I posted this a few months ago, enjoy. I added some more at the end too. 1 What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a -blam!- when my computer crashes. 2 My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support. 3 What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor. 4 Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast. 5 What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message. 6 What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon. 7 What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present. 8 How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave. 9 How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles. 10 How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up. 11 Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point. 12 Feminism 13 So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. 14 Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble. 15 How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything. 16 What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery. 17 So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work. 18 How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he -blam!-s his sister then cut the brakes on his house. 19 What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. 20 What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice. 21 How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down. 22 Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free. 23 What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose. 24 How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months. 25 How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy. 26 What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence. 27 How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch. 28 Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died. 29 What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile. 30 What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period. 31 How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan. 32 What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers. 33 How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. 34 Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14. 35 Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up. 36 Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't. 37 How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black. 38 What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage. 39 A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice. 40 What's difference between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars. 41 How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked. 42 Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet. 43 One time I -blam!-ed this chick so hard, she almost came back to life 44 I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone. 45 What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber. 46 What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong. 47 Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods. 48 What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs. 49 What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them. 50 What's a word that white people can call white people, but black people can't call black people? Dad. 51 You know you're girlfriend is too young when you have to make an airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth. 52 They say there's safety in numbers. Oh yeah? Try telling that to six million Jews. 53 Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again. 54 You know, asians are such bad drivers that I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident. 55 What's the difference between a bag of cocaine, and a four year old? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window. 56 How can you get a nice jewish girl's number? Roll up her sleeve 57 What's the worst part of being a black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven 58 I'm on the fence about abortion. On the one hand, it kills babies, which I'm all for. But it gives women a choice, which I'm, against. 59 Those poor kids from Sandy Hook, they wanted books but all they got were magazines 60 How come black people like basketball so much? It involves running, shooting and stealing. 61 Yesterday, I failed my biology exam. The question was: Name something commonly found in cells. Apparently, 'Black People' wasn't the right answer 62 Why do so man black people believe in God? He is the only father they ever knew

What's the useless skin around the vagina called? The woman. I'm not a sexist. Sexism is wrong and being wrong is for women.

Turn on your front camera

[b] [/b]

What's the best part of having sex with twenty eight year olds? [spoiler]there's twenty of them[/spoiler]

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, "Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?" The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished. Finally, the son said, "Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball." The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, "If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have." And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a pink ping pong ball. The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again. The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday. "Father," replied the son, "I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls." The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, "If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have." And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls. The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again. The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday. "Father," said the son to this, "I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls." The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. "A carton of pink ping pong balls?" "A carton of pink ping pong balls," the boy confirmed. "I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls," said the father, "but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have." And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls. The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared. "Dear son," said the father, "I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?" The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. "Please humor me, dear father." The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again. The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday. "Dearest father," the son started, "I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls." One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humor his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory. The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home. The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left. The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong. "Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible." It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country. The next day, the father took his son to the harbor and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there. "Father," the son said, "You've made me very happy yet again." That night, the son spent on board the tanker. The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy. A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital. His father visited the young man in hospital. "My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?" Weakly, the son sat up in bed. "Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls." The father held his son's hand tightly. "Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls." "Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls." The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk. "Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls." The son nodded weakly. The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room. "Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls," the father requested. The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter. "I-" the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth. "I- I-" Then he died.

Teammate revived from the dead Used Necrobump

What did the Mexican racist join? [spoiler]the [i]quequeque[/i][/spoiler]

..

Done.

What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill [spoiler]an avalanche[/spoiler] What do you call a bunch of rednecks running down a hill [spoiler]an ant hill[/spoiler] What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill [spoiler]jailbreak[/spoiler]

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza [spoiler]pizzas don't scream in the oven[/spoiler]

Bump

Why did it suck to be a black Jew during the holocaust? [spoiler]you had to sit in the back of the gas chamber[/spoiler]