This week at bungie studios, there has been a storm. What kind of storm you ask? A storm that can only be described as 1000 voices screaming in terrifying unison. Our web team has had a diet of coffee and energy drinks while they tried to sort out the mess this weekend. It keeps me up at night wondering what woes have possessed our community. Perhaps our guardians are all too eager voice their support for change. Change is good but you cannot rush it. Like fermenting wine, we sometimes we must learn to allow the goddess of chronology perform her glorious magics.
Yes, I have seen your desire for a certain update. Let me take this time to say that I understand your pain and frustration. However, we are working to bring you exciting new changes. What are those changes you may ask? Well young guardian, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know which one will fill you with joy. Or wait.....was that how the phrase goes? As you can see, I am so excited for the plans the devs have in store from us that cliche adages about the quality of life elude me. Instead I will ironically attempt to be ambiguously vague and hope you all can thank me for it.
In other news, over 1 trillion players have punished Crota without using cheese! this community continues to fascinate and impress me! You, the players are our inspiration and our muse. It is your undying wavering bravery that helps us forge a new path into the light of the dark. Think about it, 1 trillion players, that's more than the entire population of Earth! Perhaps Destiny is being enjoyed by extraterrestrials in the vastness of space......or perhaps superfluous hyperbole continues to be a most uncomfortable bane of attrition.
[b]Iron Banner[/b]
Lord Saladin just doesn't get a break does he? Or maybe he does and he decides to spend his vacations with you guardians. That's right, the iron banner is back by popular demand. New friendships will blossom, others will blossom even more. I have my warlock ready to go and should I encounter you on the battlefield, remember the crucible is no place for mercy. But Saladin will be merciful with plenty of loot and rewards. Should you be lucky enough to participate in this engrossing event, you may find yourself with a big tidy souvenir yourself from Saladin's own stashes. It's time to let those 32s flourish! Show the others how hard you have been working but remember, power is not all you need to be a successful iron banner champion. Teamwork is just as imperative, if not more important than going solo. So grab a friend or 5 and don't miss out on Lord Saladin's goodies! Jib jub bappity flap!
-Dee[url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/84825823/0/0]J[/url]
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Robert Bowling was a better community manager than Deej. I didn't even like infinity wards cods either.
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1 ReplyEdited by RoboDuckLives: 1/26/2015 7:51:54 PM[quote]This week at bungie studios, there has been a storm. What kind of storm you ask? A storm that can only be described as 1000 voices screaming in terrifying unison. [/quote] This part should read: [quote]This weekend at bungie studios, while we were enjoying our weekends, there was an annoyance on our website . What kind of annoyance you ask? An annoyance that can only be described as 1000 children stomping their feet in terrifying unison. [/quote]
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Edited by TenaciousDNA: 1/26/2015 8:52:47 PMI knew I had undying wavering bravery! ;)
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This will probably be copy and pasted for the weekly update! XD Good job to you!
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Edited by Mike-MF-Hall: 1/26/2015 8:47:48 PMRofl. There you go. Your humor has returned. And it was highly original. Always wondered why people liked you.
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6 RepliesWow, is this really DeeJ. I can't believe all the new and awesome changes that are coming to the game. Thanks for the info Man!
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o_____________o = DeeJ Loomynarty confurmed.
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4 RepliesVery accurate. Furthermore, Deej is full of shit. I'm getting tired of the people who manage this game, and Deej has got to be the worse PR man I have EVER seen. He just make us even more agitated with his vague, tactical, and poetic responses.
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I just hope they actually add the first one on my list instead of being lazy. https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/88755674/0/0/1
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1 ReplyPoor Dave... [spoiler]I actually thought this wasn't satire until the "..." in the second paragraph.[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyGreat job, Deej can copy and paste this and not have to do any work until next Thursday!
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WHat about the social update? Maybe interview the guardian with the most AFK time? Also u should mention how it took datto 20hours to kill Crota cuz he's actually a shit player.
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All hail LONG FACE!!!!
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[b]official:[/b] constructive criticism is "offensive content"
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1 ReplyFor a second, I thought this was legit.
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This is so on point. You manage to allure to all the things the community wants whilst simultaneously giving nothing. Are you really Deej pretending to be longface???
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If Deej did address the update we will never get then it would look like this. He won't. So it will look like your post minus this first half.
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Edited by elvis vallejo: 1/26/2015 7:49:59 PMDeej is like a walking dictionary maybe he should just work for Merriam-webster instead of bungie
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2 RepliesWho is Dave?
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Edited by JHarv: 1/26/2015 7:49:21 PMLongface McSmacktalker second cousin to Rockets McDickface (less rockets, more word bullets targeting the hearts of developers errywhere)
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Edited by JHarv: 1/26/2015 7:55:44 PM
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9/10 No iron banner announcement/advertisement. Or useless statistics about what weapons fellow guardians use as foreplay before tea bagging.
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awesome use of words to make sounds in my head, butthole
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Alderaan exploded?