Ayy lmao

I was eating my pizza with weed topping, when suddenly someone shouted "u wot m8" outside. I opened the window. And what I saw is the #1 qwikscopr under age 12. He had a junior sized fedora, and he had a joint in his mouth. Next to him was an above-average sized british semi-hot gril. He shouted "fite me in rust 1v1". I replied "no hardscops m8". By saying that, I accepted his challenge. I realized; [b]it's now or never[/b]. I grabbed my opium infused mtn dew, and drank 4 of them. I felt my wang expanding and my muscles filling with opium. I grabbed my Intervention with 3.0x zoom and an OpTic decal. I grabbed my cap, on it was doritos sponsoring. I took my Jordans, my hot swedish gril with yoga pants, and stepped outside. There he was. [b]The #1 qwikscopr under age 12.[/b] He said: if I win, I get your gril. I could feel my mtn dew powered wang expanding when I saw my grils booty. I wasn't losing this. We exchanged MLG posters and minecraft pickaxes, and then the fight started. It was chaotic. The sound of his qwikscops filled my ear. I took a leap with my Jordans, jumped into the air and shot him in the foot. His hp went down to 30%. We continued to fire qwikscops, untiI I made a fatal mistake. I had forgot my grenades, the holy grenades blessed by GabeN. I was unaware of this, so I took another huge leap into the air, higher than my previous leap, but then realized that I threw a flare instead of my holy GabeN grenades. The #1 qwikscopr under age 12 fired a 50 cal in my head, and I blacked out. Next day, I woke up in a hospital. The hot nurse saw me opening my eyes, and told me that I would have died if I wasnt wearing this doritos sponsored cap. That's when I saw him. The #1 qwikscopr under age 12 sat with two grils, one of them mine. He put on his deal with it glasses, lit his joint, and said "deal with it". He proceeded with turning his back. On the back of his shirt, it said "#thuglife". That's when I popped a cap in his ass. He bleeded out, and I did my teabagging rituals on his corpse. This is my near death experience.

I saw the [b]ayy lmao[/b] jpeg and didn't repost.. :O

When I was 6 or 7 I got signed up for swimming lessons by my mother. There was a bar on the side of pool, and he was having us follow it around. Now, I'm always one to zone out. I let go of the bar, and just sank down to the bottom. I don't remember how long I was down there, but it was sixteen feet deep and terrifying. To this day I don't know how to swim. [spoiler]There's a poetry reference in there, if you get it I love you.[/spoiler]

[b]343 guilty spark[/b]

I was in a boom lift at work, jumped out for a cigarette and not 20 seconds later some stupid chick texting and driving slammed into it. It sheared 8 half inch bolts on the knuckle and spun the basket around. Smoking saved my life lol

A shark and a lion attacked me at the same time. I fought them off though.

When my girlfriends dad found out we were going out

1. Bleeding out til unconscience while laying on asphalt with over a thousand lbs of twisted red hot metal cutting into my flesh and pinning me down. A drunk driver flipped a car ontop of me at 80 mph. 2. Got knocked out while surfing... whiped out, hit my head on the reef. Woke up 1/2 mile down the beach coughing up water and freezing cold about 6 hours later. 3. Poisoned by a small colonial anemone that secretes neuro toxin with no known antidote... tasted copper for 8 hours, had trouble breathing, felt faint and weak, heart rate was all over the place. 4. Had a pulmenary embolism, well 4 actually... tached out with a heart rate of 560 bpm 3 times, had 13 doctors scratching their heads as to how i was still alive, or conscious.