After the previous church got destroyed, my family found a new church to make me go to. Why can't I just stay home and play Among Us all day??? So, it's our first day there and once again the priest is going off about some boring -blam!- while I'm waiting to go home to play Among Us. It was excruciating. I thought I wouldn't be able to make it through to the end. Until he said this. "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him." ... No. -blam!-. Way. This -blam!- actually just said "Among Us." This reference was way more obvious than the one the last priest said. I mean, he literally said the name of the game! Could it be, that this one is not an imposter? "RED IS SUS I SAW HIM VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I sat there, soiling my Big Chungus underwear with a proud grin on my face as I waited for the entire church to praise me for belting out such a fantastic Among Us reference. Instead, all I got was the old lady behind me saying: "Please be respectful to the church." Yo wtf??? That's, like, the most sus thing anyone has ever said in the history of the English language. Well, if she's going to play imposter, I will too. I whipped out my glock and busted a cap right into her skull. Her head flew back at the pull of the trigger as blood started cascading from the exit wound. The person behind her was screaming as the blood was pouring onto their clothes while the old h[i]a[/i]g's limp, lifeless body was twitching and giving it's last breath. Just like last time, people were freaking out. I couldn't have people report dead body again because I didn't want to go back to the Guantanamo Bay, so I had to kill everyone. I pulled out my M240 (which I keep in my f[i]o[/i]reskin with my glock) and started spraying bullets everywhere. One by one, every single person dropped dead in the span of 30 seconds. I looked around to make sure no one survived, but then something strange caught my eye. There was a bright light coming from the ceiling and a man with a long hair and beard was floating down from it. "Who are you?" I asked. "I am your Lord and Savior, -blam!-." Oh my -blam!- God. That's the dude the last priest was talking about, the dude with "sus" in his name! "HOLY -blam!- -blam!- YOU'RE THE AMONG US GUY!!!!!!!" He had no idea what I was talking about, and he started telling me about how I've "sinned" and that I'm "going to Hell." I found this whole situation pretty sus, so I emptied the rest of my bullets into this -blam!-. That's it. Everyone is dead. I have finally won a game of Among Us for the first time in my life! I am now off to find a new church to troll with Among Us.

It's been a while since my last update. I have traveled across all of the United States, trolling every single god-damned church to the pits of Hell with Among Us. I am responsible for massacres and multiple acts of genocide. Cities are in ruin all because of my doing. I recently discovered that there were no churches left. All of them were desolated by my Among Us references. Imagine Big Chungus going into a church and shitting. That's what every church looks like now. I am on the very top of the FBI's most wanted list. I know I don't have much time left, so I want to make my greatest achievement yet. So I started heading over to the Vatican. I traveled to Rome by boat and by foot. When I finally got there, I headed straight for the Roman Catholic Church. I started looking for the Pope when I was met with the faces of some very sus security guards. "Excuse me, do you know where I can find the Pope?" They looked at me in confusion. One said "We can't let you see the Pope." I asked why and they threw some bullshit excuses at me. If you couldn't tell by now, these -blam!- were the imposters. Without hesitation, I stabbed them both to death (like the kill animation in Among Us) I stabbed the first one in the neck. He started gasping for air as blood started pouring from his mouth. He wanted to scream but all he could release were gurgled cries of agony. The second one, I slit his stomach open, ripped out his large intestine and force-fed it to him. Tears flowed from his eyes as his body convulsed in disturbing ways. His crying was pathetic so I took out his eyeballs, shoved them in the hole I cut in his stomach and stitched him back up. Weird thing is, as soon as I did this, everyone was screaming just like all the other times! Why are so many people afraid of Among Us? Until I realized... They all know I'm the imposter since I have brutally dismembered several victims within the past few months. I didn't bother killing them this time because I needed them around in a few minutes. I made my way to the Pope's room. He turned around and said "Who are you?" "I'm the imposter, that's who I am. You sussy -blam!-." I lunged towards him and swiftly decapitated him with my high carbon steel samurai sword (that I keep under my big toenail. Too big to fit in my f[i]o[/i]reskin sadly :/) Blood cascaded from his gaping neck and saturated his clothing with a crimson red. I took his clothes off so that I could wear them. I just became the -blam!- Pope. It was time for me to be the biggest troll in existence. I went out on the balcony, wearing the Pope's blood-stained clothes while making the Jerma face. Everyone started screaming and crying. "SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone became quiet at the sound of my voice. "I have a message from God. He says that if you want to get into heaven, you have to do the Big Chungus pose while making the Jerma face and screaming 'red sus!!!!!!!!!!' for the rest of your lives without stopping to breathe or eat." Everyone looked confused at first, but then they started chanting "RED SUS!!!!!!!" in unison. I did it. I actually just trolled everyone with Among Us. After a few minutes, the sky was engulfed with dark clouds. A hole opened up in the center and rays of sunshine fell upon the crowd. "It is I, God!" said the voice. "You have all finally understood what it takes to reach salvation. I am pleased to announce that you are all going to heaven!" Everyone started cheering. A figure started coming down from the clouds. It can't be... "Jerma, is it really you?" I gasped "Yes. I have been God the whole time. I've been waiting for the day when everyone would stop being so -blam!- sus and vote out red. I think we can all agree that we saw him vent, yes?" Everyone agreed with Jerma. Except one person... In the crowd, someone said "Who is red, and what does sus mean?" Jerma's signature smile turned into a terrifying frown. "YOU HAVE COMMITTED THE BIGGEST SIN OF ALL. YOU ARE ALL GOING TO HELL!!!" Jerma's head grew larger until it was the size of the earth itself. He started shaking violently and everything instantly turned pitch black. Jerma had just destroyed the entire universe. Every single thing in existence has perished. As I was burning in Hell with everyone else, Satan came up to me. "I'm proud of you, son." he said, "You have successfully trolled the entire universe with Among Us." "Thanks, dad." I felt satisfied knowing that my father, the red crewmate from Among Us, was finally proud of me.

When the imposter is [b]S U S[/b]