I’m pretty sure Bungie favors PC over console at least Xbox anyway. I have good internet. And when I go into my privacy settings on Xbox and turn off Crossplay Destiny can’t seem to find a game. PVP never loaded. Even after 30 minutes of waiting. Dares would load me up solo and no one ever joins. Strikes start me up solo and about 10 minutes in one other player will join.
Pretty sure Destiny is now just coded to put you in the fastest available PC or Sony connection. There’s no way Bungie isn’t aware it’s this bad on Xbox.
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Same on PSN though, so rest assured it's not just an Xbox issue. I've sat in matchmaking for over 15 minutes for Iron Banner, and still didn't find a match. I just got tired of waiting and played something else. I don't know about strikes, dares, etc though. I've never tried them with crossplay off.
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It’s because they FORCED everyone into crossplay, instead of making it a feature in-game you’d ENABLE. I hate matching PS because of latency issues, but if I turn it off through Xbox settings I get the same thing you did.