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1/22/2019 4:29:36 PM
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God's life must really suck knowing how much his creations are screw-ups. (Long post)
God: *Makes basically perfect planet for carbon based life in the universe, with almost every biome imaginable*
God: Ok now for the grand finale, behold...
The Human!
*Angels applaud*
God: It is basically the smartest thing I have ever made, and is self aware so it can make its own decisions!
Angel: Wait... Haven't we seen enough sci-fi to know that everything goes to hell once you make it self aware?
God: Yeah, but [i]I[/i] made it. How bad can it possibly be? Answer, IT WON'T. I spent 13 billion years waiting and preparing for this moment.You honestly think I would spend this long making something only to have it fail miserably?
Angel: Sir, Adam and Eve are ready for deployment into the Fertile Crescent.
God: *pops open champagne, while grabbing a pile of sand* Get ready for this to be the best thing you've ever seen!
-2,000 years pass-
God: ...
Angel: So...
God: Just... Don't.
Angel: We do have one plan to fix all of this though...
God: NO
Angel: He could save them...
God: ...
...
...
...
...Fine.
-~30ish years pass-
God: OH MY...
Angel: Uhhh, that did not go well...
God: YOU THINK? THEY NAILED HIM TO A DAMN TREE AND LET HIM BLEED OUT!
Angel: I knew we should have just destroyed the Romans when we saw them take over the Mediterranean.
God: Ok, well, at least it can't possibly get any worse...
-6,000 years pass-
Angel: So, what more do you want to add to the list?
God: Well what do we have so far again?
Angel: The Top 10 are
Climate Change
Communism
The Third Reich
European treatment of Africa
Crusades
Venezuela as a whole
North Korea
Islamic terror
Spanish Inquisition
EA
English
#Offtopic
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1 Replyr/gamingcirclejerk would like a word with you.
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1 ReplyPffft T-Rex was around for millions of years and couldn't even jerk off. How's that for a failure???
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I like the idea of this... Angels: Are you sure this is wise? God: Sure, its a flawless plan. I set that bush on fire, speak to him in a big, booming voice, get him to carve all this shit down on stone. Flawless! *wind forward a couple of thousand years* Angels: Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, The Romans are a pretty bloodthirsty lot, and your followers have lost their way somewhat. Are you [i]sure[/i] you should send your son down there? God: Yeah, whats the worst that could happen? He'll be [i]fine[/i], they'll LOVE him! *wind forward a few centuries*. God: Ok, so sending my son down last time was a bad idea. They nailed him to a Cross, and just when it looked like he had successfully spread my Word the Romans got hold of it and decided it was their new justification for their brutality, but THIS time I've got it! Angels: Oh boy, what now? God: THIS time I'll choose some random Arab bloke down in that desert. Angels: WHAT?! Are you mad? They make the Romans look shy! God: Rubbish. It'll give them some perspective *1000 years later* Angels: So? God: ... Angels: ... God: ... Angels: ... God: LOOK HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEY'D GO ON A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE THAT DWARFED ANYTHING THE ROMANS EVER DID?! Angels: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OMNIPOTENT!!! God: NOT EVEN THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'LL DO NEXT! THATS HOW I MADE THEM. And hey, at least I got them to stop drinking... Angels: THAT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT HELD THEM BACK FOR -blam!-S SAKE. God: Really? Hmm. Well, theres a lesson to be learned here... [i]And lo, the Irish were bestowed with the gift of Guinness, to spare the world from their cheerful tyranny[/i]
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That’s just humanity. What about aliens who may have had longer to evolve or find a higher state of consciousness? The universe is VAST and supports many life forms. Not all are un-evolved as us. Humans are still primitive in the universal scale of things. There is time, there is hope. Be kind - be caring.
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4 RepliesFairytales are fun.
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I don't think it would be like this at all..It would probably be something I couldn't even say cuz in my head. Creative tho.
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i think you need to switch the 2000 and 6000 around, and probably add a few years to the 6000. apart from that, perfectly accurate to have EA on that list.
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6 Replieshe basically set us up for failure tbh we're literally all the result of incest following Adam and Eve's logic
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17 RepliesI wonder who this triggered more... The Athiests because you mentioned God in a joke? Or the Christians because you mentioned God in a joke?
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1 ReplyWe really need more threads like this.
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Man on its own is corrupt and evil, ever since the Adam and Eve debacle. Without Him we will eventually kill ourselves off from stupidity and nonsense lol
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1 ReplyEdited by Toa167: 1/23/2019 7:09:58 PMTop 10 1. YouTube rewind 2018 2.President trump
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He’s not angry. Just, disappointed.
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As a human, this was funny
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I'm at a loss for word.s. Can't even tipe right.
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As a catholic[spoiler]I found this rather amusing👍[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyEdited by Ogma: Destroyer of Worlds: 1/22/2019 8:00:34 PMGod: *makes asses for pooping Humans: *eat ass God: ”wtf guys” [spoiler]just kidding, god’s not real[/spoiler] [spoiler]eat all the ass you want[/spoiler]
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I am a perfect human being. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
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6 RepliesYou forgot "furries" in that list. They're definitely in the top 10
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What’s the punchline?
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Well -blam!-ing said my dude
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I bet it’s more like a comedian laughing at his own jokes.
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4 RepliesI'm not christian but can confirm EA is the scum of the earth.
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At this rate, it's easy to see why if there is a God (Not assuming anyone's beliefs, just stating it) he doesn't like speaking to his creations. So far all humanity has done is -blam!- it up.
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3 RepliesSatan: "wtf don't look at me I didn't do that shit"
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2 RepliesYeah, he didn't even give us fire breath. Like wtf, I wanna toast marshmallow with my breath!
