When I took on the mission to take down the fabled "Omnigul" of the hive, I never expected it would turn into love. It started out like any other strike order. The speaker grouped me with two other guardians, a titan codenamed "xX hardcore Xx" and a warlock called "I effed ur mother". As soon as they spoke to me, my ears bled. High-pitched voices lashed out at me for being a hunter. I remembered thinking that the tower must be getting desperate if they are bringing children back to life to fight the darkness. "W-wow....you are a huntul? you are a big noob f-fag." said I effed ur mother. He couldn't quite pronounce his "R"s yet and his stutter was prevelant. "GET OUT OF HERE KID!" shouted xX Hardcore Xx, who sounded like he was no older than 10. At first, I thought he was talking to I effed ur mother, but then he said "TULIAN, GET THE -blam!- OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR NOOBISH HUNTER ASS!" "I did not come back to life to babysit a bunch of little kids." I said in a calm demeanor, but I was interrupted by their squeaking voices. "SHUT THE -blam!- UP, YOU ARE THE KID YOU HUNTER-USING NOOB! "I will fweeze you with my icebreakul" "HAHA -blam!-ING PANSY!! "stopid head." I sighed and decided to bare with it. I watched as they ran into waves and waves of hive and died over and over again while I used my brains to stay back and pick them off from a distance. xX Hardcore Xx implied I was a rookie for setting up camp with my sniper rifle. I had no idea what he meant, nor did I know what he meant when he also implied I created a vacuum. But I did my duty and efficiently reduced the hives numbers. There were several hive knights left when the traveler decided to bless me with a super. A divine energy filled my body and my adrenaline pulsed in my veins. I took out my blade and began to dance. I was a whirl-wind of death as arcs of electricity sizzled around my knife. I weaved in and out of the knights, evaporating them into non-existence. In a matter of seconds, they were all dead. I calmly put my knife in my pocket, hoping that the children would learn a thing or two. Instead they seemed to criticize me for my efficiency and tactics. Their blithering stupidity continued as we encountered more hive and even a wave of fallen. Eris Morn tried to communicate to me through my ghost, but I could not hear her over the screams of rampant retardation. But from the gist of it, I gathered we were getting close to the Omnigul's lair. As we entered a dark hallway, the children got into an argument about pubes. I don't know how THAT conversation started, but I really didn't want to find out. That's when I heard the scream. At first I thought it was I effed ur mother's bellowing, but then I realized it was the omnigul. Eris told me to silence her screams, so I took out my rifle. Swarms of hive began to run towards us and I began to pick them off. That's when I saw her. Time seemed to stop for me as she floated through the air and summoned more hive. She was a creature of majesty and power. Her horns were majestic and her snout had a subtle angle. Beautiful white light poured from her eyes. Her glorious bosom seemed to hint at fertility and life. I could feel myself falling under her spell. At that moment, I questioned what I was living for. The traveler had me brought back to life to fight the darkness....but what was the darkness? They never explained it. I felt I was lied to by everybody in the tower. But the only truth I cared about was floating in front of me and killing my fireteam. This is what love at first sight must be like. "REVIVE ME YOU STUPID -blam!-!" xX Hardcore Xx screamed from the grave after he blew himself up with a rocket launcher. "Hew, I'ww save you." said I effed ur mother, who was promptly killed by a wave of cursed thralls. I decided against reviving them. In fact, I knew they could still see me from the void, so I decided to leave them. They would not be revived in the day of the nightfall, so they wouldn't get in the way of what I was about to do. I crouched behind the pillar and waited. Suddenly an electric chill came over my body and my nerves began to tingle. I saw my hands cloak in my camouflage. It would allow me to get close to the Omnigul undetected. Immediately I leapt up into the air and jumped off the head of a confused knight. I quickly maneuvered my way on top of a pillar that the alien beauty was floating next to. There, I whispered into her ear: "I don't know if you can understand me, but I don't want to fight you." The Omnigul whirled around just as my cloak vanished. She prepared to fling plasma at me, but in a gesture of faith, I dropped my weapons to the ground and held out my arms. She seemed intrigued by my actions. "DUDE, WHAT THE -blam!- ARE YOU DOING?!?" screamed xX hardcore Xx. "From the moment I laid my eyes on you, " I said, ignoring the children, "I knew I could not fight you. How can a lowly hunter such as myself harm a beautiful goddess such as you?" The Omnigul seemed flustered for a moment, a blush began to glow on her cheeks, but then she screamed at me and flung her magics in my direction. But I was quick and nimble. I was already on the other pillar as I continued my confession of love. "Fate had us meet as foes, but this blade will make us lovers. Can you imagine what it is like to be brought back from death and told to fight a vague darkness? Until now, I did not realize I was a slave. Until I met you, I was still dead. But now I feel alive...and though you continue to fight me, I do not raise an arm against you. Indeed, I even brought you sacrifices. Two of our children's souls remain in the void. They are yours." "WHAAAT?!?! NO YOU STUPID -blam!-! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?" screamed xX hardcore Xx "I'm scayolled!" said I effed ur mother. The beauty tilted her head and the blush on her cheeks began to glow brighter. Her voice entered my head: "Human! I admired your bravery and while the hive will devour the souls of your youth, you are too puny for the likes of me. Now go die." she spat. "Too Puny?" I thought. I did a back flip and dropped onto a knight, driving my knife into his middle eye. He disintegrated into the ether while falling backwards. A wave of thralls began to rush me, but I pulled out my handcannon and picked them off efficiently. I was blessed with more divine energy. I whipped out my blade and danced for the omnigul. My blade painted a story of suffering and death as waves of her spawn dropped into embers. After my time of glory was almost up, I spun around and unleashed a flowering ring of death among the horde, sending them to oblivion. After I was done, a lone thrall decided to run for it, but without even looking, I flung a knife to my side and it implanted in its skull. The Omnigul shrieked and raised her arms, preparing to summon more hive. But I was suddenly on her shoulders, gripping her wrists. Screaming, she struggled to loosen my grip. She tried to fire bolts of magic at my face, but I held my head back, causing her shots to hit the ceiling. A piece of rubble fell out and struck us both. She lost her balance and fell to the ground. Pain wracked my skull but the traveler's light quickly healed it. She was unharmed, my body had protected her from the rubble, and her wrists were still in my hands. "LET ME GO!!!" she shrieked "CROTA WILL RETURN AND HE WILL EXTERMINATE YOUR ENTIRE RACE!!!" My visor opened and I looked into her white slots. "Then let him come." I said. "If I am not yours, then I may as well be dead." The Omnigul looked up at me and stopped struggling. I could not tell what sort of expression she wore on her face, but I could feel her emotions in my head. She was captivated by my beauty. I took one of her wrists and kissed it gently. It was like kissing the skin of a dead komodo dragon, but I felt a great honor in performing such a service. I let go of her wrists, preparing for her to attack me again, but she didn't. Instead, she raised an arm back to stroke my cheek. Suddenly she was on top of me, pushing me back against the rubble. Her body was slightly larger than mine, but that added to her majesty. She hissed in my face and pressed her maw against mine. It was like trying to kiss a giant beetle, but the passion was real. Meanwhile the children who were watching this were beginning to cry out. "EWWWWWW!!!!!! WHAT THE -blam!-?!?" exclaimed xX Hardcore Xx. "I thwew up..." said I effed ur mother. "HOW CAN YOU THROW UP IF YOU ARE DEAD?!?" said xX Hardcore Xx "i dunno..." said I effed ur mother. The omnigul got her oral slime all over my face, causing the kids to scream as they were forced to watch. I reached my arms around her waist and held her against me, I felt her glorious bosom pressed against my chest. When she pulled out of the kiss, she hissed at me sassily. That night, I made her scream louder than she had ever screamed before, even louder than the traumatized souls who were forced to watch. Then with her hands, she used her magics to conjure chains around my arms and legs, spreading them apart. I struggled against the bonds, but they would not break. She hissed at me and then began to show me who was my queen. As the bonds restrained me, I was forced to experience a freedom and alien dominance I hadn't felt since third grade. I am deeply in love with the omnigul and she is in love with I too. As a sign of my commitment to her, I lured more youth to her lair in order to sacrifice them to her spawn and she rewards me with affection.

Queen of the Reef: Surface level Dom Probably makes you the woman in the relation ship. With those leather boots: her feet probably smell. Zavala: All business Gonna heads straight for the finish You're gonna have to take care of yourself afterwards. Saladin: 300lbs of Dark chocolate. He has a monster ding and expects you to do great things with it. No complaining. Randal: Vandals move in packs. You will be an unwilling party in an orgy. ERIS: Looks and smells like the creepy sister from Pet Cemetery. Calls her junk The Dark Below For all you fellas, she mashes it. Omnigul Dry as a bone Will probably bite you. Banshee Will hump and dump you and get his memory wiped so he doesn't have to remember you. His metal parts will pinch you.

Erics Mom [spoiler]has got it going on[/spoiler] [i]~TheGreatAdidas[/i]

Did anyone really doubt the queen being the top choice.

"Fingertips on the surface of my....." I'll let your imagination take the rest.

Lord Shaxx. His crucible commentaries make me moist

Other. Where's Amanda Holiday?

Eris Moan! Just to hear those loud moans! You can hear her now can't you! GAURDIAN YESSS!!! LOL!