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2/14/2016 4:27:58 AM
3
Here's my feedback, man. I didn't get too far.
Who's the narrator? Maybe it's my fault for jumping in at the wrong place, but the language is too archaic. It would be more readable, and enjoyable, if the narrator spoke like we do. The characters can talk however they need to.
That really kept me from getting further.
English
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It is revealed much further in that the narrative is told by a time traveler, the same one that made the machine Kalimora, exiled it within the sphere of metal, and set most of the events in the story into motion.
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Okay. It's not bad. You definitely have a solid foundation from what I looked at. I'd really consider toning him down a notch, though. The medieval language does create a fantasy vibe but it's also a stumbling block for the reader.
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Wait, mid evil language. Any way I could get an example. Oh, and thanks for actually taking the time to give some feedback.
