homecoming dance is coming up. Now would be the perfect time to ask the girl that he likes out, since people get rebuffed all the time around this time of year. But this guy is no dummy. He knows he's got to do it right if he's going to have any chance of getting a yes. So he goes to his local florist to get her a bouquet of red roses, but lo and behold, there's a huge line to even get in the doors. Everyone has the exact same idea. But this guy really likes this girl, so she's worth an hour in a line. He finally gets the roses, and the next day, this guy goes to the girl he likes and asks her to go to the dance with him. To his surprise, she says yes! As it turns out, she's been waiting for him to ask her out for a really long time. They start talking, and they agree to go shopping for his suit and her dress the following day. The next day, the guy picks up the girl so they can go to a boutique. They get most of the way there when traffic starts getting really slow. Before long, there's a traffic jam. They're stuck there for an hour, in a huge line of cars. When they finally get out, they go to the boutique and the girl finds a beautiful silver dress that she likes a lot. But as she goes to pay, she notices a huge line of girls buying their dresses too. She gets in the back of the line and waits her turn. She finally get to the front, pays for her dress, and leaves to go find the guy, who went to get his suit. In the meantime, the guy made his way to a men's apparel store where he finds a suit that, well, suits him. He's about to go pay when he's met with a sprawling line of people waiting to pay as well. Of course, every guy at school would be buying his suit too in preparation for the dance. So our guy waits patiently in line and pays, then leaves. He exits the store, line still well past the threshold, and goes to meet his date. He still needs a tie, so he can match the girl's dress. They meet up and head to a local tie shop together. As they pull up in the parking lot, they can see the line. You know the deal. He gets the tie, he waits in the huge, long line, he pays, he leaves. Everything is set. The guy drops the girl off. They're both ready for the dance the next day. Except, the guy forgot to get the girl a corsage. He rushes to the florist and pics out a nice white corsage. Once again, there's a huge line, but he waits diligently and pays for it. Now he's ready. The day of the dance, he picks up his date (she looks beautiful) and they go on their way to the dance. After waiting in an enormous line to get into the damned place, they get there. They slow dance a little bit, they fast dance, they have a lot of fun. After a while, they guy gets thirsty, and he asks his date if she wants a drink. She says sure, so he walks over to the concessions table and... [spoiler]there is no punch line.[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyGuy 1: yo u know where we're at? Guy 2: Nah lemme stop and Axis Minotaur
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What do you call a twix bar and a snickers bar combined? [spoiler]Chocolate sweets, yummies to eat![/spoiler]
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1 ReplyTwo wales walk into a bar. The first wale says: WOOOOOOOOUUUUUAAAAAAAWWOOOOOUUUAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO The second wale says: Shuddup frank you're drunk.
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9 RepliesDuck walks into a bar. Says "got any grapes?" Bartender says "no, we don't. Now get out." Next day, same thing. Duck walks in, asks "got any grapes?" Bartender says "NO! Now get out!" Next day, duck walks in, looks at the bartender. Bartender looks at the duck. Duck ask "got any grapes?" Bartender walks around the bar and says "look, duck. You come in here asking for grapes again and I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar! Now get out!" Next day, duck walks in, looks at the bartender. Bartender looks at the duck, raises an eyebrow. Duck says "do you have any...nails?" Bartender looks surprised and says "no." "GOT ANY GRAPES?"
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1 ReplyYour gamer tag.
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1 ReplyWhat is the internal tempurature of a Tauntaun? [spoiler]Luke warm! :P[/spoiler]
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Stand in front of a mirror, Close your eyes, Count to ten, Open your eyes, Look at the mirror closely, You'll find a joke standing on the other side.
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Women's rights
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Your sex life
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My penis
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1 ReplyWhere did Susie go during the bombing? [spoiler]everywhere[/spoiler]
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A terrorist walks into a bar[spoiler]The bar blows up[/spoiler]
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So I says to the guy, "Warble Garble Garble," and he's all like, "Sir this is an orphanage! Stop kicking the kids!" So I punched him in the face!
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6 RepliesWhat type of bagel can fly? [spoiler]a plain bagel![/spoiler] A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants. The bartender asks him, " Hey, doesn't that hurt?" And the pirate growls, " Aye, It's drivin me nuts!" What's the difference between a crusty bus station and a lobster with breast implants? [spoiler]One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean[/spoiler] What's brown and sticky? [spoiler]A stick. [/spoiler] What was Forest Gump's password? [spoiler]1forest1[/spoiler] Two dyslexics walk into a bra. What was a more important invention than the first telephone? [spoiler]The second one. [/spoiler] My wife left me after repeatedly spending our entire life savings on penis enlargement surgeries. [spoiler]She couldn't take it any longer...[/spoiler] Hope you enjoyed!
